Age differences and having children at an older age
Hello all,
First let me say that I welcome replies from both men and women. Obviously based on the forum participants I expect the majority to be from women. I have always been open in my communication. If you respond, I ask that you first give a lot of thought to your words. I took a lot of time to think and write this letter and if I might say a lot of courage too. So, I ask the same of you.
I know parts of this letter have been addressed before on this site. But I want to offer my personal opinions. I also want to give some of my background.
I am not a young man chronologically. This is something I cannot hide. But I wonder if I am different in mind and heart than the average (almost) 55 year old. You see, I don’t have children or obviously grandchildren of own. For various reasons it didn’t happen. I was married twice. Not a subject of pride, but it is life. Both times were to ladies younger than me. My first wife was 10.5 years younger than me. We were 34 and 24 when we married. My second 7 years. We were 42 and 35 when married. My second wife had two children from her first marriage. So, I have been a step-father. Honestly, in my opinion my divorces had nothing to do with our age differences, but other reasons.
Since I don’t have children, or like many men my age, grandchildren, then I think in some ways my mindset is different. I actually still wrestle with the idea of having my own children. The desire to be a father is still there. I know there could be unique challenges to have children at my age, both for myself and my prospective partner.
But I cannot deny the desire. Would I consider marrying a lady with children again? Yes, of course. Could they lessen the desire to have my own children? Yes, it is possible.
My brother is three years older than me. He has two children and four grandchildren. He has just taken an early retirement from his last job. I honestly at times have a hard time relating to him. We have very little in common even though we are close in age.
I wonder if the same could be said of relating to ladies my age who are grandmothers and are possibly focused on retirement.
But if I want to have children then obviously this limits my age search to women probably much younger than me; likely to women under 40. Ladies here often say that men who seek out younger women here do it for selfish reasons. I would say that I disagree in some cases.
In my opinion, there is more to a relationship than age. The mindset of the people is more important. Where is their focus? Obviously you can’t deny that there are some differences that age brings, but if both parties know them, then does it matter so much? There are no guarantees that people of similar age will succeed in marriage.
I teach young children now. It takes a lot of energy but I really enjoy it. My heart is young and so is my spirit. My mind is not focused on retirement and doing less. I want to continue to work and be active as long as my health allows. If I can do this into my 70’s then I will be happy. Honestly, I don’t even think of retirement, at all.
You can look at my profile. I talk to women with children, grandchildren, and some with no children.
So, some questions I have are: Does age and age difference truly matter so much? And if so, then what can a man my age who thinks about being a father to do? What are your thoughts about me contemplating being a father at my “advanced age)”? Should I resolve this issue finally and then communicate only with ladies who meet my criteria? I thank you for taking the time to read this letter. I also thank you in advance for offering your advice.
People who have added this post to chosen
Alina
Nadezhda