Questions about relations to other people.

Jealousy - a insecurities, is characteristic a young, stupid and egoists. Which definition suited your partner?
Everything else depends on how it was your behavior with the girlfriend.
As your friend accepts your selection.
Adaptation takes place in a foreign country is difficult and you need to be careful and attentive to the woman.
Аnd perhaps the reason for the gap was different, and it's just an excuse girlfriend?!

She isn't young either, age difference between us is only 7 years, and i have a daughter who lives with me being married before which she knew. We tried for 2 years to keep this relationship, although on and off.

But selfish she was i must say, it did not matter how much i tried to persuade her that i loved her. I bought her things, sent her a lot of money during this time when we were apart, bought big items (caravan) and accommodated her as best i could, but she did not really return emotions, only in words and promised a better world which never happened.

When she became angry because i had contact, she could lock herself inside a room and stay there for 2 days without saying a single word and wanted me to cut them all from my life.
She is on this site now too looking for love i noticed.

I wanted to know this as she again and again told that my situation wasn't even remotely possible in Russia, and i want to know if this is something i should think about for later.

1. Rather it's strange. Usually men and women have different interests enough and logically for their hobbies and different kind of talks they prefer people of the same sex. When you have friends and as you say many friends of opposite sex then there is question - what is the basis of this "friendship". And very logically that you ex was not excited and upset with your friendship with women. It is obvious that for being in frienndship with someone you spend time on those people, in your case you spend time on other women. The question is why?
What your needs your ex-partner didn't satisfy then? And even if you treated her as a princess or even a quieen,
if you big amount of your time spent not with your partner but in communication(what kind??) with another women, every woman would be upset with this, unless she is not busy with "many friends-men". Because one thing if you have hobby as soccer, fishing etc and spending relaxing time with your men friends or staying alone relaxing with drawing or playing guitar and other thing when you spend your spare time with women? Why?

Try to see everyting through her eyes )))

Would you like your woman to have lots of friends of oposite sex? would you like if her ex-bfs  know about detiles of your relanships and keep advicing ?

would you like if she keeps getting friends or communicate with old chatmates on dating site ?

Are you clearly sure you wouldnt have even a drop of jelous and doubts in her?

well ...tat new comment explains more )) If it was really as you told us there are only one possible way - she never loved you / thats all/

Thank you for your answer.  

I just want to clarify something, and that first of all, many means a few, and these have children of their own, relationships with men, living with men etc and not even in my area, basis of this friendship is related to my daughter also who are friends with their children etc. My daughter lives with me.
Even trying to introduce her to these people was something she completely refused.
There was also problems introducing her to my man friends - complete refusal and long quarrels. At no point did i ever spend time alone with any of my friends during when she was with me.

Youth is a relative term. You can be an adult at age 16, and you can stay a child in 30. All depends on the upbringing, education and the environment.
If the girl until you have not had the experience of living together or an example of a good family in the home, result will be unpredictable.
Closed in a room and say nothing - it's disrespectful to the partner (in my opinion) and the situation you are describing it can be concluded love was not originally.
If the girl is back here on the site, she can explain to you their views, if by that time learned to speak.

I did try to look at it from her side, and i do not understand it still. If she wanted to be in touch with her ex-boyfriends as friends, i would not mind at all as long as it had been communicated that there isn't any interest romantically to them, and that i really knew that she loved me.

I wouldn't mind if she had friends from dating site either. Sometimes you meet someone and there isn't any interest at all, but what i tried to do is really show her at all points how much i appreciated her, but she refused to be introduced to anyone but my family. So i was puzzled.

look up Haakon , she didnt love you , but its in the past now so more important for you to analyse all happened and dont do the same mistakes/ Good luck with your search.  

Good afternoon. Your message on a forum didn't leave me indifferent because you bring up really important questions.
My personal attitude towards jealousy - jealousy it is bad, offensive and humiliating, to the word because of jealousy my first marriage broke up, I felt like the captive of the padishah of that my ex-husband brought me to work and from work, came to me during a lunch, constantly called (everyone half an hour), I couldn't leave without him the house, from answered all calls of my mobile phone, didn't move a step from me on secular receptions and God forbid someone will look at me - a scene to the daredevil, and me at houses.
Don't think of me badly - I didn't give a reason with anybody I didn't especially my husband wasn't similar to a deer. Whether but to the jealous man it is necessary much? One look, simply smiles in my party was enough. I was enough for 2 years. Exactly so much we were married.

And I don't understand how you don't understand, I think I was clear in what I was writing in previous comment. Your ex was not ready to share you with other women, staying alone when you spent time in virtuality in pleasant communication with your women-friends. It seems you are exravert and your ex is intravert. And though socionics, for example, saying that extraverts complement good intraverts, seems it didn't work out in your case as you are extra-extravert an she is extra-introvert. And I understand why she was closed in room, in case to fight trying to find out something in discussion which is not possible to find out as too different views, I would also prefered to relax in separate room than to spend energy for senseless argument.
Today someone "she" is your friend - tomorrow is lover already. This very easy happens in Russia where are with luck of men some women can be very active and don't put attention if the man has partner or wife or not.

мой мужчина должен общаться только со мной..  если мужчина общаеться с другими девушками.    мне он не нужен

Ира , никто не хочет жить в клетке ...

А мне Мой говорит: - Оленька, твое место не у плиты, а на Мальдивах!
- А Твой это кто?
- Внутренний голос!
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Ирина, мужчина не Вещь, чтобы кому-то принадлежать. Менять мужчину под себя - это дело трудное и неблагодарное. И кто кому и что должен Вы бы обговорили ранее, до того как войти в его жизнь и там оставить неприятный след (мягко говоря), судя по посту который Он здесь выложил.
О любви ни слова...
Во всех делах при максимуме сложностей
Подход к проблеме все-таки один:
Желание - множество возможностей,
Нежелание - множество причин!(Э.Асадов)
Если Вы не измените свои взгляды на жизнь и отношения к людям, сказка Эльфики "Дюймовочка" про Вас.

I couldn't fully translate what you wrote, but i guess you meant "if a man communicates with someone else, i do not need him". ?

I want to know your definition - what is ok, and what is not ok in your opinion?

Having friends of the opposite sex?

I mean, if you are trying to turn the world upside down to prove your love, and you are still being mistrusted because you have woman friends, for me this is not something i could live in - live in a golden cage.
I have an enormous amount of love to give to the right woman who can understand me, because i'll be the most loyal man in the whole world if she can trust me.

Вот это страсти тут разгорелись! Ирина-то удалилась! Теперь меня мучает вопрос, а кто же был тот француз? Мужчина-друг? Девочки, Вы что-то понимаете?

Haakon вы пишите что у вас есть дочь и вы общаетесь с женщинами которые являются вашими друзьями из за дочери. Я правильно поняла? Я думаю проблема не в дочери, дочь только предлог для общения с другими женщинами, вы нашли женщину которую полюбили и связали с ней свою жизнь но вы не нашли друга и мать своей дочери - вашей душе и в вашем сердце не спокойно. У вас получилась веревка из двух нитей а третья нить не нашла друга в вашей женщине ( это ваша дочь). Попробуйте найти женщину которая будит любить вас и вашу дочь и станет ей другом, тогда вы будите любить и жену и дочь ,  вам не нужны будут друзья - другие женщины. А дружба с противоположным полом что женщины, что мужчины -  никто не любит и не приятно другому, в какой бы стране люди не жили. Человека душа и сердце везде одинаково , независимо от культуры страны .

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles, Haakon. I remember reading your posts here some time ago.  

I'll save my thoughts as you've already received a lot of advice/opinions but I wish you better luck for the future!

I'll have to answer your mail in more detail later but to be honest it does seem like we're a lot more open minded here in Norway and that my question about if this is not common in Russia can be validated. That one can make gender as an issue of friendship is to me something that was valid here 70 years ago.

I'd like to hear your opinion also if you don't mind

I think that if your woman cant accept ur relationships with another women, so nothing to do with it. You are different. And in future it will be always fighting. Do you need it? Better to find a woman who will share your interests.
I have relationships with the man. And from the very beginning he was very attentive to this point. He even didn’t want to get more contacts at skype, even business contacts. Because I can think that contacts in skype can be for private life. And he doesn’t want to hurt me . I never asked about it but it was his respect to me. If he starts to press me about things I don’t need I should cancel all . Because to be nervous near my man is the last thing I want..
From another side I never press him about any woman. I m glad to get acquainted with all his friends and among them there are women also. And I cant imagine how its possible not to talk by days! It’s a character already and not a good character! Do you need it in future life? Its not a way of solving problems. It looks like a behavior of a capricious girl not a woman. But you need a mother for your daughter isn’t it? So try to find more serious woman for it. Not a doll for beauty only.

Seven years is pretty big difference,among our parents most common to see coupls who were born the same year.And,as to friendship,one thing,when man or woman have old friends of opposite sex,and know for sure,that thay not attractive for each other in sexual sense(only in this case they can be considered as 'friends',if even they stayed last couple on the Earth,they would never thought about another type of relathionships,because find each other not interesting as man and women),another thing,when man already found women,but continu to search "friends".

She wasn't the common beauty doll either, not ugly no, but quite common also. By the way, i did not make it clear either as it sounds like i am always wanting to contact new woman etc which wasn't the case at all. These are neighbors, with their own life etc and we could "meet" in the open while the children played etc around us outside. There is one i did date many years ago for a very short time but we found that friends was a much better arrangement and she made a new life for herself while remaining a friend, but i did not introduce her or made any effort of including her. I didn't even use a computer much or talk to anyone at all, only necessary things when i was looking for work.

I have a few examples to illustrate what i mean:

My brother has an ex. He is 10 years older than me. She was with him when i was a young boy. We entered a shop where she worked looking for a gift to buy for someone else. Before i managed to introduce them or even say a word, she vanished and i, with my daughter had to walk around the town looking for her. We found her, took the train home but she did not even sit in the same carriage and locked herself in the room for 2,5 days.

This is what i thought was normal. Once a hunter, always a hunter. I am really the most loyal man you'll ever find in this way which i thought i made perfectly clear, but i was just puzzled to what was normal or not. Thank you for clarifying  

Haakon, very difficult to say anything cause we have only 1 point of view- your own. To make any opinion it needs to listen to this girl also. May be you were too tender to women, may be your glance was to attentive, may be you showed to much enthusiasm, may be it was not for the first time... ets. But anyway she had abnormal behavior , its for sure. All is possible to discuss, all is possible to explain.
You know -ahaha- after reading u, I think she needs a solitary sell smtms.   By the way who feed her during this days at the closed room? 
I think u can stay on site longer. Dont quit with site. Stay on forum more often and u will find a good and really serious girl for family. Here we have a lot very good girls! Believe me, I know!  

Haakon извините. Но я буду писать по русски.
Извините . Я не верю вашим словам. Вы несколько лет имели тесный контакт. Вы были довольны вашими отношениями. Вы не разорвали отношения. Когда ваша девушка разорвала отношения. Она вернулась на сайт. Тогда вы начали ревновать ее. И этот факт заставил вас искать негатив в ее поведении.
Это мое мнение.
Я тоже ревную моего мужчину. Но он делает все , чтобы я не имела поводов для ревности. Он познакомил меня со всеми друзьями мужчинами и женщинами. И теперь я более спокойна.
Также я уважаю его чувства. Когда он ревнует , я очень подробно объясняю. До того момента когда он успокаивается.
Я думаю вы должны научиться уважать чувства вашей женщины. И вы должны делать так как хочет она. Для ее спокойствия. Если вы хотите сохранить отношения.
Сейчас вы осуждаете ее. А мы не знаем ее мнение. Но вы не сказали что вы виноваты.
Я думаю если женщина разорвала отношения. Значит мужчина виноват.

Наташ , переводчик на сайте иногда такие винегреты выдает , я поясню ))) Мужчина писал , что женщина наотрез отказывалась знакомиться с семьей и друзьями ))) Ну просто никак...

Я бы тоже наверное не поверила , если бы в моей жизни не была одна подруга , которая была патологически ревнивой... и такие концерты своему парню закатывала , и обнюхивала и по карманам шарила ... ну кашмар , бедный парень все стойко сносил , конечно же потом они расстались , до свадьбы дело естественно не дошло! И при всем при этом девушка была неглупая , хорошо образованная , из хорошей семьи... Так что и такие женщины бывают и мне их искренне жаль , это не просто носить столько яда в себе !!!

Я знаю особенности переводчика. Поэтому я старалась писать краткие фразы. Поэтому я долго молчала.
Но я не могу молчать. Когда молодой человек начинает обсуждать свою девушку которую он выбрал и приглашал много раз в течение многих лет. Она привыкла к мысли что они будут вместе при этом она пыталась донести до него информацию что ей больно когда он общается с женщинами с которыми она не может общаться в силу расстояния и невладения языком. Она хотела внимания и уважения ее чувств. Она получила это? Я не прочла что он сделал для нее. Давал деньги?
Ах он такой замечательный давал много денег и разрешал ей приезжать. А где взаимопонимание? Я не заметила. Зато я увидела его ревность. Она онлайн.
Мы увидели ситуацию однобоко. Это мое мнение.
Если женщина бросает это о чем то да говорит.
Возможно я не права. Возможно есть суперревнивые женщины. Но я не увидела его действий по нейтрализации негативной реакции.

I did not understand all of what you wrote, but it seems you created something in this story.

I'll explain very simply. I completely fell in love with this woman from the start, and at the beginning it was magical. If you ever experience this sometime in your life, you'll understand. You cease to function, your thoughts and ideas concentrate on just one thing - how to please my partner, how to make her happy, and this is what you do. You start to abide to wishes, you forget to compromise and when the first few things start to happen, you simply glance over them.
What i did was to completely devote everything i had to her. Yes, i helped her financially, but i am far from rich, actually, i'll be what you consider below average, but i did what i possibly could to make her comfortable - both emotionally, and financially, because this is who i am.
Her language skills are more than enough, almost excellent, and everyone here in Norway speaks English basically everywhere, so communications isn't the problem.

Haakon !  Я думаю семьдесят лет назад ( я и вы тогда еще не родились) но я думаю , отношения между близкими людьми были одинаковые - верность , любовь, честность, искренность а самое главное преданность друг другу . Семья ( муж, жена , дети) должны иметь общих семейных друзей, тогда не будит проблем не в вашей семье ни у тех с кем вы дружите. Если вы желаете мне лично написать , пишите в почту - я отвечу .