The Art of Platonic Romance

I think it is fair to say that many of the what you might call "normal" people on this website have come here to experience a monogamous relationship with just one person. While our views of how we go about entering into a relationship may vary, the average person has in common the simple notion that love is about committing to just one person. Suddenly there is a problem. Online dating is about multiple conversations happening at one time. Immediately some people new to online dating will cast judgement... YOU ARE UNFAITHFUL TO ME! No, they only just met you! If you saw a stranger in the street, would you walk up to them and say, "I SAW YOU LOOKING AT THE WAITRESS IN THAT CAFE! I LIKE YOU, AND BECAUSE YOU ARE LOOKING AT OTHER PEOPLE, YOU ARE UNFAITHFUL TO ME!" No. That wouldn't happen. But it does happen online. We are not accustomed to having lots of conversations at the same time. You are not being unfaithful to anyone by talking to lots of people. In fact, perhaps you are being unfaithful to yourself, if you don't leverage your paid membership to speak to a few more people, in order to find someone that makes your heart go BOOM! Bing Bada BOOM bada BOOM! If we take the approach of only talking to one person to find out their compatibility, finding a person that matches us might take hundreds of years! But if we talk to too many people, we are not being faithful and we can't really give adequate attention to develop a relationship with our one and only. Somewhere in the middle, there is a balance! It also occurs to me that finding a soul mate is a matter for the soul! But how can souls connect through a medium of technology that denies all of the fruits of the soul. The way that a person moves, speaks, touches. We are in a sensory deprivation tank in which we must make the decision of a lifetime to fulfill our senses, without being able to use those sense. That's difficult. Or is it? We can easily move to WhatsApp, Google Hangouts, WeChat, Vkontakte or Skype and in-satiate our our auditory and visual sense of a person. Yet before we do this, perhaps being old fashioned and platonic has a useful place! Because the moment that we take sex off the table (not saying that we are having sex on the table in the first place) we can begin to focus on other fruits of the soul. Virtues. Values. Priorities. Hobbies. Wants. Needs. Passions. Pleasures. To my mind, the art of platonic romance is understanding that as human beings, we ought to fundamentally love and respect all other beings. By love I mean agape love, live and let live, sacrificial love. Having a sense of "Namaste", I respect you, you respect me. We approach our communication from the perspective of respecting each other equally. Accepting that each has their own path, we humbly respect that someone else's path is not necessarily our path. Timing is everything. If two people arrive at the same place at the same time in their spirit, if they are heading in the same direction with the same desires, the way is much easier. One person wants to have children, the other one doesn't. It is good to know this in the beginning. Yet we should also be flexible. People often have fixed goals, then they meet a person who blows their mind! They meet the love of their life who doesn't want children. True love is sacrificial and would make the sacrifice to be with each other. Another person wants children, and so the gift of love becomes to mutually accept that loving this person is to raise children together. We each may seek different ways to experience connection. None of them are wrong. All of them are equally valid. Everyone becomes beautiful, with the right person. The art of platonic romance is still affectionate and intimate, but does so without exerting our sexuality. Most normal people enjoy sensuality and sexual expression. We each want to be wanted, need to be needed and love to be loved. Beloved. The art of platonic romance understands that sexuality is the fruit of a deeper life connection with our partner. If we are to make love, we should first make friendship, which forms the foundation of many of the deep feelings that occupy sensuality. I am making love to you when I make you a cup of tea. Because love is service. Every aspect of life is a component of love making. Sexuality is only the crescendo and not the melody. The art of platonic romance is to orchestrate our conversation to make space to listen to the other persons life desires, without a sense of taking an advantage of their openness or vulnerability. Instead, the person exercising a respectful approach to speaking to many people, will treat everyone as a best friend. I will look after you for me, if you will look after me for you. This includes making sure that if we aren't really feeling a connection, we have the compassion and integrity to let the other person know that, while we wish all the best for them, we don't want to occupy a space in their heart and in their life that was always intended for someone else more right for them. It's OK to say no graciously, and much better than being silent. Say something complimentary about the other person in parting, and part as a friend. Say something complimentary in greeting. To have a friend, be a friend. To experience a great love, give a great love. To experience excitement, be exciting. To be cared for, be caring.