Dave, I think we have just found the needed technician for "Nut House Rock" (remember Elvis?   )
With his "Full English Command of Technical Issues" he can be put in charge of sound mixing  

Welcome, Salvador! Due to your personal skills, your remarkable ability to think clearly and convey your thoughts logically and coherently, you have just earned yourself a ticket to the Carribean Villa!
MC Eric, Master-of-the-House-Hugo, Paul Edminton and Natty are looking forward to welcoming you in person! Soon to be followed by "Ms-Mystic-Mystery-Tanya" who is currently also applying for membership.
Do you prefer Margaritas dry (Canadian) or do you take double shots? How do you like Maple Syrup?
We always welcome additional ideas, such as
"Tequila In-Her/His-Vena" (partner shots of tequila directly infused into the brain). You look and SOUND exactly like the expert we need? Any suggestion on how we can squeeze in the lemon thereafter?
Have a great weekend! We're eagerly waiting for your reply!

PS please do all the ladies a favour and scan and post ALL your certificates with your next comment. I'm sure it will massively increase your chances to buy Mexican land in Russia.