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Andreas, 42 y.o.

Sweden

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Where is everyone

Been on this site for 3 month now and i am so bored and no inspiration =( . I thought i would find a nice woman by now here =)  but i am not sure anymore. I wanna have deap talk with someone speciell, but so far, all i so shallow and after some of the standard question that 90 % i ask, they all later dissipear.  Now days i only write a few lines at most to a woman because no body answer long letters. Anyone having the same problem here? I remember when i was young and recieved many long love letters from girls, maybe is a new generation now that dont like communication like that. =( Anyone having some idees, what i caned do different?

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Ben


Hello Andreas,
Having looked at your profile, I sense (yes, my very personal impression) two things:
1) you seem to be uncertain of who you really are.
2) you have an outspoken need for safety and security.
I'll qualify each point.
You say of yourself "shy" and "not (so) shy" - that is irritating and confusing at best. A more detailed view of your own accord would certainly be helpful. It obviously is the hardest part to speak about yourself. If you're unclear, ask around in your family and your circle of friends. That will surely come in handy when you write your self introduction.
If you tell ALL about yourself, then any lady would feel overwhelmed, especially with a "big northerner"  
Keep in mind that many, if not most, know English from an 'artificial world' (TV, radio, internet) and have far fewer chances to travel about as freely as we do. The economy has declined and stagnated in most countries and people have less time to spend on the net, because they need to make ends meet. Give them enough 'fodder' to spark their interest, but 'hide' enough to keep the fire burning.

`
2) is a stronger and more severe point:


If you suggest being scared of the dangers in this world, then women - especially women from Orthodox countries will inevitably stay away. "Learn martial arts because otherwise something terrible will happen to you" - seriously? I know plenty of women who never trained and who've never run into any danger.
"Afraid of falling victim to a scammer" - there forever remains a risk that someone MIGHT fool you. Be brave enough to take that risk. You're a strong lad. So SHOW it!
That also goes for your point of mobility: people live all over the world, and even in the Middle East more LIVE than die.
My advice to you: present yourself more confidently (also optically: upload photos with higher resolution, perhaps?). Say what you want (your goals), instead of what you don't want.
Leave your fears, worries and concerns behind.
Always remember: doubt kills more dreams, disrupts more plans and destroys more hope than any failure ever will.
Best wishes buddy!

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Natalya, 65 y.o.

Russia

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Reply to Ben on View the commented comment

Bravo, Ben!!!


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Ben

Reply to Natalya on View the commented comment

Thank you ))

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Milton, 62 y.o.

Brazil

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Focus, strength and faith, not to mention a hint of boldness and determination! I'm not a good adviser or an ideal counselor, but, that's how I think! God bless you!  

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Eric, 75 y.o.

Netherlands

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Andreas ,

There may be many reasons , why things did go for you , as they did.
First you know that the 1st week of January is the Seasons Holiday for CIS countries and for Russia.

People will go for family visits and spend time together.Or take some time to rest.
And in this moment there is this flu virus , which is affecting some or more people (maybe it is epidemic in some countries).

In my country we also have this virus going round.

Since when was it a general rule , that online dating will get you very rapid or fast success ??
Maybe you had put your hopes too high ...

There are women here , who only read and/ or give advice.Other women here are seeking for a partner , but they may also search on other dating sites.

The problem is that you won't know , how many women are searching here and on other dating sites.I understand that some women want to increase their chances , into finding a partner in a not tooo long time.

`
So they register on other sites also.



The women who wrote to you very long love letters when you were younger , were they also from E Europe and Russia ?
Or were they from your country ?

Please do not compare the ladies from EE and Russia , to ladies from Western countries.There are many differences between women from the former USSR and Western countries.

I am not corresponding with women here so I have no experience with your situation.
All the new communication on social media and other features and possibilities will not make things easier.

You should start to think about going to CIS countries and to Russia and then make some contact with ladies there.
But I advice you , to read about their culture and tradition.

So , you will know and understand , what you can and cannot do / say - when you are having a date with such a lady...

In the past I was corresponding with a Danish girl.We would write long love letters sometimes ...
So , I understand your remark about long love letters.

Danish girls were very open and had no hessitation with talking about erotic or sexual issues.The sexual liberation had started there much sooner than in Europe or the USA.

I hope this helps ...

Eric


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Praskovya


Уважаемый Андреас, еще несколько лет назад девушка (женщина) действительно писала длинные и прекрасные письма о своих надеждах, мечтах, возможно с вами. НО! Мужчины стали потом писать жалобы на сайты, что они высылают деньги. А девушки не приезжают к ним. Сразу откликнулись психологи- социологи. они резко критиковали открытость наших девушек. Ставили в пример женщину, которая никогда не будет писать столь душевные, любовные письма, не должна рассказывать о грусти, о материальной нужде, о беде или горе. Это неприлично так себя обманывать и полностью доверяться малознакомому мужчине. Короче. все стали делать вывод: открытая со всех сторон в письмах или переписке женщина глупа и легкомысленна. Она похожа на вымогателя денег у мужчины.
А что плохого в том, что более финансово состоятельный мужчина примет посильное необременительное участие в жизни нескольких девушек, которые ему нравятся? Почему таких девушек раньше заносили в черный список? Вот Андреас ответ на ваш вопрос.

`
Не надо потом жаловаться на таких девушек. Кто вам теперь даст столько нежности, тепла, кто вам откроет сразу свое сердце, свои мечты и желания? Теперь вам придется потрудиться стучать в наши сердца вниманием с вашей стороны и поступками


Готовы? Добро пожаловать. 

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André Luiz, 33 y.o.

Brazil

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Many people are lazy to read long messages really, or they are busy doing something else, for example, responding other correspondences on this site. But if the girl has a minimum interest on you or your message, she will read your letter probably. However, if even you are not very motivated when beginning a contact with anyone currently, what are you waiting to receive back?
So, my first advice to you: be more optimistic. You are so pessimistic now that you ever confessed to be bored, without inspiration and writing less and less to women here. I think that the first step is to change that situation in yourself.
Second advice: review your profile. Consider the comments about your page, analyze them and then edit it. For example, as said, avoid ambiguity or contradictory ideas there. If you want to include something unclear on your page, instead of contradictory things, put a little mystery about yourself, something that will attract attention or curiosity of the ladies. That will encourage them more to write to you.

`
After to improve your profile, analyze the ones of the women and learn more about their culture. That is the third advice. See which are the search criteria of the respective user, besides the personality, taste, goals, interests, preferences, hobby and other things of that member. After to do that, if you have interest on the person, you need to know the other part. But before, it is important to learn more about the culture and traditions where the girl lives.


The fourth advice is related to the message destined to someone. After to visualize the profile, use something in the info there to make a letter, anything being pleasent to be read. So, the woman will know that you viewed her page really and that you have real interest on to get acquaintance with her. Probably, she will notice that you created something specific to her, you did not send a random message to catch her or a general one made to be sent to several ladies. That may do the person to feel special and to increase the interest on starting a communication with you. Also, think what you learned about her country to avoid mistakes and missunderstandings. You have to utilize your knowledge to make better chances of contact. Finally, being long or short, the message should do the person want to write to you or even have good interest on you (communication, friendship, love, and so on). That is a challenge, but what was written here may help you.
There are other questions to be treated, but this comment would be long and maybe it would affect the reading of this text by some people. Ha, ha, ha! If you read this entire comment, congratulations!
I am not a specialist, but I hope I could help somehow.
I wish good luck to you!

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Vera, 50 y.o.

Russia

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Well a I want to help you I started to study your profile to see what was wrong with it and I found many "wrongs". You mention that each of the party pays for himself/herself. This is mostly not acceptable for women here, and no matter if it is a poor woman or a business lady, she would want a man to take care of her and pay for her. If the woman is limited in means she won't write because of this issue, if she is a business lady such man will look too miserable in her eyes. Also women don't like long letters, as there are too many "writers" in internet, who like to write love letters or just any long letters for months, but never take any actions to meet someone. Also women here prefer not to fall in love with anyone before they meet this person in real life as it will lead to much suffering if she falls in love and a man will never arrive. Also women want to find a husband and not a sex-affair, that is why they find sex-discussions in Internet without any personal meeting and relationship in real going on unappropriate, they call such men "sex-tourists". I hope I helped. Also if you mention scammers it will scare all normal women away from you. Usually men-scammers write such phrases. Also she won't want to be always suspected in something and having to prove her innocence all the time. Also women here like gifts, it is part of the culture, most are not rich and would appreciate some financial help from her fiancee. If a woman is a business lady she will also consider a man who writes "all scammers go away" too miserable.


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Ben

Reply to Vera on View the commented comment

Many wrongs? You could easily summarise all your points in one heading "financial issues". But I seriously doubt the assessment of your assertion.


Peter, 63 y.o.

Norway, Akershus

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Hello from a norwegian man, I have a long, long, experience with Ukraine women.

Almost 20 years ago, I married a young, stunningly beautiful Ukraine girl, 25 years younger than me.
She gave birth to my twin sons, and we had many nice years together, but unfortunately, it all ended in a divorce, 13 years later.
A couple of years later, I married a beautiful young Ukraine mother, from this site, also 25+ years younger, and we are still married.

You should have no problems finding a woman,,
fact is, a normal man, at your age, should have hundreds, of beautiful women, to choose from, in Ukraine.
But you need, to edit your profile.
Stating, that you want a strong family, and are looking, for a woman without children, and then being undecided, if you want children, yourself ??
This is a turnoff, for 95% of young Ukraine women, they want a family with children.

You need more self confidence, in your text,,,, show them, that you are, a man of action, ready to travel, wherever necessary, to meet your woman.

`


In general, the following, is a good description, of what a Ukraine women here, are looking for:

A Ukraine "MAN", isn't using female language like "shy and not shy",
and He will Never, Never, ask his woman to pay (for anything).

If you are afraid of scammers, don't tell anyone.
MEN in Ukraine aren't afraid, they are bold, and ready to go forward, without fear.
I never met a Ukraine MAN, being afraid, of any woman.

Ukraine women, are looking for a MAN, that can protect them, and take care of them.
They are very strong, hard working, and self confident, and want a MAN, stronger than themselves.

Don't expect, more than a few lines, in their answers, to start with.
.They have a life to run, and little time available, for answering all the men.
Most women here know, that, less than five percent, of all men writing, will ever travel to Ukraine, for meeting a woman.

Sorry for all the commas, but they help the translation software, so ot will be readable, on russian also  

My present wife and me at NewYears eve......

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L

Reply to Peter on View the commented comment

Smth goes wrong with your math calculation   

Whatever)) 

 

 

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Olga, 44 y.o.

Russia

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Reply to Peter on View the commented comment

Не имею желания никого обидеть. Выскажу своё мнение.
20 или 25 лет разницы в возрасте. Это пропасть. Да можно потерпеть от без бедности.
Но если женщина зарабатывает достаточно и имеет хороший уровень на Родине. То 10 лет, разницы это уже и то много.
Я могу себе позволить выбирать. Как и многие девочки с сайта.
Вопрос к Вам: вы бы хотели увидеть мужа своей дочери, на 20 лет или на 25 лет старше?
Только без лжи!!! Или жену Вашего сына, которая будет старше на 25 лет?

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Olga, 44 y.o.

Russia

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Reply to Peter on View the commented comment

Меня всегда поражает, то что лишь из за политической ситуации в наших странах, женщины идущие на это брак, внушают надежду другим, претендентам пенсионного возраста. Мы не Боги. И как бы мы не хотели быть моложе, все равно возраст берет своё!!! Особенно у мужчин!!! Даже если у него целая клиника следящая за его здоровьем. Это природа!!! И нет смысла доказывать, что мужчина после 55 лет, может сравниться с мужчиной 40 или 45 лет. Не будем обманывать себя.

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Elena, 54 y.o.

Russia

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Reply to Peter on View the commented comment


Hi Peter, 

maybe we are not as good with numbers but....hmmm ....let us count    57-20=37 (it was your age in the first marriage)

According your words your previous wife was 25 years younger than you so she must be 37-25=.....12?))))     My congratulations)))     

 


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Nadezhda

Reply to L on View the commented comment

у меня получилось - 12 летняя жена  

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Anna, 48 y.o.

Ukraine

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Reply to L on View the commented comment

Арифметика проста: 57 +


Peter, 63 y.o.

Norway, Akershus

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Reply to L on View the commented comment

I posted as another user.
Since I very seldom, log in here, I didn't remember, my login info.
My age is 62, you can find me, on the happy couples page.


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Nadezhda

Reply to Olga on View the commented comment

Оля , бесполезно задавать эти вопросы. Надо прятать дочерей   у меня среди знакомых таких случаи нередки. одноклассник уже 3 раз женат и стабильно жены моложе на 20 и более лет. совсем недавно так неудобно получилось появились фото на его страничке с подписью " я с моей девочкой" и все стали поздравлять с красавицей дочерью. Он типа отшутился,хорошо что с внучкой не поздравили )))
как с гуся вода)))

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Natalya, 47 y.o.

Ukraine

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Andreas  , ваш пост меня сначала заинтересовал ( потому что , ну как , молодой , симпатичный  парень не может никого найти даже для переписки .) Потом я конечно пошла в ваш профиль . Местами трогательно а местами -"So all the scammers out there, i will not send any Money to you not matter what. " -я прям смеялась )) Но ваша искренность все-таки не оставляет равнодушным . Я так понимаю что вы человек очень романтичный и имеете свой собственный мир . Беда в том , что подоходящие вам женщины , которые живут на территории бывшего СССР , в силу своего характера ( который бы подходил вам ) вряд ли смогут позволить оплатить поездки по заграницам , плюс ваша подозрительность и многое друге создает замкнутый круг . Знаете , если у вас есть хобби и интересы какие нибудь , поищите и на этих сайтах тоже , для начала хотя бы как друга .) Я не претендую на истину и вполне могу ошибаться )


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Praskovya

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Hallo, Peter You are like each other as a father and daughter. Even foreheads have the same shape and high eyebrows.

Ili vy sdelali spetsial'nyy grim litsa kak aktery?
Or did you make a special face make-up like actors?
Be happy, loved and true to each other. Write to us.
У нас здесь обсуждается вопрос о сексуальных возможностях мужчин, которые намного старше их избранниц. Я думаю, что лет через 5 уже не хватает женщинам секса. А как у вас, если не секрет ?
We have here discussed the issue of the sexual capabilities of men who are much older than their chosen ones. I think that after 5 years there is not enough sex for women. I watch Russian pairs of actors with a great age difference. His wife's girls grew very strong in 7 years. Andrew's Konchalovsky filmmaker (Him was 51 , she have 19). Аnd the family of the actor and theater director in Moscow * Tabakerk * Oleg Tabakov. With the last wives they have been living for a long time. This is not their first marriage. And for women the first. Women actress, gave birth to children.


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L

Reply to Nadezhda on View the commented comment

Он ниже поясняет, что ему сейчас 62.. ну, значит, той жене было 17))

20 лет как женился, 13 лет как развелся и 11 как снова женился.. а пост о новой свадьбе был вот совсем недавно))

 

 

 


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Nadezhda

Reply to L on View the commented comment

17 и 42 . час от часу не легче . Осадочек однако...


Peter, 63 y.o.

Norway, Akershus

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Reply to L on View the commented comment

Where, did you get the, 11 years from?
Married with second wife, 3 years ago.
Look at happy couples page.
First wife was 22 when we married.


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Ben

Reply to Elena on View the commented comment

He probably never guessed that someone would (or could) figure out to check.
Well done, Elena! Thumbs up!  

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Natalia, 51 y.o.

Belarus

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Reply to Nadezhda on View the commented comment

Меня удивляет еще что мама дала согласие, лишь бы при деньгах.


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Nadezhda

Reply to Natalia on View the commented comment

теперь он говорит что невесте было 22 и ему 47 . Не хочу больше заниматься математикой. (((
для кого- то это нормально . Пожелаем им счастья. Я рефлексировать на эту тему перестала давно. Причину такого мезальянса все знают . не вижу смысла осуждать стороны, а уж тем более переубеждать  


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L

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Well.. you are 67 y.o. now then, not 62 as you just told me (all of us) above  

 

"..it all ended in a divorce, 13 years later. A couple of years later, I married.." -  if you've meant ago not later 

 

Sorry.. nothing personal, never mind as I said)) 

 

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Elena, 57 y.o.

Russia

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Reply to Olga on View the commented comment

Я как то задала вопрос мужу, почему ты не женился на женщине моложе себя, (я моложе на два года) он ответил. А что мне с ней делать, друзья не поймут, надо же общаться, а интересы разные, дети не поймут и не примут, здоровье уже ни то, стареть вместе с ровесницей комфортнее и так далее. Итог, он спросил у меня. А чего нет у тебя, что есть у женщины моложе тебя? Морщинок? Так это я переживу, так как сам немолод. Думаю в душе наверно каждый мужчина хочет молодую женщину, мой не исключение, хорошо хоть понимает, что не потянет молодуху. Короче меркантильный, надеется если что я не брошу его(шутка)  


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Olga

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Наталья, в настоящее время согласие мамы не требуется.

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Eric, 75 y.o.

Netherlands

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Reply to Peter on View the commented comment

May I add to that , that Slavic women in general make good wives and mothers.
But the man will have to prove that he is worthy of her ...

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