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I can understand why it is you do not comprehend my predicament and insist on saying I have a bad attitude. And seeing as you have bad mouthed me in this forum and have not accepted my invitation to talk in private I am forced to tell you more of my story in public. My story is difficult enough to believe for a Westerner, so as former Soviet women I think you may not comprehend what you are about to hear.
I never loved my wife. She was a Tibetan refugee CLOSE FRIEND of mine with a three year old son. Her husband had left her and I told her I would marry her and take her to Australia. As a friend I loved her enough to do that. I didn't think much of it at the time, I was only 27. It seemed the noble thing to do. She had no country and no family. So I made a deal with her. When she had her citizenship we would get a divorce. However she fell in love with me and when I tried to end the relationship and stick to the deal she cried and begged and I felt so sorry for her. so I agreed to stay with her until she got on her feet and adapted better to the country. It is hard to leave someone who cries and begs at your feet. Yes, I am too soft. All my friends say I am too soft hearted and would never get the strength to leave her.
To cut a long story short and after more failed attempts to leave, I gave up. I decided I could stay with this woman if I had to. I loved her enough, but I was not in love with her. There is of course a massive difference. So I said to myself, "What is it that will make my life more bearable in this relationship?" And I decided it would be children. So we had kids. And I adored my daughters beyond all possibility. I finally found out what it is to really love. And as my wife got post natal depression after the second child she decided that she wanted to go to work to meet people. The doctor said that this would be a good thing because we lived in the country away from the towns. I thought, yes, this is my chance to spend more time with my children, so I quit work and looked after them. I even home educated them. Until this day, I still do.
But several years later I decided I still couldn't bare it. I had to find my soul mate. I was getting older and running out of time. Women do not look at you when you are married.
So I split up with my wife. I managed to be strong and finally did it. I was free at last. I was so happy. We were sharing the kids even though she was extremely angry at me. I tried desperately to stay friends for the benefit of all of us, but she kept getting angry and stirring everyone against me. She even reported me to the police several times for made up reason. The police got sick of coming around and told me this sort of stuff happens all the times with marriage break ups.
So you know the rest. My deep love for my daughters, my weakness, was used against me. She got a lawyer and her advice, if she wanted me back, was to take off with the kids to the refuge until I accepted her back. Which I did after two months of hearing nothing from them.
I then had to stay with my wife(another ten years) until my eldest daughter approached 16 because at 16 the child can decide who it is they want to live with. And where the one daughter goes the other will usually follow. My eldest is almost 16 now. But I decided a few months ago that she was close enough and if my wife wanted to go to court it would be too late. They are too old now to be tricked into going to a refuge. My wife finally had no hold over me.
My daughters have decided to live with me now. They see their mother sometimes on the weekends. They now know the truth of what happened but still love her.
It may be hard to comprehend that a man could stay with a woman he does not love, just because he loves his children so much. But that is what I did. It was my choice and I made it. But I am scarred. Deeply.
I never loved my wife. She was a Tibetan refugee CLOSE FRIEND of mine with a three year old son. Her husband had left her and I told her I would marry her and take her to Australia. As a friend I loved her enough to do that. I didn't think much of it at the time, I was only 27. It seemed the noble thing to do. She had no country and no family. So I made a deal with her. When she had her citizenship we would get a divorce. However she fell in love with me and when I tried to end the relationship and stick to the deal she cried and begged and I felt so sorry for her. so I agreed to stay with her until she got on her feet and adapted better to the country. It is hard to leave someone who cries and begs at your feet. Yes, I am too soft. All my friends say I am too soft hearted and would never get the strength to leave her.
To cut a long story short and after more failed attempts to leave, I gave up. I decided I could stay with this woman if I had to. I loved her enough, but I was not in love with her. There is of course a massive difference. So I said to myself, "What is it that will make my life more bearable in this relationship?" And I decided it would be children. So we had kids. And I adored my daughters beyond all possibility. I finally found out what it is to really love. And as my wife got post natal depression after the second child she decided that she wanted to go to work to meet people. The doctor said that this would be a good thing because we lived in the country away from the towns. I thought, yes, this is my chance to spend more time with my children, so I quit work and looked after them. I even home educated them. Until this day, I still do.
But several years later I decided I still couldn't bare it. I had to find my soul mate. I was getting older and running out of time. Women do not look at you when you are married.
So I split up with my wife. I managed to be strong and finally did it. I was free at last. I was so happy. We were sharing the kids even though she was extremely angry at me. I tried desperately to stay friends for the benefit of all of us, but she kept getting angry and stirring everyone against me. She even reported me to the police several times for made up reason. The police got sick of coming around and told me this sort of stuff happens all the times with marriage break ups.
So you know the rest. My deep love for my daughters, my weakness, was used against me. She got a lawyer and her advice, if she wanted me back, was to take off with the kids to the refuge until I accepted her back. Which I did after two months of hearing nothing from them.
I then had to stay with my wife(another ten years) until my eldest daughter approached 16 because at 16 the child can decide who it is they want to live with. And where the one daughter goes the other will usually follow. My eldest is almost 16 now. But I decided a few months ago that she was close enough and if my wife wanted to go to court it would be too late. They are too old now to be tricked into going to a refuge. My wife finally had no hold over me.
My daughters have decided to live with me now. They see their mother sometimes on the weekends. They now know the truth of what happened but still love her.
It may be hard to comprehend that a man could stay with a woman he does not love, just because he loves his children so much. But that is what I did. It was my choice and I made it. But I am scarred. Deeply.