I didn't read or look at your profile initially. I have now looked at it. you are a very attractive man, and you write very well. If I understand correctly, your life has been hit too hard. maybe that's why you have some caveats. but it seems to me what was in the past should remain there. yes, there is a need to turn the page of the book, and perhaps open your heart a little to the future, and at least pay for a membership on the site) to give women a chance to start a correspondence with you. without payment, you can't even read women's letters.
good luck)