Hello, Steven! I partly agree with your message. But I think that not misunderstandings in particular must definitely lead to conflicts, heartache, hurt and pain. It depends on many factors and the main one is the level of patience of both characters in their perception of trifles of their life. The risks are growing and more evident if the persons are from different cultures, of course.
I'd like to illustrate some hardships of adaptation period of one of my friends who married an Englishman. She is 53 years old now and has been living in the UK for about 3 years.
First, the climate. Chilly summer + mild winter = everlasting cold. People are dressed in warm clothes all the time. In winter the heating system works only during the daytime ( the temperature inside is usually 18 C). Well, when she asked her husband 'Can we switch on the heating at night because I'm cold?', he answered 'No, it's not economical, and it is the tradition - nobody here uses the heating system at night'. After warm and sunny Ukraine her physical body tried to get accustomed to new conditions that resulted in the big problems with her joints. Now she needs at least one summer month to stay in Ukraine to lie in the sun. My question is - Is it possible to change the tradition in one particular home?
Second, his pets. He's a big dog lover. He's got six dogs (!). They don't have special place in the house - they are everywhere. What is she doing the whole day? Cleaning the floor because the dogs walk outside in any weather and then inside the house. In Ukraine she didn't keep pets at home, she kept her flat sparkly clean. When she asked her husband 'Can we keep dogs in a special place somewhere in the yard?', he answered 'No, it's not good to keep dogs in the cage. If you're tired of cleaning the floor, it is not necessary to clean it every day.' (!) Well, she continue cleaning the floor several times a day. My question is - Is it possible to enjoy one or at least two dogs in the house?
Third, the house itself is very old, about 300 y.o. So, the taps for cold and hot water in the bathroom are separate. It is awfully inconvenient. In all European countries the taps are joined into a bath mixer. When she asked her husband to instal a bath mixer, he said 'It is not economical and the separate taps is not a problem at all.' My question is - Is it possible to change things in the house just to provide more physical comfort for other person?
Well, it is very difficult and even impossible to change other person's habits. But it is possible to change trifle things, that can spoil the life of other person, under one condition - if there's a desire to change them.
It is not misunderstanding, which can lead to conflicts, but indifference, selfishness and unwillingness to find a compromise.
I'd like to illustrate some hardships of adaptation period of one of my friends who married an Englishman. She is 53 years old now and has been living in the UK for about 3 years.
First, the climate. Chilly summer + mild winter = everlasting cold. People are dressed in warm clothes all the time. In winter the heating system works only during the daytime ( the temperature inside is usually 18 C). Well, when she asked her husband 'Can we switch on the heating at night because I'm cold?', he answered 'No, it's not economical, and it is the tradition - nobody here uses the heating system at night'. After warm and sunny Ukraine her physical body tried to get accustomed to new conditions that resulted in the big problems with her joints. Now she needs at least one summer month to stay in Ukraine to lie in the sun. My question is - Is it possible to change the tradition in one particular home?
Second, his pets. He's a big dog lover. He's got six dogs (!). They don't have special place in the house - they are everywhere. What is she doing the whole day? Cleaning the floor because the dogs walk outside in any weather and then inside the house. In Ukraine she didn't keep pets at home, she kept her flat sparkly clean. When she asked her husband 'Can we keep dogs in a special place somewhere in the yard?', he answered 'No, it's not good to keep dogs in the cage. If you're tired of cleaning the floor, it is not necessary to clean it every day.' (!) Well, she continue cleaning the floor several times a day. My question is - Is it possible to enjoy one or at least two dogs in the house?
Third, the house itself is very old, about 300 y.o. So, the taps for cold and hot water in the bathroom are separate. It is awfully inconvenient. In all European countries the taps are joined into a bath mixer. When she asked her husband to instal a bath mixer, he said 'It is not economical and the separate taps is not a problem at all.' My question is - Is it possible to change things in the house just to provide more physical comfort for other person?
Well, it is very difficult and even impossible to change other person's habits. But it is possible to change trifle things, that can spoil the life of other person, under one condition - if there's a desire to change them.
It is not misunderstanding, which can lead to conflicts, but indifference, selfishness and unwillingness to find a compromise.