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Liliya, 62 y.o.

Russia

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Post in the theme "Ladies only".

чемодан без ручки


Девочки! Я хочу рассказать мою историю и мне будет интересно узнать ваше мнение. Эта история началась 7 лет назад. Я уже много лет на этом сайте. Я имела несколько реальных встреч. Но без результата. Все было не мое. И вот у меня образовался зимой отпуск. Много лет я мечтала посмотреть Голландию. Купила путевку и присмотрела несколько мужчин для реального общения. Выбрала. Встретились. И в аэропорту сразу возникла химия. Через 2 часа был быстрый секс в его квартире. Потом было продолжение. Я сделала ему приглашение и он приезжал ко мне в Россию. Все было прекрасно. Было много совместных поездок. Но говорю сразу, что за свои путевки я платила сама. Дальше все было более интереснее. Например, в Греции, когда он был в душе, я увидела смс от русской женщины - я люблю тебя. Затем я обнаружила его на других брачных сайтах. Я понимала, что это виртуальный флирт. Не буду утомлять вас подробностями. 6 лет назад я покупаю квартиру в Болгарии. И 6 лет он благополучно приезжает ко мне и живет со мной. Он платит мне 2000 евро ( но скажу сразу, что ни в одной стране он за эту сумму не отдохнет). В прошлую зиму я спросила его, если я буду оформлять вид на жительство, ты будешь жить со мной? Он ответил конечно!!!!! Я все узнал, что я могу жить с тобой в Болгарии. Перед тем, как подавать документы в посольство, то я снова спросила - твои слова в силе? Он ответил -да. Я подаю документы в Болгарское посольство и жду сейчас специальную визу. И вот он сюрприз - он пишет - я могу жить с тобой только 3 месяца в 6 месяцев. Я знаю об этом. Я спросила - если ты не владел информацией, то зачем давал мне напрасные надежды? Ответа не получила. Только слова безумной любви. Девочки!!! Может уже оставить уже эти отношения и начать новую жизнь? Через несколько лет я думаю, что уже никто на меня не посмотрит. Заранее спасибо за все комментарии

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Sandra, 30 y.o.

United States

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Post in the theme "Men & women".

hi


hello...i will like to know if i can have any serious man to be man and we both live together and have our own family

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Gursu, 38 y.o.

Turkey

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Post in the theme "Marrying in Muslim countries (Turkey, UAE, etc)".

Doğru insanı Türkiye'de yada başka ülkeden çıkması


Selam.ben şunu burda açıkça ifade etmek istiyorum.turkiye aslında güzel.bu ulke eşsiz ve tek.herkesin ülkesi güzeldir saygı duymak gerek.okudum konuları kimi türk erkekler böyle şöyle palavracı neyse.herkesim insan var aslında her ülkede bu gercek.ben eminsem doğru bir insansan ve güvenilir bir insansam o yeter.herkes kendini tanımalı ve bilmeli.evlilik kutsa l bir kelime.turkiye gelen her bayan arkadaslarda iyi yaşamaya güzel yaşamaya hakkı var bu uluslararası insan haklarıyla belgelendirmistir.burdan insh kötü insanlar çıkmaz yada kirli tuzaklara dusmezsiniz.hayat kötü.bende Türkiye'de ikamet ediyorum eşim yabancı olsa iyi yaşamaya hakkı var mutlu olmayada..Türkiye yada başka ülke .insan olmak gerekli.insh bende aradığın aşkı bulurum.ariyorum .şans

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Aida, 43 y.o.

Kyrgyzstan

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Post in the theme "Our happy couples and happy wishes".

КЫРГЫЗСТАН-ИСПАНИЯ


Приветствую, всех!
С большой радостью хочу поделиться нашей доброй новостью-женитьбой!
09-09-2017 в Испании мы заключили наш долгожданный брачный союз, к которому шли долгих два года!
Спасибо всем, кто поддерживал и искренне радовался нашим отношениям!
Желаю всем не терять ВЕРУ в Счастье и продолжать поиски невзирая ни на что!
Всем шлю лучики Добра и Счастья!!!
и Букет!

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Svetlana, 55 y.o.

Belarus

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Post in the theme "Share your experience".

My dear


Здравствуйте! Хочу обратиться к тем, кто живет в англоязычных странах или просто хорошо знает тонкости английского языка. А вопрос такой:"В каких случаях корректно обращаться к собеседнику "My dear"? Меня почему-то коробит от такого обращения, мне кажется человек таким образом демонстрирует свое превосходство. Возможно, я не права. Хотелось бы разобраться в этом. Спасибо.

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Yuliya, 34 y.o.

Russia

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Post in the theme "Men & women".

Не ответила на подмигивание ... и ... блокируют?....


Последнее время заметила такую тенденцию. Мне подмигивают, я ничего не отвечаю. А в ответ меня блокируют. Что это? Как вы считаете это нормально?   

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Julia, 51 y.o.

Russia

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Post in the theme "My art".

Мое творчество!


Создаю натуральную косметику.На травах и маслах без химии.

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Rich, 46 y.o.

Canada

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Post in the theme "Gentlemen's club".

Tips for men on here - one veterans insights


Guys,

 

I have been going to Ukraine (Kiev) for about three years (from Canada) and have had three very serious relationships and probable been on about 30 dates (not one bad one). Here are some tips:

 

1. Stick to women in main ports like Kiev or Moscow (less travelling and costs). Favor Ukraine over Russia as you need no visa. Kiev is an amazing city and the women are beautiful and friendly.

2. NEVER EVER send money - EVER. If they ask for it, they are scamming. If they say they can get cheaper flights if they pay, they are scamming. If they won't video chat, they are scamming (give them some time of course). If they have many sad stories, drop them. Even if they are not scamming they might just be negative.

3. It is fine to go much younger, but be prepared for a less mature woman. This is obvious, but beauty doesn't last long trust me. I dated a 25 yr old for 3 months (I am 46) and though a lot of fun, at times it was very frustrating, same with one 29 yr old.  There are many beautiful older women and trust me guys Ukrainian women know how to treat their men.

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4. Be prepared for cultural differences - in thought and action. Some are harmless and some will drive you nuts hahah.

5. If you do start travelling there, pick one airline and sign up for points. I am now skypriority with KLM and get upgraded to business all the time.

6. Don't be cheap.

7. Buy them small gifts and flowers. Flowers is not to say sorry in Ukraine, it is for love. Men give flowers all the time and if you don't she will wonder what she did wrong.

8. Don't drink too much. They will notice and since this is a cultural issue in Slavic countries she will drop you. Plus you might do something done.

9. Treat them with respect and like ladies. Be a gentleman. They owe you NOTHING for going there, certainly not sex. They are not "easy", they are ladies and generally well brought up and educated. You to earn their trust and their affections. Again, no matter what you spent to be there (that was your choice) they owe you NOTHING.

10. Red flags. If you see three things that bother or worry you early on, move on (arguing alot would be one, mean to strangers, etc..). You will regret it if you don't (unfortuantely - trust me on this one).

 

Good luck and remember be a gentleman - these women do not deserve to be treated poorly just because they are from a poorer country.

 

Rich

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Olga, 40 y.o.

Azerbaijan

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Post in the theme "Men & women".

Первая встреча на нейтральной территории.


Я считаю неуместным и дальше аккупировать тему Дэвида   Но мне интересно мнение наших форумчанок и форумчан. Какой, по вашему мнению, должна быть первая встреча на нейтральной территории? Знакомитесь и общаетесь вы с интересным человек. Планируете и организуете встречу в третьей стране. Что уместно, а что нет? Как вы бы хотели что бы она прошла? Фантазируем или вспоминаем и делимся своим мнением  

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Elena, 52 y.o.

Russia

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Post in the theme "Life after marriage. Immigration, adaptation to life abroad".

Моя новая жизнь


Здравствуйте, дорогие форумчанки! Вот уже прошёл год и восемь месяцев, как я живу в Дании.Прошла эйфория первого года жизни в красивой стране. Наступили обычные будни... Хочу поделиться с вами, как проходит жизнь. Сначала было всё прекрасно! Я чувствовала себя в Дании, скорее туристкой. Мне было очень интересно посещать новые города, музеи и наблюдать за датчанами. Потом я пошла в языковую школу. там встретила много русскоговорящих людей. в основном это молодые люди из Молдавии, Украины и других стран. А мне 52 года... Но общий язык я находила со многими молодыми людьми.Потому что дома не хватает общения. Язык датский трудный. Даже сами датчане это признают. В школе мне нравится. Учителя относятся доброжелательно ко всем. А вот сейчас встал вопрос о моЁм трудоустройстве. и это уже другая история. Муж говорит, что я должна работать, потому что наш бюджет скромный. Я и сама хочу иметь свои деньги,а не спрашивать у мужа.В России я работала. и пусть я не хватала звёзд с неба, но мои дети не голодали. и так уж устроены русские женщины, что всегда рассчитывают только на себя. На работу без знания языка не берут. да и наличие водительского удостоверения необходимо. Даже уборщицей не найти работу. Вот я и думаю, может быть напрасно я вообще сюда приехала? Жила бы себе и жила дома, ждала пенсию. Так нет же решила в 52 года изменить жизнь. Нет. Возраст, есть возраст... и ничего с этим не поделаешь

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Lyubov, 54 y.o.

Ukraine

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Post in the theme "People, culture & society".

Швейцария


В этот выходной, предшествующий национальному празднику Швейцарии, хочу показать несколько швейцарских художников. Сегодня - FRANÇOIS BOCION (1828 - 1890) - художник из Лозанны. Для меня его картины Женевского озера бесконечно интересны: здесь и набережная Ouchy, и Le Bouveret, и Dents du Midi, и Pully, и Сhateau de Сhillon... Просто завораживает!
Приятного просмотра!

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Bella, 47 y.o.

Russia

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Post in the theme "Our happy couples and happy wishes".

РОССИЯ - ФРАНЦИЯ


Всем хорошего дня. Я прошла регистрацию на сайте, на несколько дней, чтобы поддержать других женщин и мужчин. ТЕХ, кто уже отчаялся и не верит в настоящую любовь при знакомстве на этом сайте. Честно, говоря, я тоже, после 2-х лет, стала отчаиваться. Было много общения, но сердце оставалось холодным. У меня не простая ситуация жизненная. Я воспитываю ребенка инвалида. Забросила каръеру, и посвятила жизнь ребенку инвалиду. На сайте, я не указывала это. Но многие мужчины, узнав это, после некоторого времени общения, пропадали из "моих поклонников". В июне 2016, я потеряла всю надежду, и решила уйти с этого сайта и продолжить жизнь в полном одиночестве, с больным ребенком. Но, на последок, решила написать правду в анкете, про сына, про свою некчемную и проблемную жизнь... И только я написала это в анкете, как получила только одно письмо. Это была судьба... через 3 месяца, после ежедневной переписки, мы встретились на нейтральной территории, на острове Крит. Дальше он летел со мной в Москву для знакомства с сыном. Через месяц, мы с сыном летели к нему. Закружилось и понесло... Я даже не думала, что смогу влюбиться на старости лет так, как никогда не любила в жизни. (Пишу и плачу от счастья). И знаю, что он меня любит очень. Хотя у нас языковой баръер. 24 июля мы поженились и стали дышать в унисон, одним воздухом, одной страстью и одной любовью.

`
Дорогие соискатели, пишите правду всегда, без преувеличения. Какая бы она нн была, на самом деле. И вы найдете то, что ищите.


Спасибо модераторам, за сайт, вы даете людям шанс быть счастливыми и любимыми.
Желаю всем огромной любви и счастья!!!

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Jayaseshu, 34 y.o.

India

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Post in the theme "Men & women".

Some facts


DEAR LADIES : BITTER TRUTH YOU MUST SWALLOW :
1. Sex doesn't keep a man, if you like, turn 360% on bed, he will still dump you. Bleach until you become white, if he doesn't notice the qualities of a wife in you, he will leave you.
2. A man who win your love with cash may not stay forever. Real men doesn't settle down with fake women who love money.
3. The beauty of a woman can take her to a Palace but her character will determine how long she stays in the palace. Beauty attracts men but character keep them.
4. Material things definitely has its merits but it cannot alone provide the riches of a truly meaningful life.
5. Being sexy without a character will not get you a husband, you will only get a boyfriend.
6. Sex can bring pleasure but it can never bring love, sex is a product of love, love is not a product of sex.
7. Sex can make a man stay with you overnight but love will make him stay for a lifetime.

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8. There are some things that money just can't buy like manners, moral and integrity.


9. How you dress will definitely determine how men will address you.

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Tatyana, 48 y.o.

Ukraine

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Post in the theme "Men & women".

Как ты зовешь ее


Как ты зовешь ее?
Нежная моя,
Ласковая моя?
Обнимаешь плечи ее,
Целуешь губы и грудь?
Несешься стрелой
С работы - домой?
Как ты зовешь ее?
Радость моя,
Любовь моя?
Приносишь ей
Ягоды на ладошке,
Даришь на День рождения
Тот торт?
И она излучает свет,
Доверенная тебе?

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Lyudmila, 42 y.o.

Belarus

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Post in the theme "My art".

Мое увлечение - вышивка


Несколько моих последних работ за последнее время.

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Tatyana, 33 y.o.

Belarus

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Post in the theme "Men & women".

Что это было? до сих пор не могу понять…


У меня вообще была такая ситуация,что я до сих пор не иогу понять,почему и что случилось? Познакомилась с мужчиной из Швейцарии, сначала общались как друзья, хотя он мне очень понравился, и понравился именно душой,т.к. внешне он не красавец и не богатей… нам всегда было о чём поговорить, очень добрый и ласковый, как-то всё закрутилось и он предложил мне приехать к нему в гости,я конечно отказалась,так как мало знакомы были и он решил сам приехать,на что я согласилась.Общение так достигло около трёх месяцев, он мне признался,что любит меня,хотя ещё не виделись в живую, и даже хотел,чтобы я с детьми переехали к нему в дальнейшем. Короче всё дошло до того,что мы полностью начали планировать дальнейшую нашу совместную жизнь. И тут он предлогает мне помощь, мол он не хочет,чтобы я в чём -то нуждалась,я отказалась,но он настаивал,хотя я никогда ничего не просила. Но уже на следующий день он отказался от своей затеи,сказал,что его друзья отговорили его высылать мне что-либо,так как русские женщины карыстны и им нужны только деньги,конечно обидно,что из-за таких женщих,страдают остальные.Я не настаивала,потому,как он сам вызвался выслать то,что хотел. Я ему объяснила,что не все девушки такие, сидят тут ради денег! со временем это забылось,мы продолжали общаться и ждать нашей долгожданной встречи,всё было просто идеально,и тут...... он пропал! Вот уже прошло 2 месяца,а я так и не знаю,что случилось,почему он не отвечает,хотя читает смс и молчит! Получается всё было обманом? и никаких чувств не было? просто обидно....

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Danny, 32 y.o.

India

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Post in the theme "Gentlemen's club".

Beautiful , awesomely beautiful story sent by a friend. Felt like SHARING with you...


Often we wonder, “What did I do to deserve this?” or “Why did God have to do this to me?” Here is a wonderful explanation!

A daughter is telling her Mother how everything is going wrong, she’s failing algebra, her boyfriend broke up with her and her best friend is moving away.

Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if she would like a snack, and the daughter says, “Absolutely Mom, I love your cake.”

Here, have some cooking oil,” her Mother offers. “Yuck” says her daughter.
“How about a couple raw eggs?” “Gross, Mom!”

“Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?” “Mom, those are all yucky!”

To which the mother replies: “Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake!

God works the same way. Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good!

`


We just have to trust Him and,most importantly TRUST your own FORCE. Your faith should not droop down & then eventually, they will all make something wonderful!

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Paul, 49 y.o.

Canada

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Post in the theme "Men & women".

Women are equal to Men


I truly believe women are equal to men, so that said women should be able to pail their own travel expenses.

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Tom, 43 y.o.

Norway

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Post in the theme "Share your experience".

Money


All girls start with romantic declarations. But after a while everyone asks for money. Is this a forum for finding love or a forum for "searching for money"?

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David, 45 y.o.

United Kingdom

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Post in the theme "Men & women".

Food & Drink First Date England v Russia/Belarus/Ukraine


Majority of first dates starts off in a restaurant in Ukraine/Eastern Europe A girl will be afforded a taxi by the man or on occasions make there own way by car or whatever.

In England a man will normally pay for a date and a woman will normally order what she likes off the menu and normally it will be what she likes and not necessarily the most expensive items if a date goes well both will continue to drink and chat into the night.. all perfect

My question is what is wrong with the above statements and how would you change things on the above date situation? Or is this perfect in your homeland too?

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Danny, 32 y.o.

India

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Post in the theme "Gentlemen's club".

Deep Emotional Story Must read it.


After his father's death, the Son decided to leave his mother at old age home and visited her on and off.
Once he received a call from old age home....Mom very serious ..... please come to visit.
Son went and saw mom very critical, on her dying bed.
He asked: Mom what can I do for you.
Mom replied... "Please install fans in the old age home, there are none.... Also put a fridge for betterment of food because many times I slept without food".
Son was surprised and asked: mom, while you were here you never complained, now you have few hours left and you are telling me all this, why?
Mom replied....."it's OK dear, I've managed with the heat, hunger & pain, but when your children will send you here, I am afraid you will not be able to manage

"Truth"
Truth no 1 :
nobody is real in this world except Mother..

Truth no. 2 :
a poor person has no friends..

Truth no. 3 :
people do not like good thoughts they like good looks..

`


Truth no 4 :
people respect the money not the person..

Truth no 5 :
the person you love the most, will hurt you the most !

Truth no 6 :
"Truth is Simple, But, The Moment YOU try to Explain it...
It Becomes Difficult"

Truth no 7 :
"When you are happy you enjoy the music", but
"when you are sad, you understand the lyrics".

Truth no 8 :
IN LIFE Two things define you-
"Your patience" when you have nothing...
&
"Your attitude" when you have everything...
Rightly said "The internet shows us how small the world is...but a missing plane shows, how big our planet is.."..

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Stephan, 54 y.o.

Belgium

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Post in the theme "Men & women".

On the blocking of the profiles.


On the blocking of the profiles.
I find. it unfair only by visiting a profile. (In my case) women block us directly. no comment . On his part and on my part. I simply visit his profile. And my blocked. Why ???

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Mziya, 33 y.o.

Russia

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Post in the theme "Marrying in Europe".

Хочу найти мужа и не получается


Кто может мне помочь найти мужа?

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Danny, 32 y.o.

India

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Post in the theme "Gentlemen's club".

SHARING an old classic. You For sure will love it :)


An engineer in a car manufacturing company designs a world class car. The owner is impressed with the outcome and praised him a lot.
While trying to bring out the car from the manufacturing area to the showroom, they realised that the car is 2 inches taller than the entrance.
The engineer felt bad that he didn't notice this one before creating the car.
The owner was amazed on how to take it outside of the manufacturing area.
The painter said that they can bring out the car and there will be a few scratches on top of the car which could be touched up later on.
The engineer said that they can break the entrance, take the car out, and later re-do it.
The owner was not convinced with any ideas and felt like it is a bad sign to break or scratch..
A Watchman was observing all the drama & slowly approached the owner. He wanted to give an idea if they had no problem..
They wondered what this guy would tell them that the experts could not give..

`
The watchman said "The car is only a few inches taller than the entrance so, Simply release the air in the tyre, the height of the car will sink and can be easily taken out"...


Everyone clapped!!!
Don't analyse the problems only from an expert point of view alone..
There is always a layman's outlook that gives an alternate solution at a given point of time...
Life issues are also the same....
Release Some Air (Ego), and Adjust The Height (Attitude)..

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Paul, 49 y.o.

Canada

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Post in the theme "Men & women".

Stats Canada


New year over year divorce rates in Canada has soared to an insane 75% or 3 out of 4 failure rate, so sad.

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Tatyana, 54 y.o.

Italy

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Post in the theme "Our four-legged friends".

с новым стартом всех!


Ну вот , можем вздохнуть с облегчением - дома)
Как говорится , вэлкам, любители животных))
А если ,среди нас, присутвуют еще и ветеринары... вообще - супер!

ну и по теме первый вопросик ---- кто еще воспитывает чихуа?
откликнитесь пожалуйста)

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Marco, 39 y.o.

Ireland

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Post in the theme "Men & women".

Western man is santa klaus?


Is it a misunderstanding created by the orthodox church ?
I don't think so.
Probably is the result of the connection between clever Russian women and desperated American men.

After all, they are both Christian countries

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Danny, 32 y.o.

India

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Post in the theme "Gentlemen's club".

I Can’t Believe They Don’t Want Me Syndrome It is a Story of a girl called Natalie


A few months ago Mel got in touch with me. She’s beautiful, fun, outgoing, creative, runs a successful business as an attorney etc etc. Guess who she’s pining for? A guy from the wrong side of the tracks who deals drugs, has spent time in prison and has gone back to his child’s mother. She’s known him since she was child and had worked hard to get out and achieve more than counterparts in her neighbourhood and yet her entire life has derailed in a matter of months because this loser doesn’t want to be with her.

Even she doesn’t understand why she wants to be with him as all he has going for him is being great in bed and very good looking. But the reason why she wants him isn’t because she actually wants and loves him but because she is seeking validation of her worthiness and self-worth because she doesn’t understand how and why he has come not to want her.

Katie is practically stalking a guy who has cheated on her, slapped her about, and told her he’s done with her.

`


Even though Val’s guy took off with thirty grand of her money and left her struggling with debts, her biggest concern is not how to get the money back or how to recover, but why he chose to be with the other, seemingly less attractive, less successful woman instead of her.

Countless women have shared stories with me of being involved with a guy who blew hot and cold, used them for sex, still had a wife or girlfriend, cheated on them, disappeared regularly, took their money, used them for a job, used them to gain access to their friends or to enhance their career, was disliked by all and sundry, or whatever the story is, and you know what?

Every, single, last woman was still expressing disbelief that somebody who had behaved without love, care, trust, and respect and had shown themselves to be a poor relationship partner, didn’t want them.

It’s almost like it doesn’t matter what shitty qualities these guys have – we want the validation.

I too remember not being that into an ex and yet I stuck out the relationship on and off for two years. Why? Because aside from my ego not being able to take it and wanting to ‘prove’ myself to him and not having enough self-respect, I also suffered with I Can’t Believe They Don’t Want Me Syndrome also known more crudely as Why The Eff Doesn’t This Loser Want Me!

This is the behaviours and mindset centred around the bewildered disbelief you experience when someone that you secretly or even openly acknowledge as being a poor choice for a relationship or ‘beneath you’, doesn’t want you. You’ll struggle to accept that the relationship is over and/or that they’ve moved on with someone else and at it’s worst, the rejection will cause you to feel trapped in your feelings and have you reacting to it and doing things that at their best are embarrassing and at their worst, humiliating.

The confusion kicks in because in knowing that they’re not good enough for you and that you actually can and should do better, you wonder what is wrong with you that someone ‘like them’ doesn’t want you. You will also fall prey to I Can’t Believe They Don’t Want Me Syndrome if like a lot of people with dodgy love habits, you have a habit of being involved with people who you know don’t quite stack up because you think it will be easier for them to love you and that you are less likely to lose them or be rejected by them. If I had a pound for every woman who has ever emailed or commented expressing abject horror at the fact that her habitually emotionally unavailable guy or assclown doesn’t want her, I’d be a very rich woman.

Why doesn’t he want me? I think the fact that he’s regarded as an asshole is enough of an indicator that it’s time for you to stop wanting him.

Who does he think he is rejecting me? You can’t assume a position of always being the one to reject or choosing people on the basis of them being less likely to reject you because you think you bring more to the table.

How did it go from him chasing a disinterested me to me pounding down his door trying to win him back? This in itself indicates that you’ve become more interested because they’re less interested which is a very unhealthy situation because your hook is rejection.

I know he’s no good for me but I can’t understand why he doesn’t love/want me? If you know he’s no good for you, why are you concerning yourself with why they don’t want you when you should be concerning yourself with getting the hell away from them? This is your ego getting out of whack as you’ve decided that you need to get ‘love’ from a ‘broken’ source and can’t cope with the fact that someone who has blatantly demonstrated their inability won’t revolutionise the wheel for you.

I’m a smart, educated, attractive, successful woman – why doesn’t he want to be with me? How could he choose her over me? Even if you do genuinely believe you have something more to offer, they don’t have to take it and what you think they want and need, is not the same as what they think they want and need – it’s not up to you.

Seeking validation is about getting confirmation that something is true and many people are caught in the trap of basing their lives around the cumbersome task of seeking validation instead of working on their own self-esteem and validating themselves within healthier partnerings.

Not interested in the person that wants them, they want the person, no matter how lacking in character they are, to confirm their worthiness by wanting them.

We really need to wise up, toughen up, smell the proverbial coffee and grow some backbone and self-respect.

If you are experiencing I Can’t Believe They Don’t Want Me Syndrome, it’s time to have a little conversation with your ego because the fact that you want someone because you think it’s outrageous that they don’t want you and your ego can’t cope with it, is, aside from being outrageous, a signal that the relationship was doomed.

People who have I Can’t Believe They Don’t Want Me Syndrome are reliant on feeling like they’re on a pedestal and in fact, have a bit of a superiority complex which in itself is disrespectful to anyone who they’re involved with.

For the person on the receiving end of I Can’t Believe They Don’t Want Me Syndrome, they’re often wondering what the hell you see in them and it’s their own ego that had them chasing you or wanting to be with you in the first place. They might have thought they didn’t stand a cats hope in hell of being with you but from the moment you gave them the time of day, it became a black mark against you and they recognised that in you wanting to be with them, there was very likely something wrong with you.

As I said to Mel, don’t you think your drug dealing ex was wondering what why a woman who’d busted her proverbial nuts to overcome her upbringing and become an attorney, was doing with him? I actually said to her: What the hell are you doing with this guy?

If any doubt, write down everything about this guy on a piece of paper, and then ask yourself why the hell your ego is struggling to process why they don’t want you and why you’re not racing to distance yourself from them.

If these people have any sense, they shouldn’t want you and while you may not thank me or them now, they’re actually doing you a massive favour and setting you free, hopefully to do better by yourself.

For some of you, part of the whole I Can’t Believe They Don’t Want Me Syndrome is about being used to getting what you want and being caught short when someone doesn’t dance to your beat. The danger is that when you’re used to getting what you want, not only will your ego struggle with the rejection, but you may also find that you coast into relationships because you don’t really ever have to try. What you may see if you look back over your relationships is that some of them were half-hearted.

For me, I got over myself and realised that soothing my ego at the expense of my self-esteem was not something that was worth throwing my life away on. I had to cut my losses because it was pretty galling when I realised that I had stayed in a relationship with someone who I hadn’t actually been attracted to, who I hadn’t really actually liked, and who even after all that time I still couldn’t really come up with any overriding reasons to stay, and all this because my ego couldn’t cope with the fact that they didn’t want me.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Because we don’t want to get love from someone with the capabilities to treat us with love, care, trust, and respect – we want to get it from someone who feeds into our beliefs and mirrors our pattern and so when someone doesn’t want us, it confirms the negative stuff that we openly and quietly think about ourselves. And I should stress – by capability, it’s not about you thinking they can love you because you think they loved someone else or you experienced it briefly. It’s consistently having the ability to love you over a sustained period of time.

Never demand that someone love you because you have a sense of entitlement to their love.

You are not entitled to their love and you’re certainly not more entitled to it because they’re a ‘loser’ and you’re not, so surely they should want you.

If you continue to pursue them instead of working your way through the loss and processing the ‘rejection’, you will alienate them because you’ll be like a disgruntled customer who just won’t take no for an answer and that is wholly unattractive and will cause you to lose your dignity and self-respect even if you don’t realise it initially.

Make no mistake – if you become obsessed with the questions that your ego raises, you will watch everything in your life take a battering. I’ve seen people lose their family, friends, health, career, money and more because they’re too busy struggling with their ego.

From the moment someone doesn’t want you, it’s time for you to start working on not wanting them and accepting that it’s over, whether it’s the relationship or the dream. If you habitually want people that don’t want you, you need to examine your own genuine capacity for a relationship, as you are hiding behind the illusions of being hijacked by your imagination and you’re only getting interested when you know they can’t/won’t reciprocate which is of course, a sign of your own emotional unavailability.

The fact that someone doesn’t want you, is a red flag and makes you fundamentally incompatible which means it’s time to opt out, process the loss, and accept. If you focus on doing this, your ego will catch up with the rest of you. If you focus on obsessing about them not wanting you, the sense of rejection will just increase. You have to decide where you want to put your energies.

Your thoughts?

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Paul, 49 y.o.

Canada

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Post in the theme "Men & women".

Nice Guys


Nice Guys never get respect from women 100% true. Most women want rich bad boys.  

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Svetlana, 47 y.o.

Russia

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Post in the theme "Marrying in Europe".

Замуж в Нидерланды


Познакомилась с мужчиной из Нидерландов. Через несколько месяцев он прилетел ко мне. Недавно я посетила его . Голландия мне понравилась, несмотря на дождливую и ветренную погоду (февраль). Но вот дальше у меня возникло много вопросов и недопонимания . Что это экономия до фанатизма или жадность. Или как говорит мой друг, что многие здесь так живут. Девочки, кто уже живёт в Европе, помогите разобраться. Например, утро, мы едим Dutch breakfast (хлеб, хлеб с разными сладкими намазками и чай). Конечно я сказала, что не могу есть хлеб в таком количестве. И мы купили в яйца, молоко, мюсли. Далее продукты покупались только с нижним ценником. В доме очень холодно +16°, я не привыкла к такой температуре ( в моей квартире+22°) и когда я включила обогреватель, то через 5 мин он его отключил, сказал, что уже тепло. ( Ок. Прогулки по городу....красивая архитектура. Зашли в костел,посмотрели сувениры, но когда я хотела пойти дальше, он сказал, что это стоит 4 € на одну персону и мы повернули назад. Перед отбытием домой я , конечно захотела что нибудь купить себе и моей семье. Несколько кусочков сыра, брелки с башмачками, луковицы тюльпанов , спасибо большое, он оплатил. Мне понравились брючки (25€) и я захотела их купить, но мой друг забегал по магазину и стал показывать, что есть распродажные стойки , где все по 12€. На что я ему ответила, что мне нравится эта модель. Ок, нет проблем, я оплатила покупку. (Забыла сказать , что его доход средний для его страны, не низкий.) Но настроение у меня испортилось. И вот теперь я нахожусь дома и мучительно думаю, смогу ли я ко всему этому привыкнуть и принять. А он настойчиво ждёт мой ответ. Надеюсь на ваши отзывы.

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