Relationship mechanics

Are you trying to achieve when it comes to love? If you are… you’re going to make yourself miserable and drive away lovers like you do it for a job. Something I’ve been noticing a lot lately is how focused people get on achieving something when it comes to love. What do I mean by ‘achievement’? Any instructions you have for the other person or yourself which you believe will further your ‘life goal’ or make you happy. This could be anything from wanting marriage to thinking if they would just come back and start calling you the right nickname, you could finally feel loved. Or, if there’s no one else in the picture, thinking that if ‘they’ would finally show up, you could finally start your ‘real life.’ Unfortunately, this future focus is an elegant way we make ourselves (and our lovers) feel bad. Because relationships aren’t actually about achieving the next “milestone.” They aren’t about getting married or having a kid or getting someone to rub your back the right way finally. They are about connecting with someone and enjoying their company in the moment. And… when people focus on this and this only they tend to have a very good time together. Then the other things start to take care of themselves. Because they’re out of lack mode and onto something much more magical. So... if, deep down, you’re striving for something, I want to encourage you to put it down. See whether you can dial back some of that desire and whether you could already be perfectly happy in the now. Because now is all we have. And attention to now always brings more.