A female friend, tired of her irrational husband, shared this with me.
“The husband was a little low on his EQ. He couldn’t handle even a little disregard for him that often stemmed out of my exhaustion or irritation and had nothing to do with him. Once I just asked him to leave me alone for a while in the room. I was trying to avoid a fight. He just went mad when I asked him to leave. He said – why don’t I leave you forever then? Let me just jump from the balcony and free you forever. And he actually tried to jump.” Read all
I am sure you have been in similar situations. People just going bat shit crazy because they are unable to deal with a situation that was otherwise pretty normal. But then, normal is such a relative term.
There is another story I heard about a guy who handled an irrational lady on a plane like a pro. Through this story, I am going to decode for you – the process of dealing with irrational people.
This guy was sitting beside a lady on a flight. They had a good conversation, smooth and fun. The lady seemed alright. But when the flight was taxing, she started becoming agitated and jumpy. As people got up and formed a queue to get down the plane, she became extremely afraid and sweaty. Upon asking if she was fine, she said she was feeling claustrophobic and had to get down right NOW.
The aisle was full of people. They were at the end. No way she could have gotten down immediately. And her condition was worsening. He tried to calm her down by pointing out that the line would move soon and she will be getting down. But she just became more irrational – “I would DIE if I don’t get down now.” He could see a scream building up in her. That would have freaked people out.
He told her that if she really believed she had to get off right now, she can’t panic. She would have to calmly tap on people’s shoulders, tell them it’s a medical emergency and try to get down. And she did.
So what does this tell you about irrational behavior?
When someone is being irrational, it so happens that they are most likely not thinking straight. They wouldn’t normally behave in such foolish manner in such a situation but right now, something is triggering this extreme response. The overreaction sets in an extreme need to get a need fulfilled right away. In the husband’s case, he probably took his wife’s insult as a hit on his self-respect. And his desire to prove that he was extremely important became his primal need.
Angry outbursts, unreasonable demands, hurtful words or behaviour – are all their inability to control their response to a situation. And they start believing that if they can’t flee from the situation, they need to FIGHT and WIN.
How do you fight a person who wants to win at any cost and against all logic! Here’s decoding the ways of dealing with irrational people, especially irrational spouses, family members, impossible bosses and difficult boyfriends / girlfriends –
You have a CHOICE
In life always pick your battles carefully. Not every war is yours to fight. Sometimes you can just walk away. It’s the same with your irrational family members / colleagues. You have a choice. Can you deal with later? Or, can you not deal with it at all?
The guy on the plane chose to address this because he felt it was doable for him, and the lady looked like she would snap if help didn’t come to her soon. Depends on the magnitude of the problem. My friend could not have let her husband jump. She had to step in!
So you decide. Do you think it is really irrational behaviour and could harm the person if unchecked, or is the person just being a drama queen? Do you think there is nothing else you can do for the person? Their irrationality is not your responsibility and you need not feel guilty if you ultimately decide to give up on them.
Don’t take it PERSONALLY
Irrational people will say a lot of hurtful stuff; especially when they are in one of their rages. They are hurting and they want to lessen their pain by hurling it on anyone in the vicinity. They think it will help them deal with it.
They start believing that the only way they can survive the situation is – by fighting you. Not everyone has the ability to rationalize their behaviour and calm themselves down without intervention.
Let me share with you a story.
A female friend, tired of her irrational husband, shared this with me.
“The husband was a little low on his EQ. He couldn’t handle even a little disregard for him that often stemmed out of my exhaustion or irritation and had nothing to do with him. Once I just asked him to leave me alone for a while in the room. I was trying to avoid a fight. He just went mad when I asked him to leave. He said – why don’t I leave you forever then? Let me just jump from the balcony and free you forever. And he actually tried to jump.”
I am sure you have been in similar situations. People just going bat shit crazy because they are unable to deal with a situation that was otherwise pretty normal. But then, normal is such a relative term.
There is another story I heard about a guy who handled an irrational lady on a plane like a pro. Through this story, I am going to decode for you – the process of dealing with irrational people.
This guy was sitting beside a lady on a flight. They had a good conversation, smooth and fun. The lady seemed alright. But when the flight was taxing, she started becoming agitated and jumpy. As people got up and formed a queue to get down the plane, she became extremely afraid and sweaty. Upon asking if she was fine, she said she was feeling claustrophobic and had to get down right NOW.
The aisle was full of people. They were at the end. No way she could have gotten down immediately. And her condition was worsening. He tried to calm her down by pointing out that the line would move soon and she will be getting down. But she just became more irrational – “I would DIE if I don’t get down now.” He could see a scream building up in her. That would have freaked people out.
He told her that if she really believed she had to get off right now, she can’t panic. She would have to calmly tap on people’s shoulders, tell them it’s a medical emergency and try to get down. And she did.
So what does this tell you about irrational behavior?
When someone is being irrational, it so happens that they are most likely not thinking straight. They wouldn’t normally behave in such foolish manner in such a situation but right now, something is triggering this extreme response. The overreaction sets in an extreme need to get a need fulfilled right away. In the husband’s case, he probably took his wife’s insult as a hit on his self-respect. And his desire to prove that he was extremely important became his primal need.
Angry outbursts, unreasonable demands, hurtful words or behaviour – are all their inability to control their response to a situation. And they start believing that if they can’t flee from the situation, they need to FIGHT and WIN.
How do you fight a person who wants to win at any cost and against all logic! Here’s decoding the ways of dealing with irrational people, especially irrational spouses, family members, impossible bosses and difficult boyfriends / girlfriends –
You have a CHOICE
In life always pick your battles carefully. Not every war is yours to fight. Sometimes you can just walk away. It’s the same with your irrational family members / colleagues. You have a choice. Can you deal with later? Or, can you not deal with it at all?
The guy on the plane chose to address this because he felt it was doable for him, and the lady looked like she would snap if help didn’t come to her soon. Depends on the magnitude of the problem. My friend could not have let her husband jump. She had to step in!
So you decide. Do you think it is really irrational behaviour and could harm the person if unchecked, or is the person just being a drama queen? Do you think there is nothing else you can do for the person? Their irrationality is not your responsibility and you need not feel guilty if you ultimately decide to give up on them.
Don’t take it PERSONALLY
Irrational people will say a lot of hurtful stuff; especially when they are in one of their rages. They are hurting and they want to lessen their pain by hurling it on anyone in the vicinity. They think it will help them deal with it.
They start believing that the only way they can survive the situation is – by fighting you. Not everyone has the ability to rationalize their behaviour and calm themselves down without intervention.
It seems to me that in both those examples, the man and woman were absolutely irrational. Moreover, in such extreme examples (risking health to self or to others) the anti-anxiety medication like Xanax or Ativan is necessary. Some circumstances are unavoidable, but expecting ordinary people to act as crisis counselors or mental health professionals could also be considered irrational, correct?
