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Chris

Very few people here under 35 have serious intentions

I'm sure this will be a controversial topic. It would be nice to have input from women under 35 (ideally under 30) to have a debate or to find solutions, but I've noticed that almost none use the forum, and I have seen very few success stories regarding younger couples. Over the past while here, I've noticed that this site isn't really for young people with serious intentions - and maybe I'm starting to understand why. I'm aware of the stigma surrounding internet dating in the former Soviet Union, but I don't think this explains why so few young people take this site seriously. My impression is that young people use this site as a boost to their ego - to receive messages and praise from attractive and/or successful members of the opposite sex. This is the unfortunate result of the need for instant gratification that plagues the younger generations. We need apps like Tinder to instantly match someone who wants shallow relations (sex predominantly) - or just the validation of matching with someone to feel better about themselves. We need the dopamine rush from receiving "likes" and attention, but this destroys our ability to build long-term happiness. I feel that speaking with enough casual daters ruins the experience of serious people, so that they just lose interest in the whole process. I admit that I now fall into that group.



Something I've observed for a long time here is the level of "turnover" among women under 30 here. That is, they create their profile, have brief conversations, and vanish within a day or two. A lot of these women will write first, but won't even read any responses, or will read them and leave them unanswered. A lot of women that I write to first will do the same. I try to start with topics they will find interesting, as a way to "break the ice", but find that it's a lot more difficult than it seems. I've alluded to this on the forum previously, but lots of younger women here are just boring to talk to - many give simple response that are maybe 5-10 words long to messages, even after switching to communication off the site. It's not interesting at all to talk to someone like that. What is there to gain from having a conversation, but putting so little effort into it? I get the impression that such women are here for easy gratification, as I mentioned above - that they love the attention, but do not care to put in any effort, and definitely don't have any intention to meet anyone. Ladies, I know you're not all like this.

I've noticed that many of the more attractive women here have response rates below 5% and only log on once per month to re-enter the photo contests. Why is this important to them?

I've also noticed that many women don't even read profiles. I get many messages from women who do not even appear in "who viewed my profile", so I imagine they're sending out messages to many people they see in the "Search" function. If they don't even take a few seconds to know who you are, how can you take them seriously? I try to use the mail filters to eliminate low-success messages (I find the "likes" function isn't very useful), but I have criteria written in my profile that I'd hope women would respect, such as age, language, and whether they have children. I'd estimate that well over half of messages I receive here totally ignore this, and just send a message saying "Привет" (this was written about messages received over the past week but as I was finishing this post, I got yet another of these). Last year, I did meet one young woman from the site who was very well-spoken and seemed to have genuine intentions, but her English was as good as my Russian (which is to say - not great 😜  and I did not feel any connection through a translator. I also previously had a long relationship with a Russian woman I found on another site. She was mature, self-sufficient, knew what she wanted, could speak English well, and was very proactive to make steps to find her happiness. I'm sorry to report that I haven't found many like that here.

I also get the impression that many men here under 35 (and many over 35, for that matter) don't have intentions that extend beyond lust, and can be rude in the way they approach women. I don't interact with these people here, so I can't really elaborate with any experience, but I would be happy to hear from women the things that make you want to engage with a man, and the things that you don't want to hear.

While it does cost money for men to write on this site, it's really discouraging to see the women who I seek using the site so callously. The issue to me is not the money - it's the principle. Non-serious men are filtered by their unwillingness to pay for the privilege to talk here, but non-serious women ruin the experience for serious men, and draw attention away from serious women, as well.

This is where things get controversial. Although many women here are making serious attempts, I'll say this: as a woman, if you have no ability to speak another language and you're not actively learning already - I don't think you have genuine intentions. Relationships are based on communication, and presumably you are here because you want to meet a man from a country where your mother tongue is barely spoken. If you move to a country in which you do not speak the language, for a man with whom you can't have a conversation without a translator, this is a recipe for disaster. As a man, I would never put a woman in such a vulnerable and lonely situation.

For the men, if you are not willing to go visit another country, if you're not willing to learn anything about her culture, traditions or customs, or if you don't consider anything other than appearance - you don't have serious intentions.

I applaud the managers here for creating a site that is (largely) free of scammers, and is very liberal in the way they allow people to interact. I do get the impression that anyone can find their match if they put in enough time and effort here.

My ultimate question is this: Since distance dating is based entirely on digital communication to create a bond and a spark, what can serious younger men and women do to improve their experience here?

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Talia🐝, 45 y.o.

Ukraine

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Do you also write such long messages to girls as this post?


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Chris

Reply to Talia🐝 on View the commented comment

I don't, but I do sometimes hear complaints from women that they never receive love letters anymore  

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Talia🐝, 45 y.o.

Ukraine

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Reply to Chris on View the commented comment

If someone does not reciprocate to you, then in this situation "do not look for pitfalls."
And it is naive to think that all the characters here are real individuals. Some questionnaires with good photos - for the popularity of the site.


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Natalya


Wow, how deep Scan! I thing, It`s differend mentalitet. In Russia not accepted meet with men in internet and many simple be afraid...and may be they difficult write in english

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Jonny, 46 y.o.

Canada

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When I first started into the international dating scene. I thought I was going to be breaking hearts and taking names but boy was I wrong. It really is hard establishing a foundation when you first write or Skype with a Ukrainian or Russian girl. It’s not like western girls where you can charm them in a few moments and they think your the man they’ve been waiting for all their life. Slavic girls are more cautious and I wouldn’t say picky but you have to think. They do have plenty of options to choose from. Even a master like myself got shot down by many girls. I got a good laugh when a few girls asked me my profession and I said plumber. Want to see girls disappear fast but return just as fast when they find out journeymen plumbers make awesome money. Plus I was pretty handsome and that didn’t hurt my odds. Did I give them a second chance. Nope. But I couldn’t blame them because in their culture the trades aren’t considered high value like in North America. Their trade workers make the same as minimum wage. I’d Have never got into plumbing if the money wasn’t good. Anyways... Like I was saying...some women that are off the charts gorgeous want a man that is incredibly rich but they think you are getting what you pay for which is true. But I didn’t care less about girls like that because we have incredibly beautiful girls here in North America that are easy to date short term where you don’t have to be rich or highly successful to get with. I wanted a Ukrainian girl because I heard they are truly amazing wives. It took me a bit to find a girl suitable for me because I’m not going to lie. They are like ice queens. Our funny jokes and humor doesn’t quite fly with them. They all watch different shows and movies so finding common ground isn’t easy. If your not very good at conversation and being socially cool. Success isn’t going to come easy. Yes there’s a lot of girls who are one word answer type girls. They or may not be interested in you but I always give them a chance because English isn’t their first language and talking and saying a lot isn’t normal over there. They would think it’s annoyingly you or maybe they are talking to much. But here’s the deal. When you do melt that ice princesses heart and they finally smile and start opening up. It’s magic. Soon things start flowing and that is when it’s time to really investing in them.

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When I met my wife for the first time. She wasn’t even on my radar. I already had my top ten girls I was going to see. But the more I talked to her. I found every morning I would see her messages or email and enjoy them the most. I always got excited more when it was time to Skype with her. Soon I found that I actually wanted to go see her instead of all the ones I was talking to. Did I ghost those girls. Never. I told them that I met someone and I was going to see her. Some were understanding and wished me luck. Others were a little mad and said I wasted their time. But what else could I do.

Anyways...instead of complaining. It takes long to do this. It isn’t easy. This journey isn’t for everyone. It costs a lot financially in the long run as well. But if you do meet someone and it turns out for the best. You’ll always be glad you didn’t stop. That’s how I feel. Good luck. My wife is living in Canada with me and it’s a blast. I wish I had met her long long ago. I kept pushing and met a pretty awesome girl. But yes...when I first started my journey. It was rough too.

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Eric, 75 y.o.

Netherlands

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Reply to Jonny on View the commented comment

Hi Jonny ,

Well good luck on you 2 for a happy life.Since I don't personally know you , I will not comment on what you said.

But you never gave up and that is what will determine how things may /will end.

On 1 of the photos I do see a familiar background.
It looks like the dance club Ibiza in Odessa.

I have not been in Ibiza club (will do on my next visit)
But I did visit another dance club on my last visit.

Good music and a good performance from a Ukrainian pop band.
And yes , I did hit the dance floor ... with a lady of course.

Although there were many girls / women dancing with each other ...

Hhhmmmm ....





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