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Liliya

Men are asking for the phone number straight away

Hello,

There is one problem I'm facing all the time, men want my phone number straight away, they either write their number in the first message or as soon as I reply them they ask for the number. I would get it if they were premium users, but usually, they are gold and platinum users.


What's the point of sharing your contacts with a stranger? When I explain to them that I want to chat here first, they stop replying. And this exactly why I don't want to share my number straight away, by this behaviour you show that you are not a gentleman.


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Veronika


Why hot writing your phone number, if the man is liked by you?


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Liliya

Reply to Veronika on View the commented comment

How can I know if I like him or not after the first message? I should talk to him first.


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Anya


Maybe they want to be sure that you're not a "fake"

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Bella, 45 y.o.

Russia

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Reply to Liliya on View the commented comment

Для меня была оптимальна фраза мужчины, отправленная через некоторое время после знакомства на сайте, типа "Мне будет приятно общаться по email/телефону/... Вот мои личные координаты. Когда сочтете для себя комфортным перейти на такое общение, используйте их, буду рад". В этом случае мужчина явно показывает свою заинтересованность, но уважительно относится к границам и предпочтениям женщины.


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Sven


Hello Liliya

I don´t know, why men ask in first letter, or first reply for your number. But if you don´t want this, don´t do it.
Sven

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Tim, 40 y.o.

United States

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I think you are smart to not give them your number right away. I know that I would not feel comfortable giving out my phone number to a stranger, especially within the first few messages.

That being said, as Anya mentioned, some men want to know if you are "real" or not. For example, they might think you are employed by the website or an agency and are trying to scam them in some way. Asking and receiving your phone number is a way to "verify" you, because most scammers would not give out personal details.

A good alternative is to provide your email address and suggest communicating that way. Tell the men that you are not comfortable giving out your phone number so soon but would be happy to correspond through email. This way the men feel like you are interested in them and willing to talk through something that's a little more personal than messages on the site. Plus it will remove most of their concerns that you are employed by the website because you are willing to move communication away from it. If you don't want to actually use your personal email you can just make another email address to use. Once you feel comfortable enough then you can move on from email to phone numbers, Skype, Viber, etc.

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I think most reasonable men with serious intentions would understand this. If they insist that you provide your phone number (or address) right away and will not accept anything less, I would move on and find somebody that is more understanding.  


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Veronika


OK, talk! I do not see any dangerosity! If you see it,please, write.


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Veronika

Reply to Bella on View the commented comment

Согласна, обоюдно знать номера нормально. Или опасаетесь насчет снятия денег с мобильного? Так держите на мобильном *чуть*... 

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Tatyana, 61 y.o.

Ukraine

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Вы делаете всё правильно, а главное - достойно.

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Tatyana, 61 y.o.

Ukraine

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Reply to Tim on View the commented comment

Очень умный и разумный совет на сайте от мужчины. Спасибо. И хорошего вам выбора.


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Liliya

Reply to Tim on View the commented comment

Thank you for your time and your constructive comment  


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Liliya

Reply to Tatyana on View the commented comment

Спасибо за поддержку  


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Hugo Alberto


Hello Lilya
I am in the opposite side of the bench and I can say that I would see with suspicion a girl who gives or asks contact information in the first message.
The use of smartphones and instant messaging apps is a good reason to give a phone number or to ask for it. Is possible to use other apps, such as ICQ which don't require a phone number. The point here in my opinion is convenience. Is easier to write in the phone if you are moving, walking or not in front of the computer, with the added bonus of the possibility to have a vide chat and see each other. Is good to verify that the person you are talking to is real  
Hope this helps


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Andrea


Privet Liliya,
i can say from my personal experience...
I don't ask phone number at first mail, usually i wait some week when i have more elements to consider woman interesting and not just "nice".
If i can be honest, i woudn't like that woman give me her numer after few mail.
So, i agree with you.

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Inessa, 56 y.o.

Russia

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У меня часто так бывает. Сразу пишут :"Привет, есть ли скайп ?

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