On the subject of having or being a "backup".
I think on an emotional level, the idea is very off putting, negative, and surely not romantic. Everybody wants to be the first choice; nobody wants to be second or third or 20th. I think it's all of our dream to find that person that has eyes and a heart only for us. We'll communicate only with each other (letters and Skype), have a wonderful first meeting, fall in love, and marriage will follow. That's the dream.
However, in reality and on a practical level, it makes a lot of sense to have a backup plan for both men and women. It's more dramatic for Western men though due to time and money. The USA, for example, is physically a LONG way from 99% of the women on this site. Most Americans only have 2 weeks of vacation a year and flights to say, Russia, are fairly expensive.
Let's say an American man takes his full 2 weeks of vacation for a meeting. He and the woman meet but realize they're not a good match within the first few days. They decide not to move forward. Assuming he flew to her city, she just goes home but the man is now stuck in a country where he knows nobody and probably can't speak the language, so he can't just try and meet a new woman at the local library or night club. He also won't be able to take another vacation for a year. What if he finds another woman he'd like to meet before then? Will she be willing to wait for a year for a meeting or move on to somebody else? That is a lot of time and money lost with only heartbreak to show for it.
If he has been in contact with another woman in the same area/country, he can then go meet her during the same trip and see if there is any chemistry.
It doesn't seem "fair" and in some ways, maybe it's not but I think it's part of the compressed timeline that is common with these kind of international relationships/marriages. Let's say the man in my example above had no backup plans and just went home. He logs back in to this site and starts the process all over again; writing letters, sending out winks, and hoping to find a woman worth flying around the world for. If he does find another woman, would anybody consider her a "backup" to the woman he already met? What's different except the time in between?
I've had some great communication with a few women from this site via letters, chat, and Skype. I've ALWAYS assumed, though, that they were talking with other men at the same time and that I'm probably a backup until I prove myself. Maybe that's true or maybe not but I understand it's in the woman's interest to be speaking with multiple men. She doesn't know who is serious and who will make the journey to come have a meeting. Why waste time speaking with only one man and then finding out he's not serious or doesn't want to meet? In my opinion, it makes more sense to communicate and possibly meet, with multiple people and see which one stands out from the rest.
I would tell everyone, both men and women, to assume that they are a "backup" in some way or another and that is not necessarily a bad thing. It does NOT mean you are less beautiful, less interesting, or not as compatible. Maybe you were just the second woman (or man) to respond and the person wants to give the first respondent a chance to be "fair". There's a lot of possible factors to consider.
I think on an emotional level, the idea is very off putting, negative, and surely not romantic. Everybody wants to be the first choice; nobody wants to be second or third or 20th. I think it's all of our dream to find that person that has eyes and a heart only for us. We'll communicate only with each other (letters and Skype), have a wonderful first meeting, fall in love, and marriage will follow. That's the dream.
However, in reality and on a practical level, it makes a lot of sense to have a backup plan for both men and women. It's more dramatic for Western men though due to time and money. The USA, for example, is physically a LONG way from 99% of the women on this site. Most Americans only have 2 weeks of vacation a year and flights to say, Russia, are fairly expensive.
Let's say an American man takes his full 2 weeks of vacation for a meeting. He and the woman meet but realize they're not a good match within the first few days. They decide not to move forward. Assuming he flew to her city, she just goes home but the man is now stuck in a country where he knows nobody and probably can't speak the language, so he can't just try and meet a new woman at the local library or night club. He also won't be able to take another vacation for a year. What if he finds another woman he'd like to meet before then? Will she be willing to wait for a year for a meeting or move on to somebody else? That is a lot of time and money lost with only heartbreak to show for it.
If he has been in contact with another woman in the same area/country, he can then go meet her during the same trip and see if there is any chemistry.
It doesn't seem "fair" and in some ways, maybe it's not but I think it's part of the compressed timeline that is common with these kind of international relationships/marriages. Let's say the man in my example above had no backup plans and just went home. He logs back in to this site and starts the process all over again; writing letters, sending out winks, and hoping to find a woman worth flying around the world for. If he does find another woman, would anybody consider her a "backup" to the woman he already met? What's different except the time in between?
I've had some great communication with a few women from this site via letters, chat, and Skype. I've ALWAYS assumed, though, that they were talking with other men at the same time and that I'm probably a backup until I prove myself. Maybe that's true or maybe not but I understand it's in the woman's interest to be speaking with multiple men. She doesn't know who is serious and who will make the journey to come have a meeting. Why waste time speaking with only one man and then finding out he's not serious or doesn't want to meet? In my opinion, it makes more sense to communicate and possibly meet, with multiple people and see which one stands out from the rest.
I would tell everyone, both men and women, to assume that they are a "backup" in some way or another and that is not necessarily a bad thing. It does NOT mean you are less beautiful, less interesting, or not as compatible. Maybe you were just the second woman (or man) to respond and the person wants to give the first respondent a chance to be "fair". There's a lot of possible factors to consider.