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Hello Inessa,
I see your point and I understand that there is a difference between the trifles and yes it is always a complicated situation dependent upon the two people involved. I think that of the issues can be resolved if the people spend some time living together before deciding to get married. With my ex-girlfriend, I visited her once and she visited me once and then she came to live for 2 months. The visits are like vacations and helpful for the relationship but not to see if people can live together.
And there must be communication to learn what is important to the other person truly and what is simple a trifle and an irritant. It sounds like your friend's Englishman was a bit selfish in not realizing the concerns she had, or perhaps she was not able or willing to explain how important these issues were to her. I can use some examples from my own experience. For one, women tend to be affected by temperature changes more than men. They seem to be hotter when it is hot and colder when it is cold.
I am familiar with the climate in England. This is a tough climate for one not accustomed to it certainly and to me, my woman's comfort is important. In my previous marriage, we compromised in that I installed a programmable thermostat, so she could make it hotter in winter or colder in summer (and living in Las Vegas, we have the opposite problem in general where it is quite hot at night in the upstairs part of the house). But it would revert the temperature back to "normal" in the middle of the night. This was a compromise we developed so that she was comfortable but was also a bit more economical.
As for the dogs, that is a bit of a different situation. I also do not think the dogs should be outside (in Las Vegas, they cannot, they would die). And the dogs can be restricted from some rooms, such as our bedroom, but I do not have a problem with the dogs laying on the couch for instance. The compromise is to buy leather couches that are durable and easier to clean. Of course bulldogs are not very dirty and they do not bring in dirt and mud because we have little rain. This is to me a question of lifestyle and I imagine it is difficult to have dogs when you are not used to them. It is a part of the family and I certainly would not marry someone who did not like to have the dogs around. Perhaps they should share the chore of cleaning the floors. I try to make certain to clean up after the dogs if they return from the walk in the rain and am happy to vacuum the carpets as well.
And yes, houses in England can be quite old. I think this is possible in smaller cities in other countries as well and they do require modernization. This third issue I feel is a matter of being cheap. It is more efficient, so the cost would be made up for in time anyway. Of course, the physical comfort is important for the other person. There must be a level of compromise and this is where it is important to operate as a team and a single unit. The man must think about the woman's needs and concerns and put them first, while the woman must think about the man's need and concerns and put them first.
I think that misunderstandings cause as many conflicts as indifference, but at least misunderstandings can be fixed. Indifference and selfishness means you married the wrong person, in my opinion. Compromise is a necessary part of marriage.
I see your point and I understand that there is a difference between the trifles and yes it is always a complicated situation dependent upon the two people involved. I think that of the issues can be resolved if the people spend some time living together before deciding to get married. With my ex-girlfriend, I visited her once and she visited me once and then she came to live for 2 months. The visits are like vacations and helpful for the relationship but not to see if people can live together.
And there must be communication to learn what is important to the other person truly and what is simple a trifle and an irritant. It sounds like your friend's Englishman was a bit selfish in not realizing the concerns she had, or perhaps she was not able or willing to explain how important these issues were to her. I can use some examples from my own experience. For one, women tend to be affected by temperature changes more than men. They seem to be hotter when it is hot and colder when it is cold.
I am familiar with the climate in England. This is a tough climate for one not accustomed to it certainly and to me, my woman's comfort is important. In my previous marriage, we compromised in that I installed a programmable thermostat, so she could make it hotter in winter or colder in summer (and living in Las Vegas, we have the opposite problem in general where it is quite hot at night in the upstairs part of the house). But it would revert the temperature back to "normal" in the middle of the night. This was a compromise we developed so that she was comfortable but was also a bit more economical.
As for the dogs, that is a bit of a different situation. I also do not think the dogs should be outside (in Las Vegas, they cannot, they would die). And the dogs can be restricted from some rooms, such as our bedroom, but I do not have a problem with the dogs laying on the couch for instance. The compromise is to buy leather couches that are durable and easier to clean. Of course bulldogs are not very dirty and they do not bring in dirt and mud because we have little rain. This is to me a question of lifestyle and I imagine it is difficult to have dogs when you are not used to them. It is a part of the family and I certainly would not marry someone who did not like to have the dogs around. Perhaps they should share the chore of cleaning the floors. I try to make certain to clean up after the dogs if they return from the walk in the rain and am happy to vacuum the carpets as well.
And yes, houses in England can be quite old. I think this is possible in smaller cities in other countries as well and they do require modernization. This third issue I feel is a matter of being cheap. It is more efficient, so the cost would be made up for in time anyway. Of course, the physical comfort is important for the other person. There must be a level of compromise and this is where it is important to operate as a team and a single unit. The man must think about the woman's needs and concerns and put them first, while the woman must think about the man's need and concerns and put them first.
I think that misunderstandings cause as many conflicts as indifference, but at least misunderstandings can be fixed. Indifference and selfishness means you married the wrong person, in my opinion. Compromise is a necessary part of marriage.