Travelling
Glyn
Hobbit Downunder - the angry kangaroo
Once upon a time...A hobbit from New Zealand decided to drive across Australia.
He had lived in Australia for 5 years and flown to every city.
Little did the hobbit know that driving around Australia
had all kinds of strict rules that only locals knew.
The first rule of driving around Australia:
"Never drive at dusk (4pm to 6pm) on the open road."
Why is this?
Animals around Australia like to do their moving around during the part of the day that the early evening light creates illusions that make it hard for predators to see animal movement. Kangaroos are a unique creature that moves very fast and can leap very, very high. Kangaroos are also very strong, very thick and can be as big as a cow and almost as big as a bear. A bull kangaroo thinks that any moving object wants to steal his ladies. Yes his ladies. The bull Kangaroo has a harem of lady kangaroos. He is always territorial and very angry, because he wants to have his way with all those women. The bull kangaroo is a maniac and will leap out in front of a car like a suicidal maniac.
But of course, no one tells you that Kangaroos are insane.
So it was, that I the hobbit, ventured forth, oblivious to the angry kangaroo.
It was a fine evening as I took my well prepared 2009 Mazda CX-9 luxury AWD onto a Melbourne highway.
I was driving from Melbourne to Perth, 3300 kilometeres. The same distance from Moscow to Reykjavik.
I had already drive from Adelaide to Sydney and understood my car well for long distance travel.
The Mazda CX-9 was made specifically for this kind of journey is a lounge on wheels.
Into the twilight I ventured, cheerfully singing my favourite songs.
Heading towards a camping site on New Years even, all on my own.
I had just finished watching the Australian horror movie
series WOLF CREEK, about how tourists were killed
by a maniacal madman in the outback.
I highly recommend to avoid watching horror movies about tourism, before you travel.
I drove for hours towards inland Australia towards a campsite that I could stay.
My goal to sleep under the stars and dream about a day when my lady would be with me.
I decided, I will practice now, become an expert, and by the time I have a new lady,
I will know exactly how to make things comfortable, like a 5 star outback hotel.
I arrived at my location, in the dark of night. In the country, there is no light at all.
Nothing can be seen. Not even a sign post. It is easy to lose your way.
As I drove into the camp site, hundreds of eyes reflected.
A kangaroo army was waiting for me.
The camp site was locked.
I heard gun shots.
Then silence.
I decided to drive away!
As I stood outside my car, the kangaroos stood all around me.Silent. Menacing.
I could feel their anger at this noisy machine.
And the bull Kangaroo was seething with fury.
I will get you, human.
I decided to drive to a motel in a nearby town.
But my GPS was not working and I had only 300kms of range.
I drove especially slowly to save fuel, 80km/hr on a 110km/hr road.
As I came around a corner, a bull kangaroon lept in front of my car.
Before I knew what happened, an almighty crash at the front of my car.
I stopped in the middle of the road to see the damage.
I could not see well, but it was obvious lots of damage occurred.
I tried to drive my car, but very quickly the car overheated and I had to stop.
Fortunately, I had reception on my mobile phone, so I called my insurance company.
"Help, I have been attacked by an angry kangaroo! It killed my car."
"Sir, that's normal." Said the insurance lady.
"It's normal for a kangaroo to kill cars?"
"Yes." Said the insurance lady.
I was now quite upset that no one had told me the truth about kangaroos.
Two hours later, a tow truck driver from Port Pirie found me in the middle of a highway.
But only after an axe murderer drove slowly past me at 2am seeing if someone needed to be murdered.
Fortunately I am a big stocky strong hobbit and no one wants to do anything bad to me.
The tow truck driver however admitted to being a former psychopath.
And I shuffled a little further away from him and more towards leaping out the window.
It was a long trip to Port Pirie and we arrived at 6am.
He parked my broken car under a street light.
There I developed a psychosis and eye twitch from the torture of sleep deprivation.
And I began to hate kangaroos. I love animals. But not the kangaroo.
At 10am I walk to a motel and ask to check in.
I look like a zombie my eye is still twitching.
The lady asks me, "Did you properly kill the kangaroo?"
I said, "I have no idea, it hit me and disappeared."
"legally you have to kill the kangaroo if you hit it or you could be fined and go to jail." She said.
I am an animal lover. Even if the kangaroo is a complete jerk, I don't want to kill it.
"Its a mercy killing." She says.
Now I am very upset, I probably killed the kangaroo.
Both eyes start twitching and I have a small tear in my eye.
It takes three days before the insurance company can take me and my car back to Melbourne from Port Pirie.
Which means 12 hours in a truck with a former psychopath.
It turns out the man has worked very hard on his mental health.
He tells me wild stories about famous movies stars and outback stories.
It was the best story telling I had heard in years.
Back in Melbourne it took one month to repair my car.
Kangaroo had destroyed the radiator, air conditioning, broken a strut, bent a wheel, broken the engine mount and pretty much almost destroyed the car.
One month later, I took to the road again, this time, I booked motels all the way from Melbourne to Perth.
Never driving at night. Only driving eight hours a day. Across 3300 kilometres.
I saw some of the most beautiful sights.
Spring flowers.
Deserts that appeared lifeless and barren, that come to life in full bloom with such magnificent beauty.
I saw stars so bright that it was as if I was swimming among them.
There is no light pollution in outback Australia.
I drove across the nullabor desert.
And I wrote a tune about this. If you search music store GLYN MACLEAN you will find a piano instrumental called NULLUS about the beauty of the desert. The latin word NULLUS means NOTHING. Sometimes the absence of something, the silence is what we need to hear our own voice. The most magnificent aspect of any journey, is your self discovery. The still small voice of every person can only be heard in the silence. We may see insights about ourselves, by standing in a barren place, we see our own beauty. This is the juxtaposition of our humanity, that we must lose everything in order to understand, that we are already all that we need to be. Nothing can be added that surpasses the beauty of our humanity. Stand therefore naked in the desert and clothe yourself in the Australian sunset. A red dress of golden sunlight adorns every curve of your body. But if you look like a kangaroo, then I may turn and run from you.
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