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Chris

Very few people here under 35 have serious intentions

I'm sure this will be a controversial topic. It would be nice to have input from women under 35 (ideally under 30) to have a debate or to find solutions, but I've noticed that almost none use the forum, and I have seen very few success stories regarding younger couples. Over the past while here, I've noticed that this site isn't really for young people with serious intentions - and maybe I'm starting to understand why. I'm aware of the stigma surrounding internet dating in the former Soviet Union, but I don't think this explains why so few young people take this site seriously. My impression is that young people use this site as a boost to their ego - to receive messages and praise from attractive and/or successful members of the opposite sex. This is the unfortunate result of the need for instant gratification that plagues the younger generations. We need apps like Tinder to instantly match someone who wants shallow relations (sex predominantly) - or just the validation of matching with someone to feel better about themselves. We need the dopamine rush from receiving "likes" and attention, but this destroys our ability to build long-term happiness. I feel that speaking with enough casual daters ruins the experience of serious people, so that they just lose interest in the whole process. I admit that I now fall into that group.



Something I've observed for a long time here is the level of "turnover" among women under 30 here. That is, they create their profile, have brief conversations, and vanish within a day or two. A lot of these women will write first, but won't even read any responses, or will read them and leave them unanswered. A lot of women that I write to first will do the same. I try to start with topics they will find interesting, as a way to "break the ice", but find that it's a lot more difficult than it seems. I've alluded to this on the forum previously, but lots of younger women here are just boring to talk to - many give simple response that are maybe 5-10 words long to messages, even after switching to communication off the site. It's not interesting at all to talk to someone like that. What is there to gain from having a conversation, but putting so little effort into it? I get the impression that such women are here for easy gratification, as I mentioned above - that they love the attention, but do not care to put in any effort, and definitely don't have any intention to meet anyone. Ladies, I know you're not all like this.

I've noticed that many of the more attractive women here have response rates below 5% and only log on once per month to re-enter the photo contests. Why is this important to them?

I've also noticed that many women don't even read profiles. I get many messages from women who do not even appear in "who viewed my profile", so I imagine they're sending out messages to many people they see in the "Search" function. If they don't even take a few seconds to know who you are, how can you take them seriously? I try to use the mail filters to eliminate low-success messages (I find the "likes" function isn't very useful), but I have criteria written in my profile that I'd hope women would respect, such as age, language, and whether they have children. I'd estimate that well over half of messages I receive here totally ignore this, and just send a message saying "Привет" (this was written about messages received over the past week but as I was finishing this post, I got yet another of these). Last year, I did meet one young woman from the site who was very well-spoken and seemed to have genuine intentions, but her English was as good as my Russian (which is to say - not great 😜  and I did not feel any connection through a translator. I also previously had a long relationship with a Russian woman I found on another site. She was mature, self-sufficient, knew what she wanted, could speak English well, and was very proactive to make steps to find her happiness. I'm sorry to report that I haven't found many like that here.

I also get the impression that many men here under 35 (and many over 35, for that matter) don't have intentions that extend beyond lust, and can be rude in the way they approach women. I don't interact with these people here, so I can't really elaborate with any experience, but I would be happy to hear from women the things that make you want to engage with a man, and the things that you don't want to hear.

While it does cost money for men to write on this site, it's really discouraging to see the women who I seek using the site so callously. The issue to me is not the money - it's the principle. Non-serious men are filtered by their unwillingness to pay for the privilege to talk here, but non-serious women ruin the experience for serious men, and draw attention away from serious women, as well.

This is where things get controversial. Although many women here are making serious attempts, I'll say this: as a woman, if you have no ability to speak another language and you're not actively learning already - I don't think you have genuine intentions. Relationships are based on communication, and presumably you are here because you want to meet a man from a country where your mother tongue is barely spoken. If you move to a country in which you do not speak the language, for a man with whom you can't have a conversation without a translator, this is a recipe for disaster. As a man, I would never put a woman in such a vulnerable and lonely situation.

For the men, if you are not willing to go visit another country, if you're not willing to learn anything about her culture, traditions or customs, or if you don't consider anything other than appearance - you don't have serious intentions.

I applaud the managers here for creating a site that is (largely) free of scammers, and is very liberal in the way they allow people to interact. I do get the impression that anyone can find their match if they put in enough time and effort here.

My ultimate question is this: Since distance dating is based entirely on digital communication to create a bond and a spark, what can serious younger men and women do to improve their experience here?

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AUJ-286 Last visit

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