Men & women
Janho
For the woman
I've been on this only for a few days now but I noticed a few things that concerns me, from the perspective of a man who is looking for a possible life partner. You should bare in mind that there are a few perceptions, correct or incorrect about woman from Russia, Belarus and Ukraine in the west.
Let me start with the perceptions; after the end of communism the economic, social and political situation in these countries became very unstable and the future seemed uncertain.
1. Because of this uncertainty, woman who could, would use any means possible to get out of these countries, one relatively easy way would be to marry a foreigner. How else would you explain very beautiful girls marrying men 20 and even 30 years their senior?
2. Woman from these countries want to have a rich husband and they don't care what he looks like or what his personality is like, as long as he has money and preferably a lot of it.
3. They will have a child with you as soon as possible, then you wont leave her.
4. These women are generally speaking, deceitful, materialistic and greedy. So once you are married and have a child, her undying love for you will abruptly change into greedy demands for all kinds of material things, if you don't provide her with what she wants, you will not be a happy man, she will use the child against you.
Let me repeat, these are only perceptions, but it is out there and if you don't address them it will always remain in the back of any man's head that wishes to correspond with you.
A bit of advice which you may choose to use or not use,
Never ever write after only a few letters that you love him and your only heart desire is to meet him and be with him forever, he will run away faster that you can imagine. Love is a serious thing and given the perceptions above, this course of action will not advance your cause.
Don't ask him to send you money, ever. Don't tell him how hard life is and that you are struggling to put food on the table every day. It is not sexy. I know there is a perception that western men are stingy, some are, but most are just careful because of the perceptions stated above.
Then your photos, If you are half naked in your pictures in a very provocative pose, he will think that you are a an easy girl. A note on this, easy girls are nice to play with, but you never marry an easy girl. Too much make up is horrible. We want to see you as you are, maybe a little eye liner and a little lipstick but these blue and green eye shadow in excessive amounts makes any woman look funny. If you photoshop your pictures, it might be perceived as not being honest, so think carefully before you do that. A man is much more visual than woman, in other words, a man will look at the photo of a lady, decide if he likes what he sees or not, only then will he read the profile information, unfortunately the information is of a very general nature and he can not really access the personality of the woman. So he writes a letter. As you might be aware, men are not very much in touch with their emotional side, so the first letter might be something like " Hello saw your profile, your photo is beautiful blah blah blah..." Don't hold it against us, it is the way God made us. Have a heart, he will become more relaxed as time goes by.
I personally know a few men that got married to Russian woman and I must say, these women are beautiful, loyal, intelligent, hard working, excellent mothers and the best wives a man can hope for.
Inessa
Hello, Janho!
Thanks for the topic. I think that your message cannot be addressed to the women of all ages. I can explain. I'll talk about me personally and probably about women of my age.
As for your list of 'real intentions of FSU women' I completely agree with № 1. As for the rest points I completely disagree. I do care a lot what personality the man has and what does he look like. Skype and forum can help a little. Point 3 and 4 are not about me. The women of my age are too old to have a child with the new husband. But I can't say that the material side doesn't concern me at all. I'd like only to say that I have a job in my country, a flat of my own and the opportunities to travel. So I'd like my future partner to have the same, it's enough for me to maintain my usual lifestyle. And it would be perfect if I had the opportunity to work there.
As for your recomendations. I think it's funny and stupid to say 'I love you' to a man on the Internet. For me it's very important to find the common topics to discuss that can be interesting for both. It's possible due to my fluent English. But I've got a different problem - I have no time to communicate with men. I'm very busy at work. So, I can use Skype not more than 1 maximum 2 times a week. All men, who I had communications with, asked me one and the same question - Why do you work so much? What should I answer to this question if I never complain about life. Probably you can help. Can you give me a piece of advice, please, what to answer.
As for the overuse of makeup, I completely agree with you.
With respect, Inessa
Alina
Почему закидают? Он описал как многие на Западе воспринимают русских женщин. И дал несколько,на мой взгляд,полезных советов. Все это можно использовать лишь себе во благо)))
Alina
Janho!
Thank you for your information and for your advices.
Although I think on this site, most women do not fit the stereotypes about which you wrote. Women of this site are smart, educated and self-sufficient. And foreign men, too, must to try to fit our women))
Janho!
Спасибо за Вашу информацию и за ваши советы.
Хотя я думаю, что на этом сайте, большинство женщин не вписываются в стереотипы, о которых вы написали. Женщины этого сайта умные, образованные и самодостаточные. И иностранные мужчины тоже должны стараться, чтобы соответствовать нашим женщинам))
Да,молодой человек,такое бывает. Вам жалко мужчин,которые берут в жены юную девушку,имеют при этом солидный возраст,детей и внуков? Они глупцы или желают пользоваться молодым телом? А мне не жалко. Я обеспечена,без детей и внуков,но даже 70 летние старики ( да,старики) очень плохо выглядят по сравнению со мной ,но они не желают даже общаться со мной в письмах. И у нас ,женщин тоже есть мнение,что мужчины не адекватны и желают развлечься. Молодое тело надо обеспечивать ,поэтому пусть раскошеливаются. Другого пути нет.
Olga
Да, Надежда, даже у Вас закипело.
Для меня уже не удивление мужчины 40ка лет, которые ищут подруг жизни не старше 25 лет.
Рекорд, который я видела - искал девушку возрастом от 18 до 18, честное слово даю, так мужчина и написал ))
Что до макияжа, яркой одежды - Татьяна делала исторический экскурс для мужчин. У нас испокон веков женщины красили губы, ногти, брови, носили яркую одежду, много украшений.
Не понятно, если мы такие ужасные, корыстные, не правильно одетые, смешно накрашенные, почему столько западных мужчин зависают на сайтах знакомств среди "славянских" невест?
Svetlana
а вот за молодое тело мужчины в возрасте пусть платят. на что идут - сами знают. какая молодая девочка полюбит пожилого мужчину? только молодая и расчетливая особа,которая ради денег пойдет на все
У нас,как и везде,нормальные пары одного возраста и схожей внешности.Очень простой совет,для тех,кто правда ищут серьезных отношений-писать людям своего возраста и своей внешности.Женщины,как и мужчины,разные,и ситуация 90 х,когда реально многие просто выживали,в прошлом,многие при пробе жить за границей,видят,что тут они живут материально лучше,так что автоматически за любого нормальная женщина не пойдет.Поскольку женщины тоже смотрят на фото в первую очередь-мужчине важно иметь хорошие фото.Кстати,слово "sexy" не самый лучшее чтоб показать свою серьезность.С мужчинами,которые не читали профиль,а смотрят ТОЛЬКО на фото,я не общаюсь.Here, as elsewhere, normal pairs are of the same age and similar appearance.Very simple advice for those who are really looking for a serious relationship -write to people of your age and appearance.Situation of 90 's, when really many just had to survive ,in the past many women who started living abroad , discovered that they lived here financially better, so automatically to any men normal women won`t marry.As soon as women too, see man`s foto , is really important for man to have good pictures. If women sincerely want to build relathionship,she won`t ignore things like appearance,age and other like that.By the way , the word "sexy" is not the best to show men`s seriosness.My good friend started his communication with women even without foto,he told,more crucial for him similarities in mind,not appearance,now they going to marry,so,men are different.
Надежда,ну что 70 летние выглядят хуже Вас,это не "даже",а вполне естественно))).Страшно подумать,как может выглядеть такое общение.У меня 57 летняя родственница забила и на 60 летних дядьков,стала общаться с более молодыми,потому что первые недочували,недопонимали,не хотели пользоваться автопереводчиком,я уже писала,а с сорокалетними общается,все на лету ловят,даже переводчик не нужен.
Olga
So, Janho!
I think in nearest time west men cant found good east wife from East Europe. We - east women - will be ultimately disappoint in Western men. Early, west men have a good contrast with a local men. Just naw - you stay the same moody, spoiled, places high demands on women like a local men. For what problem with visa, bureaucratic red tape, adaptation, learning the language if no positive difference?
Janho, your wrote that very strange wife & husband with a big different in age. But will be honestly say - man choose women. Every 50 years old man, every 60 years old man choose 25 years old wife themself. That's funny. In the West condemned the Slav, but no one condemned men who married to "daughters".
Be honestly, at site choose men. And only men responsible for their choose.
At this site many beauty, interesting, smart women in age 40 years old, in age 45 years old, in age 50 years old, older. Most men-peers ignore their. Why? Choose them.. And no problem with a strange couples.
Or for example me. I see nice 40 years guy on photo, look at his profile - opssss. He searching girl not older 25 years old, weight not exceeding 50 kg. And i say to myself: "Lola (it's i'm for myself & my nearest friends), you are late. "Grannie" - you too old & too fat for this Apollo." Honestly, i saw one profile. 40 years guy searching girl from 18 to 18 years old.
I don't know about what thinking all this men, they choose their future problem themself.
About your advice don't talk about job, about problem & etc. O'key. What's topic good and sexy for west men?
As for children. Sorry, but for east women want have a children from husband it's normal. Again me, for example. Just naw i'm 32 years old. Need time for meets, after to get married, many time will spend for red tape, moving to another country, adapting - its time. it's couple years. And when i will must began thinking about children - in 45 years old? Yes, Just now very good medicine, it's real in 45 years old. But any doctors say that born children better until 45 years old.
As for east women look. Sorry, at this territory other tradition. For us make up , high heels it's norma. Again me, like example. If i haven't make up:
- i'm sick
- i'm at home & not waiting guests,
- i'm in gym
- i'm in extim travel on nature
No one women from my famaly never go to supermarket in rumpled, unkempt clothes and without makeup. As for Eye Shadow - i'm use all color of rainbow. If somebody don't like - walk past.
But in general, Janho, west men last times so look like local men.
difference only is in the place of residence and language.Sadly.
Irina
Dear Janho, may I clarify something?
What was the observation basis which you used for making your statements? Were those real stories with your friends or relatives? But then you contradict yourself describing those witnessed experiences as positive ones. Or are your statements made on the basis of "horror stories" which you "heard", as you mentioned?
I think he has some good points, but please realize that this is also his opinion and perhaps a cultural opinion as well for people from South Africa.
1. Another possibility is the simple lack of suitable husbands. There is still a predominance of females in FSU countries and add in the frequency of alcohol abuse and the FSU women don't necessarily WANT to look outside their country, but HAVE to, in many cases.
2. There are women everywhere who want money, just as there are plenty of FSU women who would be satisfied with a good, solid, stable life. Psychological tests indicate that a women's strongest needs are stability and love. It does not take a rich man to provide both.
3. FSU culture generally seems to have a "mothering", family oriented quality to it. They aspire to be mothers as well as having careers, but often being a mother is first. The argument her is a fallacy based on subjective opinion.
4. Perceptions are difficult to change. There are deceitful people everywhere. You can often find the scammers or the desperate people if they claim love immediately. FSU women seem to be more reserved in this case and I have never met a girl who was serious about the relations who commented about love or commitment in the first few letters. Also whether in a good, bad or middle financial situation, the girls would not ask for money or gifts. If they do immediately, you can likely determine you are dealing with a scammer in some form. Once you become serious, that is a different situation. Usually the first issue that arises in a serious relationship is language classes, if she does not speak you language. Helping her with these is the first step to providing some support for your girl. If she doesn't speak English (for example), but wants a gift or money before language classes, think twice. Once you are serious and certainly after meeting, there are plenty of opportunities to help.
As for photos, generally, you get what you advertise for. There is a difference between a picture in a swim suit and in lingerie, even though they may be showing the same about of skin. The intent is the difference and you will get the guy you are advertising for. I generally want to see that a girl is fit and trim and love a nice swim suit shot, but am generally turned off by a "boob or butt shot". I am looking for a nice girl who will be my wife. Not looking for a date. Of course I would like for her to have a cute popachka, but flashing a picture of it is just going to get you a guy looking for sex only.
As for make-up, that is a matter of opinion also. I happen to like the modern polish, lipsticks and eyeliner. I love the streaked and highlighted hair, even a funky color can be cool. So feel free to express yourself, whether classic or modern. But he is right that we will make our first decision with the eyes. Have the very best profile picture you can have. And my advice: SMILE!
Obviously there are different cultural expectations for me and I think there are generational expectations as well. However, I think we should not try to conform to what others expect of us, but be ourselves. Our personalities are what make us unique!
This is one of the things I like about FSu women compared to western women and especially American women, that they always take the time to look nice. I would be surprised to see an FSU woman go to the store in sweat pants and a t-shirt, yet you see it all the time here. And even in a BBQ at home in bare feet and short, she would have her hair done nicely and some make-up. I want my wife to look like a woman, not a female man.
Janho
I think I got lost in translation. PERCEPTION is not necessarily the truth it is what people think is the truth in general. What I wrote under the perception section is the general response I get when I tell my friends that I want to get a Russian wive and from reviews on the internet I read.
As for my own perception of Russian woman, do you think that I would be here on this site actively searching for a Russian woman if I thought that they were horrible? I think Slavic women are the best in the World. The makeup is a matter of personal taste.
Good that you posted this Janho. I don't think your original post came across as such, rather that it was your perception. Sadly, anyone can write anything on the internet and there are plenty of scam sites around that promote these bad perceptions. The problem is not the girls but the sites more often.
Good luck to you! I agree that Slavic women are wonderful!
Andy
I follow you.but, you missed something. I have met many women that lie about not having children but actually do. Younwo,em are fantastic lovers, I just think ...ladies, dream, don't be a dreamer, meaning ...set a goal and get it. Like he said, money is not the answer..... I am divorced and god be my witness, she got the green card and left immediately, now, our son is getting old enough to see and feel the coldness.....warm up ladies. We don't just want your sex.....be personal and get the man you want. I'm here for one year, 3 women I ,made contact with, 1 lied and denied she had 2 kids, the other had custody issues and the 3 rd, well, we will see.
Janho
Hello Inessa, In my country, if you tell people that you are 35 they will not think that you lie. About your question, some men prefer the subservient stay at home type of woman. These men more often than not feel intimidated by strong independent women, remember most men have egos the size of mountains and a woman that is clearly their superior will make them feel insignificant. But it is OK because I don't see you as the subservient "type". So my answer, If I was in your shoes, would be, " I love my work and it is important for me to be very good at what I do. I am independent, therefore I have to earn my keep. I am not on this site to chat for hours on end, I want a serious relationship with the right man. It is in any case not about the quantity of communication, but about the quality." Inessa this is from a male perspective and probably all wrong, I am very frank, maybe you could put a softer tone in it.
`
Your Mr. Right is out there and he as of yet don't know how lucky he is!
Janho
Elena I think the translation or the way in which I put it came out completely wrong, I think Slavic women are the best in the World.
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