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Yuliya, I do understand what you’re saying. Truly.
I’ll preface this rant with my experience, to show that I’m not just some random lunatic on the internet who speaks on things he doesn’t know. The women I’ve chosen to meet stood out because I had no doubts that they were interesting people. They made me want to meet them - and spend as much time as possible with them. I was convinced that they wanted to meet me too, and that we had a good chance of success. This was after interacting with dozens (or even hundreds) of possible candidates. Most of the women I’ve spent a lot of time with along the way, and had good experiences with, are now happily married, and I’m very happy for them. They weren’t supermodels or extraordinary people - they just knew how to be great candidates.
I’ll share some of my observations on what hasn’t worked. I can’t really speak to the 35+ crowd, but it’s very common for the following to happen for the younger men speaking to people in their search range:
We receive a wink or short greeting from someone, and we reply. They don’t even log back in after sending the wink/hello and are never seen again. This is at least 10% of interactions on this site, possibly double that.
A conversation gets started and it takes several days or weeks for our message to be read. Sometimes they are online, but still don’t read it. It’s easy to make assumptions on why we can’t get even get a response. After ignoring these women and their heavily delayed (and usually brief) responses, it’s common for them to ask why we’re not interested. Showing interest is a two-directional street, and it shouldn’t be taken for granted.
My pet peeve here is to start a conversation, show interest in the woman by asking questions about them based on information in their questionnaire, giving them leading questions to give them the opportunity to talk about themselves on a subject that interests them, only to get pitiful, low-effort responses. We can keep trying, we can write sentences or paragraphs talking about ourselves, we ask interesting questions, but get a few tiny words in response, no matter what we try. Answer me honestly: if a woman answers a well-considered message with maybe a 5 word response on several tries, why would a man invest any more effort into getting to know this person? That’s Robert’s dilemma, and I can promise you that it covers a large amount of the people we correspond with. I can’t tell you the reason why these people put so little effort into their experience here, I simply don’t understand them.
If you want examples of women who are here to waste people’s time, look at the ranking in the photo contests. The vast majority of the leaders have response rates below 5%, or haven’t logged on for weeks. Many can’t even get a response rate because they have never even checked their inbox. But they’ll make sure to constantly add new photos to the contest! Similarly, I’m convinced that several of the women who do correspond are just here for an ego boost - for a quick way to feel important and wanted because some handsome foreigner shows his interest (just as I’m sure many men do). Don’t even get me started on talking about the women who are here for financial reasons.
Most men here are well aware of the traditional gender role-based cultures of the women that we speak with. But at the same time, it’s not 1950 anymore. Virtual correspondence makes it easier to speak with more people, more often - you have to present your best self if you want to have a chance, because it’s easy to dismiss bad candidates, and we can’t just simply meet at the local cafe to confirm our suspicions. A woman who puts in little effort, believing that it’s a man’s job to impress her, and that eventually a man will go through those steps - she needs to consider the possibility that this man is never going to appear. So, my recommendation for these people is to simply invest enough effort into conversations to show that you are interested, too. Talk about yourself unprompted, ask questions about the man, even if you don’t care about the answer. Again, if this offends you, you’re not suitable for distance dating. You are given the opportunity here to meet new people, but if it absolutely has to be done according to your structured view of relations, this rigidness will betray you. Ask yourself: do I want to be right, or do I want the best chance at a meeting with a man who I find interesting? Decide accordingly.
I’ll preface this rant with my experience, to show that I’m not just some random lunatic on the internet who speaks on things he doesn’t know. The women I’ve chosen to meet stood out because I had no doubts that they were interesting people. They made me want to meet them - and spend as much time as possible with them. I was convinced that they wanted to meet me too, and that we had a good chance of success. This was after interacting with dozens (or even hundreds) of possible candidates. Most of the women I’ve spent a lot of time with along the way, and had good experiences with, are now happily married, and I’m very happy for them. They weren’t supermodels or extraordinary people - they just knew how to be great candidates.
I’ll share some of my observations on what hasn’t worked. I can’t really speak to the 35+ crowd, but it’s very common for the following to happen for the younger men speaking to people in their search range:
We receive a wink or short greeting from someone, and we reply. They don’t even log back in after sending the wink/hello and are never seen again. This is at least 10% of interactions on this site, possibly double that.
A conversation gets started and it takes several days or weeks for our message to be read. Sometimes they are online, but still don’t read it. It’s easy to make assumptions on why we can’t get even get a response. After ignoring these women and their heavily delayed (and usually brief) responses, it’s common for them to ask why we’re not interested. Showing interest is a two-directional street, and it shouldn’t be taken for granted.
My pet peeve here is to start a conversation, show interest in the woman by asking questions about them based on information in their questionnaire, giving them leading questions to give them the opportunity to talk about themselves on a subject that interests them, only to get pitiful, low-effort responses. We can keep trying, we can write sentences or paragraphs talking about ourselves, we ask interesting questions, but get a few tiny words in response, no matter what we try. Answer me honestly: if a woman answers a well-considered message with maybe a 5 word response on several tries, why would a man invest any more effort into getting to know this person? That’s Robert’s dilemma, and I can promise you that it covers a large amount of the people we correspond with. I can’t tell you the reason why these people put so little effort into their experience here, I simply don’t understand them.
If you want examples of women who are here to waste people’s time, look at the ranking in the photo contests. The vast majority of the leaders have response rates below 5%, or haven’t logged on for weeks. Many can’t even get a response rate because they have never even checked their inbox. But they’ll make sure to constantly add new photos to the contest! Similarly, I’m convinced that several of the women who do correspond are just here for an ego boost - for a quick way to feel important and wanted because some handsome foreigner shows his interest (just as I’m sure many men do). Don’t even get me started on talking about the women who are here for financial reasons.
Most men here are well aware of the traditional gender role-based cultures of the women that we speak with. But at the same time, it’s not 1950 anymore. Virtual correspondence makes it easier to speak with more people, more often - you have to present your best self if you want to have a chance, because it’s easy to dismiss bad candidates, and we can’t just simply meet at the local cafe to confirm our suspicions. A woman who puts in little effort, believing that it’s a man’s job to impress her, and that eventually a man will go through those steps - she needs to consider the possibility that this man is never going to appear. So, my recommendation for these people is to simply invest enough effort into conversations to show that you are interested, too. Talk about yourself unprompted, ask questions about the man, even if you don’t care about the answer. Again, if this offends you, you’re not suitable for distance dating. You are given the opportunity here to meet new people, but if it absolutely has to be done according to your structured view of relations, this rigidness will betray you. Ask yourself: do I want to be right, or do I want the best chance at a meeting with a man who I find interesting? Decide accordingly.