Will I Ever Find Love Again? Reasons You Will And What You Must Do
Finding a person to date is quite easy in this day and age, but finding someone to connect with and have a fulfilling relationship with is on a whole other level. Stable long-term relationships that can lead to marriage take two like-minded people.
They require couples to be on the same page not just about the way they feel, but also about the things they want from the relationship, the way they communicate, perceive each other, invest in each other, view the world, and the things they believe in.
Relationships are some of the hardest things to master and maintain because they require certain kinds of skills we don’t learn in school. I’m talking about skills that aren’t just related to the relationship (communication, trust, loyalty, etc.), but also skills that everyone should develop whether they’re in a relationship or not.
Most people, unfortunately, don't know they lack these skills until they get into a relationship with someone they love because that's when those skills (or the lack of them) reveal themselves in the forms of disagreements, impatience, stubbornness, selfishness, jealousy , arguments, and all kinds of shortcomings.
These shortcomings come out because people get used to being with their partner, take their partner for granted (at least a bit), and unknowingly project their unhappiness onto him or her and test their partner’s patience. Not all people treat their partner poorly, of course, but many do because they never learned to value people and control their impulses.
They didn’t need to because they got away with certain behaviors in the past without paying the price for it. Because they had a get out of jail free card, they, as a result, neglected the importance of self-growth and carried their childhood issues, traumas, fears, anger issues, trust issues, abandonment issues, and poor communication styles into their relationships and through self-negligence destroyed their relationships before they even started.
The problem with people in relationships isn’t that they have flaws. It’s that they don’t have the desire to look for flaws, identify them, work on them, and compromise when they need to. They’d rather let the other person do the work while they carry on inattentively and mind their own business.
If they took the time to invest in themselves, they could sometimes (not always) prevent their partner from becoming resentful and leaving them. They could continue to stay in love and grow both individually and as romantic partners.
But enough about that. You’re here because you’re asking yourself, “Will I ever find love again?” You want to know if what you had before is what you can have again and be like other successful couples. The quick answer to your query is YES. You will find love again. And the good thing about it is that it will most likely be even more fulfilling, healthy, durable, and long-lasting.
This is because romantic failures have taught you that relationships need work and that if someone (whether it’s you or your partner) stops prioritizing the relationship, things can quickly take a turn for the worse. They can lead to cheating, neglect, depression, suffocation, and a loss of feelings.
There’s no denying the fact that numerous smart, good-looking, successful, ambitious people are struggling to find love. Many are doing extremely well at work or home, have many friends, enjoy their lives, and live healthy lifestyles, but they still can’t find a worthwhile person to commit to and stay with long-term.
Why is that?
Oftentimes people aren’t ready for love. They’re broken-hearted, insecure, or desperate for a connection, so they want love for all the wrong reasons. Instead of wanting someone who will complete them, they want a person who will make them.
And that’s wrong because no person should teach them how to live and be their everything. Romantic partners are a big part of our lives, that’s for certain. But they can’t be the sole purpose we get up for in the morning.
Not unless they’re incapable of taking care of themselves and need our help. But that’s a topic for another time.
The point I’m trying to make is that most people reading this article wonder if they’ll ever find love again because they’re dealing with romantic rejection. They’re hurt, sad, miserable, and are struggling to accept the breakup and love themselves. That’s why instead of working on themselves, they want to find love again and be happy with the help of another person.
A person going through a breakup or dealing with something difficult shouldn’t be obsessively thinking about finding love again. He or she should be taking the long road to self-acceptance and healing, which is to improve self-esteem and other areas of life that are lacking.
This includes friendships, family bonds, work, passion, independence, physical/emotional health, and much more. These are just a few things people in pain, asking themselves, “Will I ever find love again” should be focusing on. You see, love is like a drug. The moment anxious people find it, many if not most of them will stop working on themselves.
They’ll feel too validated to look within and change some of the things that need changing.
I’m not saying they should do nothing but mull over their misery, but if they got broken up with, they should use the time after the breakup to become emotionally stronger and wiser. If they can focus on themselves rather than other people, they can outgrow their old selves and not have to wonder whether they’ll find love again.
They can find something much better – which is self-love.
Those who keep looking for love when they’re struggling to find internal peace and happiness eventually find love. But because they’re obsessed with feeling the kind of love they felt in the past, they go through the rebound stages and fail to stay connected.
They fail at keeping their love alive because they aren’t emotionally ready for new emotional investments.
Look, I get it, being alone when your friends are settling down, getting married, and having kids can feel like you’re the only one who failed to find happiness. But you need to understand that you’re not in competition with your friends. You don’t need to have things society wants you to have and reach your family’s expectations.
All you need is to know that finding love takes time and that it’s okay even if it takes decades. Lots of people divorce at various ages and points in life. This is normal, and quite honestly, healthy for many. Those who break up have some things to learn and improve so they can find love again.
If you can’t find love and are afraid you’ll never find it again, try not to think poorly of yourself. Don’t think that something’s wrong with you and that you’re not worthy of love and commitment. Also, don’t think about giving up on love. You probably feel like the people you date always disappoint you, but there’s a reason for that.
We need to identify that reason (or reasons) so you can have a better chance of finding real love. Please read until the end so you can discover the cause of your lack of romantic progression.
One of the most plausible reasons you’re struggling to find love again is that you’re still processing the end of your previous relationship and aren’t emotionally ready for love yet. You’re still thinking about the person who broke your heart and fantasizing about being with that person.
If that’s what you’re doing, you’re incapable of being in a relationship even if Mr. or Mrs. right takes interest in you. As long as you’re hurting over the loss of a relationship and need your ex to validate you, it’s impossible for you to connect with anyone else. Your heart still belongs to your ex, so it’s not going to open up to someone else no matter how hard you try.
All you’ll do by forcing it is realize your ex was the better person for you and get hurt and nostalgic in the process. So before you even try to fall in love with someone else, make sure to get your ex out of your system. Sign up for therapy, exercise, spend time with friends and family, and distract yourself. These things will help you process the breakup at the fastest rate possible and allow you to feel something for the people you associate with.
Another reason why you might be having a hard time finding love is that you’re not interacting with lots of people. You might be living quite an asocial life and have very few romantic opportunities. To find love, you don’t have to be the most social person on the planet, but you do have to be willing to get out of your comfort zone and live your life.
Do that by accepting people’s invitations, going out with friends more, attending various shows, concerts, events, and joining local communities. There’s a lot you can do to increase the number of people you meet and interact with.
The third reason you might be struggling to keep men or women interested is that your self-esteem and confidence are low. You probably know how important these traits are because they make certain impressions on people. They tell people how you think of yourself and how hard they’d have to invest in you to make the relationship work.
If you can improve confidence and self-esteem, you should attract more people into your life.
To boost them, work on your physical appearance, social skills, fears, and take risks in life. Try to improve the way you see yourself and your understanding of who you are as a person.
We also need to point out that you might need to work on yourself a bit more. If you lack self-awareness and are saying things people find offensive, for example, you need to look into that. Find out if the way you act or don’t act is healthy and generally accepted so that you can improve yourself if needed.
The fifth reason why you’re struggling to find love might be that you’re impatient and want love right away. If that’s the issue, you need to learn that love isn’t something you can get just because you want it badly. It’s something that happens when two people like and respect each other to the point where they want to grow and progress in life together.
You may want to connect a bit too much because you’re impatient or afraid you’re running out of time. Figure out if that’s the case so you can slow down a bit.
The final point is that you might have a difficult time settling down with people. Instead of giving people a fair chance, you get bored or disappointed and start looking for the next best thing. That would imply that you’re not sure about what you want from your relationships and that you want to find the best person rather than become the best with him or her.
Lower your standards a little bit
Finding a person identical to you in all aspects of life is never going to happen because there is no other you in this world. You won’t find him or her no matter where you look because he or she exists only in your imagination.
Even if you find someone with the same interests and similar personalities, the two of you could still have gender differences, hormonal differences, cultural differences, behavioral differences, differences in upbringing, and differences of opinion.
Something will always be different, so there’s no point in looking for a mirror image of you. It’s good to respect yourself and set the bar high, but don’t go looking high up in heaven. People have flaws and differences and sometimes we need to accept them just as they need to accept ours. That’s how we can give room for growth to occur and the relationship a chance to develop.
A person who likes you will probably take up some of your hobbies and interest, copy your vocabulary, and mimic some of your behaviors. That’s because love unites couples, makes their lifestyles somewhat similar, and enables them to live joyfully.
So instead of wondering if you’ll ever find a person like you or one of your exes, know that you don’t need a person like your ex to be happy. Your ex is your ex (a person the relationship failed with), so you just need an open-minded person with similar values to you.
In other words, you need a mature person who has set his or her priorities straight and wants what you want – a serious commitment.
I know I make this sound easy, but it’s anything but. People are different and often resistant to change. They value their opinions a lot because their opinions identify them and tell them what they should accept, reject, and fight for. But despite that, you should look for someone who’s already done the work on himself or herself and is ready for a serious relationship.
A man or woman like that likely won’t spend 5 days a week at the bar getting wasted. He or she will work (or go to school), be family-oriented, understand the importance of physical and emotional health, and have control over his or her negative thoughts and emotions.
The kind of love you’re looking for, therefore, is built on virtues, acceptance, and understanding. You want someone who will stick with you through thick and thin and not leave when stress, pressure, anxiety, differences of opinion, and other unpleasant thoughts and feelings pile up.
If you ask me, that kind of person is worth waiting for. I’ve dated a fair share of people, and I can tell you I’d rather be single than stay with a person who makes me feel unloved and can’t grow with me. To me, the ability to grow is probably the most important thing I look for and respect in a person. Everything else (common hobbies and interests, communication differences, understanding each other better, and even goals) we can work on as we go.
So if I managed to convince you a little, don’t look for a perfect person. If you look for a perfect person, you’ll move from one person to the next without truly getting to know people. To give people a chance, you have to give them about half a year of time to show you what they’re made of.
Half a year should be enough for you to see if your values are aligned and if you can grow together.
Of course, you don't have to stay with people if there's no chemistry and attraction, but do see if they've done any work on themselves, if they're capable of handling constructive criticism, and if they're willing to work with you on problems when they emerge.
Of course, this also applies to you. Relationships go both ways, so if your partner (or someone you like) is dedicated to you and ready to adapt, don’t get scared and think less of him or her. You should be willing to improve and grow simultaneously because it’s the mature thing to do.
The sad reality though, is that some people are better equipped for long-term relationships than others. Some develop open-mindedness and empathy because they spend more time reflecting on their behaviors, whereas others completely ignore the need to do that and fail.
They grow only when they need to because they’re motivated by pain and demotivated by joy. In other words, they lack self-awareness and the understanding that self-development is a constant lifelong process.
It’s only a matter of time before you find love again
If you found love before, you can be certain that you’ll find love again. It may not happen when you want it to, but that’s probably for the best because you want to keep your expectations low. You want to be detached from the outcome as that will make you as attractive you can be.
So try not to worry about whether you’ll find love again after a breakup. If you’re open to love and don’t live in a bunker completely cut off from society, finding love is inevitable. You’ll most likely find it when you’re not thinking about it anymore and don’t need anyone but yourself to be happy.
That’s when you’ll start wondering if worrying about finding love again was even worth it.
Mark my words that you’ll find love again. Just make sure to do the work on yourself so you’re ready for it when it finds you.