Men & women
introverts or hiding something?
Hello there, I would like to hear anyone's advice about a subject.Lately I've been chatting with men with weird behavior. After a few neutral messages like "how was your day", "how's the political situation in Ukraine?", "How's the weather?" etc they write that they'll be getting a ticket to meet me in less than a month (one said that he will come in 5 days for tourism and to see me) and i find that very weird. All we found out about each other is our hobbies, what we are doing for living, and nothing really more.
I ask - aren't people suppossed to find out more things about each other before deciding to meet?
I mean we are from different countries and have different views on things.
When i tried to ask things like
Do you want your wife to be housewife or working? - the answer is "let's talk about this when we meet".
But excuse me, people want different things. For example a lot of muslim men want only a housewife, when a lot of women want to feel independant. Or what if i'm a hunter for a "rich hubby" but he wants her woman to work too?
Isn't that an important issue to discuss?
Or what if the man wants to make kids and woman doesn't or can't have? (or the other way around)?
I ask that, and I see a weird answer that such things should be discussed after meeting.
After meeting it might turn out we are different people, and then one of us or both think - "why i wasted time (or money for tickets and hotels) to visit ?
That makes me think that those men might be strange or hiding something.
Or is it normal? Am I too open and it is suppossed to be that way? Is it normal to talk only about weather before meeting?
Or is this a fear to trust? But if there is such a fear, maybe that person will always act this way?
I've created such topic because lately most men here act this way.
And after getting a message like this to a simple question
"we can speak about everything face to face in real meeting or skype.
First has to be real meeting, i don't expect anything just that you know me and i know you better."
And even in skype the talking is only about "how was your day" and "is your son sleeping? good." and nothing personal.
What is wrong with men? or me?
Keith
There is nothing wrong with you. It is the men that are in contact with you. They are trying to establish a simple dialog which goes with their simple minds. When they say, "Let’s talk about this when we meet." That means they are totally avoiding the subject and hope you will forget about it. It is a simple tactic and it does work only if you decide to drop the subject. If it is important to you, don’t drop it. Even if you drop it for that day, come back the next day and discuss it. That is critical information you need to know to make an informed decision.
You need to ask the hard questions. They should be asking and answering the hard questions. The open ended questions like, "What are your thoughts about having children?" or "What are your goals if you do decide to move to my country?" “Let’s say that you moved to my country for one year, what are some things you would do or see while you are here?” Asking those types of questions helps decide if you want to spend time with this guy, even if the question is hypothetical. You are trying to figure out the things that are important to him. Hopefully, they are some of the same things that interest you as well.
`
I would not be surprised if you get contacted by the sex tourists. Attractive woman are very strong magnet for those type of men. This is the time to use your education to find out the men’s true intentions. The really good ones will prove their intentions are nothing but honorable. Unfortunately, there are a lot of undesirable men you will have to sift through to find that one good man.
The situation you have described is nothing new. When women search for their love online, it does not matter if they live close by or speak the same language than the women who lives overseas. They all will go through a process of finding that man that is right for them. Hopefully, their hard work will lead into having a successful relationship.
Tanyusha
Аня, возможно вы просто еще не встретили своего мужчину, которому будет интересно приехать к вам в Киев для более глубокого знакомства с вами и вашим сыном, а не для дешевого путешествия и бесплатного гида.
А с другой стороны возможно даже лучше сразу встретится и понять "who is who" чем вести длительную переписку и в конечном итоге при встрече понять что вы не подходите друг другу. Многие мужчины не любят писать письма и отвечать на серьезные вопросы. То ли из-за лени, то ли из-за других интересов, которые они преследуют на этом сайте.
That seems kind of strange. Unless they were already planning a trip before you started talking and it just works out that they can meet you while they're in town.
As you said, I would want to learn more about the person before investing in a meeting.
I would just voice your concern and ask them why they want to meet so soon without really knowing much about each other. It's an honest question and if their answer seems weird to you, maybe call it off. Listen to your instincts.
On the other hand, maybe it's "love at first sight" and they want to snatch you up as soon as possible.
Hi Anna,
I cannot speak for all men, but for me this man's behaviour seems very strange. I believe when we have a little voice inside telling us something - when we feel uncomfortable about something, it is God speaking to us. He is trying to warn you. You should never proceed with something you feel uncomfortable about.
For me as soon as a woman does not answer a question, I ask again and then for a third time, If I am ignored the 3rd time I stop communicating. Would you ignore me 3 x times if I asked you a reasonable question? I don't think so.
I understand you cannot really know if chemistry exists until you meet someone face to face. But for me, as a typical man, I have only so many vacation days, and flights, hotel, spending money it is very expensive to meet up - who can afford to give up vacation and fly out to a foreign country each time they start to correspond with someone?? Maybe he is coming to your country anyway, and is just looking for someone to hook up with.
All I would say is if there is a doubt, if something does not feel right, it probably is not. Really, there are plenty of other men on this site.
Good luck.
Albina
Привет от инторверта! Сначало разберем что данная соц группа легко общается с остальными людьми, но не приемлет телесные контакты с посторонними, если общение не возможно скорее всего это аутисты или носители синдрома Аспергера. Мне кажется если к вашему вопросу не дан ответ, то либо надо оставить тему, либо если уж очень интересно перефразировать с намеком на шутку для снятия напряжения. Ну допустим человек по природе замкнутый или пережил совсем недавно драмму, к такому персонажу надо относиться в три раза внимательнее, от вас ждут женственности , а она не терпит давления. Возможно у чевовека есть желание общаться но нет навыков, короче по всей видимости без психоаналитика не обойтись и если вы не уверены в своих чувствах, то мой совет общаться с теми кто имеет нормальную психику. удачи
Именно те,кто не любят отвечать на серьезные вопросы,и сидят просто так,поэтому в этом случае стоит прекращать переписку,а не тратить время на встречи.
Hi Anya ,
Excuse me , for saying this.Are these the only things , that you have asked them??So , you want to know , if they want you to work or stay at home.
And if they want children or not ??
Did you ask them other questions , like , if they are married , or if they have children ??And what was their answer ??
So , they tell you , that it is better to discuss it , in a personal meeting.And you consider this , as a weird answer.
Well , let us suppose , that they say to you , that they don`t want you , to find a job!!And to stay at home.
Would you believe them ??Yes or No.
But this is not a weird answer , or is it ??
And when they tell you , that they want to have children ??Do you consider this , as a weird answer also ??
What I want to prove is , that it is not about , which answer , that they will give you!
It is about , your OWN personal mindset.
It is , what YOU believe , COULD BE THE TRUTH , or not!!
You are having these conversations , with these men.So , only you will know , what is a good answer , or not.
And if it don`t feel right for you , then you should end the communication.
I am aware , that women from the CIS countries , have a different view on life , than women from the West.Your culture and tradition , differs from the Western countries.
Although , for the younger generation , this difference , may not be so big , anymore.
Due to all the new technology , and the access to the internet.Many information , and examples , is at the stroke of a button.Facebook and Twitter , makes life , more connected , to everyone , everywhere.
And many people , will share their life , on these forums.
To be open , can be good.But it can also involves (some) risks.
But just follow your intuition , and I am sure , that you will find the answer.
Eric
Andrew
I do not think there is anything wrong with you to think it a bit odd. It could be that they think that in coming all that way you might feel obligated to them. I would be concerned if they do not want to answer any important questions. You are being open and honest, why not them. If they do not want children and you do there is no need to visit. If though they are not good men and think that perhaps by coming they can have sex with you they will come. The only way is to be very plain that you will not. However, I have had ladies say that they do not want to write letters but will talk when I get there. Whenever someone will not be open by putting off a question or answering a question with a question it is usually not good. If they are not being open before you get there they probably will not be open after. Personally I cannot take it when someone will only talk on the surface. It sounds like your intuition is right so listen to it. I would also suggest only meeting them in public places. If in doubt wait, your doubts will either go away or get bigger! Skype first and wait! When you meet the right one, you will feel peace and it will all work out. It could be because you are young and beautiful and they are just hoping for sex. They think they can manipulate you better when in person. So, I repeat, I do not think it is anything wrong with you, listen to your heart and your instincts. I hope this helps.
Steve
Hi Anna, go with your inner feelings about any situation when you are talking with anyone. If you have any doubts at all then the situation is wrong. Anybody who makes you feel uneasy or unsure just drop them. Somewhere on here will be a decent man for you. I wish you good luck!
Regards,
Steve
I'm with you , Keith! If I wasn't old enough to be her grandfather...maybe great grandfather... Anna! Pretty little girl like you will attractive all sorts of attention. YOU need to be in control and set your requirements high. YOU know what a gentleman is and isn't. Accept nothing less! Remember, you have a beautiful little boy that is depending on you; that little guy also gets stuck with whom ever you choose.
I was a single dad until my son turned 12-years old; then I chose and married poorly and my son suffered at the hands of Cinderella's nasty step-mother for some years before he was old enough to go on his own. I divorced her, but during that time, she was quite mean to him. He turned out quite well because he was trained to be a gentleman, but I still hurt deep inside because I brought this woman into our lives. Keith has some great advice and common sense; listen to this. I'm just trying to remind you what can happen if you aren't careful. God will guide you, if you ask; you just need to be sensitive to what He says. Take your time!
I might add, there is a natural sequence to relationships. Hi, I love you, I want to met you next week, and what is your name, is the wrong sequence. Everything that comes out of a gold mine isn't gold! Most of it is dirt! Keep digging!!!! ))))
Noor
Hello Anna. I just Reading your question. Im very interested in helping you if i can. As a man myself you might find this a little helpful, i certainly hope you do so. Most men get a little desperat once they get into contact with women online. In some cases men might find it a little hard to keep conversating in writing. You Said that after just months or even weeks they would suggest to meet. This could indicate that they are a little frightened that you may find Them boring after a while. So the alternative would be to try and take it too the next level. But i also understand your concern, Many men are crazy or just weird like you say. It might be that the guy you are with is not creative at keeping the progression. Most of us men find it easier to communicate face to face. But be careful dont take any chances if you have a bad feeling. Most men will try too understand you in a sincere way if they really Care about you or see you as their future partner. Its a good thing that you chat with Them on Skype and similar programs. That being Said i really hope this helped you out a little, i hope you find what you are looking for
Natalia
Анна,здравствуйте. У нас есть такая поговорка," волков бояться - в лес не ходить"И если Вы не уверенны в своих силах,что можете отстоять свою честь и достоинство,то лучше не общаться с сомнительными и странными женихами.Грязь не пристанет,если Вы будете внутренне чисты.Вспомните сказку про красную шапочку,..."Сказка ложь,да в ней намек -добрым молодцам урок".И еще, "Не рой яму другому,сам в нее попадешь". Берегите себя и Вашего чудного мальчика.Он Ваша настоящая любовь и Ваше будущее.Каким вырастит, таким и будет Ваше будущее.Помните,Вы прежде всего мать! А потом уже друг,любовница,жена...Счастья Вам!
Victor
Tom,realmente sacarías un billete de avión,recorrerias miles de kilómetros para conocer una chica,con la que únicamente mantuvieron conversaciones superficiales??. vamos,cierto es que soy mayor que ella,pero aún recuerdo mis 25 años,y tu los tuyos...
Sabes bien que cuando un chico anda de caza,no procura decir mucho,pues temeroso de cometer o decir algo que disguste a la chica,su presa,sabe que perderá toda opción con ella...
Incluso tu Tom,necesitas conocer a quien meterías en casa y saber como es su personalidad.. Mira si te sale devota y tu sin saberlo,jejejeje.
Anna,mi consejo y espero que el no ande/andén pretendientes tuyos aquí,es este: obligales a hablar más de si mismos..
Ahora,si son cazadores,buscarán acelerar las cosas... Y para estudiarlos,prueba a ir mencionando que estas hablando con un chico,que te cae bien,que te ha contado cosas de su país... Exacto,celos. Si un cazador ve que su presa se le escapa,le delataran sus nervios,sus palabras incluso te faltará al respeto.
Por lo contrario,si realmente le gustas,se calmara y buscará la misma manera que emplea tu pretendiente imaginario para tratarte.. Si dices que el imaginario te habl de su vida,tu chico lo ará,y así,cualquier cosa.
Espero que el traductor funcione.
Vuoi un uomo occidentale? Bene, comprati un multivisa e vai tu da lui! Fatti offrire da lui il biglietto del viaggio dopo aver capito che è un uomo affidabile. Non fidarti di uomini che visitano l'Ucraina. Facile che siano sposati.
Non stare mesi chattare. Vai subito al sodo e chiedi un incontro se una persona t'interessa. Visitanto tu l'uomo capisci chi è! Non aver paura! Nei paesi europei la donna è molto protetta dalle leggi. Soprattutto le straniere.
Se hai bisogno di consigli chiedi pure.
Ascolta i consigli di un uomo, non di altre donne dell'est. E di un uomo che ha esperienza d'incontri come me!
Ripeto: devi avere coraggio e senso dell'avventura e vedrai che troverai, magari non al primo incontro! Non perder troppo tempo in chat, perche' ti crei solo frustrazioni e false aspettative! Avventurati, sei giovane! Il mondo è tuo!
mai fossilizzarsi su un tipo solo in internet! Quello che conta è farlo dopo l'incontro se uno t'interessa!
Non puoi conoscere nessuno a distanza!
Ne vuoi trovare uno buono? Beene, ne contatti almeno 10 e poi scegli chi incontrare, ma poi lo fai e senza perder tempo in chiacchere inutili!
E' ckraina. Deve moversi lei! E comunque se non si muove lei non sa nulla di che persona incontra. Si faccia pagare il biglietto e via! L'avventura e' l'avventura. Niente di piu' bello ed eccitante!
Yo no riesgo nada y tampoco riesga una chica a encuentrarme. Sey una persona civil que respecta a los derechos humanos. Pero si uno se pone aqui' y paga, tiene que tener en cuenta que encuentra a una persona distante miles de kilometros. Claro que yo pago el pasaje su me enteresa ver a una mujer! Es el minimo que puedo hacer. Si anda mal tengo a una amica con la que charlar y pasarla bien. Si me anda bien, encuentro a un verdadero amor y luego no sè que pasa! En todo casos se trata de buenas esperiencias con personas de otras culturas y siempre bastante buenas, porque las mujeres eslavas son generalmente buenas personas y de buen corazòn.
Victor, no viajo yo! Yo soy un hombre que vive solo en casas muy grandes y en dos lugares magnificos para bien hospedar en toda privacidad a cualquier mujer. Yo la invito y pago su viaje de aviòn. No sè que pasa despuès. Si simple amistad o otras cosas! No lo puedo saber antes de conoscerla! Puede no gustarme ella o yo puedo no gustar a ella! Antes de encuentrar fisicamente a una persona tu sabes poco, casi nada! Internet ofrece una visiòn falsa de las personas. Detràs de un video las personas cambian muchìsimo!
Johan
Hello , I am very agree with you , but VERY AGREE !!!!!! It happend to me the same ...I ..am very clear and transparent man and that gave me the opportunity to visit a lady and no surpises in the meeting from me .. .was.. nice and confortable moment ... The bad new is that lady was not so transparent ... She had a boyfriend in that moment and was playing with the opportunity ! That was low from her !
Victor
Ya... Pero aquí quien apenas habla,apenas conoce. A esos chicos es esta chica.. Y llámame raro ,pero si una persona por Internet,me trata con reservas,sin mostrarse realmente...pocas garantías me ofrece que en persona sea distinto.. Mi opinión es más de prevenir que lamentar..
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