A saint and his disciples were visiting the Ganges river, where they found a group of family members on the banks shouting in anger at each other. Turning to his disciples, the saint smiled and asked, ‘Why do people in anger shout at each other?’ Read all
His disciples thought for a while. One of them finally said, ‘Because when we lose our calm, we shout.’
‘But, why should you shout when the other person is just next to you?’ countered the saint. ‘You can just as well tell him what you have to say in a soft manner.’ His disciples thought about it some more, but could not come up with a satisfactory answer. Finally the saint explained,
‘When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other, in order to cover that great distance.
But what happens when two people fall in love? They don’t shout at each other but instead talk very softly because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is either non-existent or very small. And when they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only need to look at each other and that’s all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.
So when you argue, do not let your hearts get distant, do not say words that distance each other more, or else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return.
In this small little story, lies the crux of dealing with anger issues.
If we were to define anger in better words, we could say it is:
1. A game of dominance where defiance has to be dealt with aggression. You need to mark your territory with raised voices and pointed fingers. 2. An act of control where you establish your LOC because Believe it or not, we are all control freaks. 3. A veil that shrouds the best of minds and distances the closest of hearts.
Have you ever noticed how when we are angry we generally want to kill the same person we would normally die without?
Being Human A cooler, much more human and grown up way is – to develop this sheer quality of thinking about what you can say in those moments. Flinging back mud is very easy. Perhaps the easiest. But talking logic and making sense in those moments of distress is the hallmark of a human being who is exercising his human qualities.
It is mediocre to lose your calm because a) everyone does it. And b) being calm is a superior and much more impactful way of dealing with situations that are not in our stride. There might be catharsis in anger but it’s fire over fire. There is grace in that zen like patience and quietness; and that’s the best fire extinguisher you can possess.
let me share with you a story:
A saint and his disciples were visiting the Ganges river, where they found a group of family members on the banks shouting in anger at each other. Turning to his disciples, the saint smiled and asked, ‘Why do people in anger shout at each other?’
His disciples thought for a while. One of them finally said, ‘Because when we lose our calm, we shout.’
‘But, why should you shout when the other person is just next to you?’ countered the saint. ‘You can just as well tell him what you have to say in a soft manner.’ His disciples thought about it some more, but could not come up with a satisfactory answer. Finally the saint explained,
‘When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other, in order to cover that great distance.
But what happens when two people fall in love? They don’t shout at each other but instead talk very softly because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is either non-existent or very small. And when they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only need to look at each other and that’s all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.
So when you argue, do not let your hearts get distant, do not say words that distance each other more, or else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return.
In this small little story, lies the crux of dealing with anger issues.
If we were to define anger in better words, we could say it is:
1. A game of dominance where defiance has to be dealt with aggression. You need to mark your territory with raised voices and pointed fingers.
2. An act of control where you establish your LOC because Believe it or not, we are all control freaks.
3. A veil that shrouds the best of minds and distances the closest of hearts.
Have you ever noticed how when we are angry we generally want to kill the same person we would normally die without?
Being Human
A cooler, much more human and grown up way is – to develop this sheer quality of thinking about what you can say in those moments. Flinging back mud is very easy. Perhaps the easiest. But talking logic and making sense in those moments of distress is the hallmark of a human being who is exercising his human qualities.
It is mediocre to lose your calm because a) everyone does it. And b) being calm is a superior and much more impactful way of dealing with situations that are not in our stride. There might be catharsis in anger but it’s fire over fire. There is grace in that zen like patience and quietness; and that’s the best fire extinguisher you can possess.
Let me share some life experience, friend: People whom are hard of hearing or deaf will understand a whisper more easily compared to shouting, because when communicating within whispering range, it's easiest for them to read your lips. ;-)
And yes, of course shouting and anger are also the feeblest attempts to exert the ego, when in reality the people whom are quick tempered are often the easiest to manipulate and control. In American English we have an expression, "cooler heads prevail" because strength is sometimes best demonstrated in relaxed and subtle ways.
