Mercy and Grace in the Relationship

There is a saying that "Women marry a man thinking they will change him and men marry a woman thinking she will never change. And both are wrong." So are we destined for conflict, heartache and hurt? Yes, sadly, because we are human, we make mistakes. We have misunderstandings. We fail. Anyone looking for the perfect person will not find them. Even in the best relationships, things happen that cause misunderstanding and hurt. When you add in different languages and different cultures, there is even more room for these to occur through no fault of our own. What it means is that we must offer to our special person more patience, more understanding and more willingness to accept their "flaws". There must be an open mind when you become involved with a "foreigner", with someone from another country, another culture, another language. In some ways, we must be more like a child than an adult and open our eyes and learn, rather than make quick decisions and "know what is happening" (when we really don't). An ex-girlfriend of mine had a negative opinion of me because i did not replace the "old' clothes washer and dryer in the house. She thought I was being stingy and cheap. I could not understand. She later explained that she didn't understand why I didn't have a modern clothes machine with a washer and dryer in the same unit. Well, the reason to have a combination unit is space, not efficiency or effectiveness! But she only knew what she had in Ukraine and thought it must be the right and only choice. In a multi-cultural, multi-lingual relationship, these simple misunderstandings can happen every day and we cannot take offense. Even between men and women of the same culture and same language, there are misunderstandings because we are men and women! How can we show grace and mercy to our spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend? Try to look at things differently, with "new eyes". Expect that each day is a learning experience. Accept that we do not know what we are getting ourselves into and keep an open mind. Focus on the positive. They may be stubborn but you can choose to see them as persistent and tenacious. Then loving them becomes easier. Remember love is an action not a feeling. We choose to love through our words, our actions, our gifts and how we spend our time. If they are disorganized, you can choose to see that they are spontaneous or flexible or creative. "You'll do you best by filling your minds and meditating on noble things - the best and not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise and not to curse." People will usually live up to the image you hold of them. Celebrate them. We often try to impose our desired image of them. We resent them and insist they change, and do things to our required standard. But we do not need another being just like us. We already have ourselves. We need a partner, a second half. They will not be the same.The little things are irrelevant, yet we often make them into huge issues for no good reason. My ex-wife used to have a make-up bag that she put in the cabinet under the bathroom sink every morning when she got ready for her day. It was rather large and invariably, she would place it so that it did not go all the way in the cabinet and the door did not close all the way. Seeing the open door bothered me and I pointed it out to her. Some days she remembered to make sure the door closed but more often she did not. I had a choice, I could continue to complain and argue about how she could be so messy (in general she was not) and be unhappy and create strife. Or I could open the door, move the bag and close the door. This was not a problem, but people make problems out of little things that are really meaningless. A problem is losing a job or the death of a baby or someone in the family getting cancer. Let's focus more on the positive and forget about all these irrelevant little issues that somehow manage to break relationships and marriages. Focus on the positive and not the negative. We almost must forgive them. None of this does any good if we are harboring resentment in our hearts. We are all different. And in relationships such as we are all pursuing or wanting to pursue, we are even MORE different. She thinks she's detailed; he thinks she nit-picking. He thinks he's laid back; she thinks he's lazy. Do not give resentment and dissatisfaction a place in you relationship or marriage. Grace and mercy allow you to see beyond their upsetting ways and see them in a new light. Good luck to everyone reading this, may you find your special person and love them forever.