First time meetings - 5 options compared

<p>Summer time is and remains holiday and travelling time No.1 and therefore has great potential for a first meeting. </p><p>Let's look at how things can be arranged, so that they work out in the long run!</p><p> </p><p>Technically speaking you have five options to organise your first meeting in real life, after you have written messages, texted each other, have chatted on facebook (and thus instagram and whatsapp), skype, viber, telegram, have made videocalls from home (or a cybercafé).</p><p>Only start planning a meeting, <strong>after</strong> you have:</p><p>- chatted</p><p>- exchanged phone numbers</p><p>- official data (passport copies)</p><p>and</p><p>- had several video calls on different occasions!</p><p>These are<strong> minimum precautions </strong><span>t</span>hat the intentions of the person you interact with are real.</p><p>So here come the options:</p><p> </p><p>1) He visits her, while staying in separate accommodation (in a hotel, apartment or with friends).</p><p>2) He visits her and stays at her place.</p><p> </p><p>3) She visits him while staying in separate accommodation (in a hotel, apartment or with friends).</p><p>4) She visits him and stays at his place.</p><p> </p><p>5) They meet on neutral territory (either the man invites her or they both take care of their own expenses).</p><p> </p><p>Let's look at them in detail to find out which one is most probable to work:</p><p> </p><p><strong>1)</strong> If the man visits the women, he will have to bear the strain of preparing documents (visa, invitiations, travel insurance) and, of course, he'll be the one who invests the travelling time too. But this is the way it should be. Men are (by nature) the strong gender and this option works best, if you haven’t seen each other in real life for the first time. The advantage is that he will see the real surroundings and the natural habitat of his lady. Usually, family and friends will be around it'll be a first-class opportunity to get to know each other better. The (minimal) downside is that the lady has "homeground" and thus an 'edge over him'. This, however, would only intimidate very insecure characters with very dubious intentions.</p><p> </p><p><strong>2)</strong> Visiting for the first time and staying in a guestroom is either for the very sure and brave or for the very foolish and naive. It is much better and safer to be self-sufficient and independent as long as a relationship is the state of emerging, with delicate roots and a feeble back to carry heavy weight or burdens. The responsibility and strain on a personal visit are exponentially higher than having a visitor who has his own four walls, even and especially, if it's only temporary. A woman could be intimidated into something that she would hugely regret, either by overrating her own capacity and abilities or simply by underestimating the strain of putting up with a foreign man in her own four walls. Be even more cautious to consider this option when you have kids!</p><p> </p><p><strong>3)</strong> Having a lady come over for a first-time encounter is an honour and a privilege, as much as it still is a risk and bears significantly high potential for irritation, even if she chooses to stay in a hotel, hostel, B&amp;B or the like. Women by nature are equipped with a very 'expectation level' and that easily collides with the existing reality they inevitable are confronted with, if they choose to be the first to visit. Also remember that in Post-Soviet states travelling is and remains a difficulty for most, starting with the cost factor (which especially in rural areas could be hard nut to crack, visa restrictions and various other difficulties).</p><p> </p><p><strong>4)</strong> A man hosting his lady in his own for walls for a first time, has even more potential for conflict than when she is staying on her own. Men (usually and generally!) still consider cooking and household tasks a women's thing. But which sane woman would say in all earnesty: "Sure, I'll come visiting, do your shirts, cook for you, clean up the mess and leave having happily enjoyed my time as your guest." It’s much safer to enjoy a good time while everybody has their own place to retreat to.</p><p> </p><p><strong>5)</strong> Meeting on neutral territory, while going on holiday for example, is a disasterous misconception and proportionally more often fails than succeeds, leaving behind bitterness and accusations on either side. When the man invites her (i.e. pays for all her expenses), he's likely to expect something in return. (Adult people at this stage should know what this something is...) A paid holiday with zero expectations (or even demands) is a myth. At the absolute least, people expect to have a good time, and that is where the crux of the matter lies: "a good time" has as many meanings as the universe has stars.</p><p>The far worse illusion is that both people will be outside their natural surroundings and thus behave very differently as they would in "real life". Even if they don't wilfully act in a different way (which would be deceiving), they act differently, simply because they're detached from all that makes up their life at home: there's no household to take care of, work is miles away, no urgent phone calls, no haphazard visits, no acquaintainces that you could bump into. It's like two individuals meeting on a common tour of exploration in a different world altogether. The impression that they have of each other is directly linked to the experience that they gather together, but it has nothing to do with their life as it happens under ordinary circumstances. So these poor couples are very likely to fall in love with a phantasma and compel themselves for phantom chase for a long time, until they come to realise that in their real world(s) things are and work very differently.</p><p><strong>I advise anyone to refrain from going on a joint holiday, before knowing each other well enough.</strong> (She in her city with him around, he in his city with her around - if things work out there they will work out fine on Canary Islands, Thailand, Albania or Zimbabwe too).</p><p>When they both take care of their own expenses, the pressure and level of expectations decreases a bit, but they will still be detached from their own environment and sit in an artificial social vacuum.</p><p><span style="text-decoration: underline;">A friendly hint at this stage:</span> especially during the summer season (i.e. now July / August / September), it has become a popular feat. to say "I have a holidays this week / next week / in a few days. Do you want to invite me to ... (place of choice - mostly Turkey, Egypt, Dubai, UAE) and we can meet."</p><p>These are scams, and scammers deserve only two things: 1) block list + 2) cancer. Feel comfortable to delete them. Feel even more comfortable to block them. Feel most comfortable to report them. (And curse them, if you feel you must).</p><p><br> To cut things short, the best option clearly is</p><p>1) He visits her while staying his own accommodation</p><p>3) She visits him, while staying in her own accommodation</p><p>4) She visits him at home</p><p>2) He visits her at home</p><p>5) They meet on neutral territory</p><p> </p><p>If you’re serious and realistic about things, stay with option 1!</p><p> </p><p>Happy dating everyone and good luck!</p><p>I hope this will help to make a positive contribution to your dating experience.</p><p>Have a great time and enjoy the summer and many other summers to follow!</p><p> </p>