Share your experience
December 2015 - Minsk
I found this site in 2014 by recommendation and out of curiosity (I was not actually looking for a partner at the time) I paid for a 1-month membership. I had had no previous experience with ladies from Eastern Europe except for a Russian girlfriend who lives in Germany and is fluent in language and culture. However, on the site I soon made contact with a lovely woman (36) from Lemberg and so I quickly decided to visit her. To my surprise she was a Ukrainian ultra-nationalist supporting the war and the shooting in the east and so I refrained from following up on her after my return. So I invited another beautiful and warm-hearted lady (3😎 from Odessa twice to Germany who simply was not compatible with me, but we remain friends unto this day and we have a lot of mutual respect and care for each other. We are almost like brother and sister.
After that I did not renew my membership and it was only in September 2015 that I subscribed for another month because in the meantime I had started to like and learn the Russian language and became increasingly interested in the culture and history of our Eastern neighbors.
Yesterday I returned from Minsk where I met up with a 37-year old high class beauty from Belarus who was just too beautiful to believe. After several weeks of Skyping, writing, sending flowers and musical gifts for her birthday and sharing dozens of pictures and live videos we decided to meet in her hometown. I arrived by plane, she picked me up and we were smiling and laughing throughout the way from the airport to the city. I had booked a room for 5 nights at "President Hotel" (highly recommendable) in the center and after my check-in we sat down for a capuccino and had a lovely chat in broken English/Russian and with the use of the telephone translator. I had brought some unexpensive but well selected presents for her and even for her beloved cat and we made photos in the lobby smiling and joking all the time. She even sent the photos to her girlfriend and I was very content when I unpacked my bags upstairs in the room.
At night we both got dressed up and by her initiative she came in a taxi ("so we can drink") and we went to her favorite diner called "Bistro De Luxe" (highly recommendable) out in the city for an elegant and romantic dinner. She was dressed in black lace and I wore my best suit. Everything seemed just right. The food was excellent, the mood as well and the conversation funny and charming. She asked me to raise the glass and say a toast to us and I thought I was in heaven (at my advanced age). I can surely say without exaggeration that I don't look my age, I never smoked or drank, I love and practice sports and I don't work hard. )) So I guess that even though she is only 37 and I am 51, nobody in the restaurant would have noticed the 14-year age difference at first glance.
Having studied Russian culture I am well aware of the wants and needs of a Russian (or in this case Belorussian) lady and it goes without saying that I paid for everything, including the taxis and I gave an appropriate tip to the waiters who provided excellent service. At midnight we took a taxi home and even though my hotel was close I insisted on bringing her home first and drive back after she is inside safely. We sat in in the back of the taxi but not close together but rather with a gentleman's distance. We arrived at her flat and she got out, I galantly opened the door and brought her to the stairs of the entrance. I gave her a swift kiss on the cheek and thanked her for the wonderful evening. Back in the hotel in my room we exchanged some nice messages wishing us a good night sleep and both looking forward to our meeting the next day.
She is running her own small business in Minsk and after an early morning hour at work she picked me up in the hotel and we decided to go to the museum. Inside I noticed for the first time that she was somehow annoyed by our impossibility to communicate directly without the help of our mobile interpreter. I had studied Russian on my own for a few months but I was still a beginner and her English was not much better but I had promised that I would learn her language in record time if we find a way together. I fluently speak and write Spanish, Italian and English and I have a knack for languages but of course Russian is very heavy and different. However, I already read and write all 33 Cyrillic letters.
When we left the museum she asked me if I wanted to go for lunch. I was undecided and said, "if you like we can go, but I am not hungry yet". She looked at me upset and lifted her voice saying, "What now?! You want to eat or not?!" I was surprised and asked, what's going on? She refused to answer, made a condescending hand sign and drove to the nearest restaurant visibly pouting. During lunch she played with her phone and sent messages to other people. All of a sudden her mood was changed and she acted as if she had become less interested in me. I am aware of the swinging moods women sometimes have and remained confident about us and was looking forward to our next date where we planned to go skating and probably meet her friends at a Karaoke bar at night.
***
I will now make a long story short and say that except for one fleeting hour I have not seen her again after that flawed lunch together. She completely avoided me for 2 days, left me stranded at the hotel with no information or valid explanation about what's going on, simply saying that she was "busy" because there were "some problems at work" and she was "tired". I immediately knew that I was losing her and wanted to know what happened. She refused to give me any clear information, even reprimanding me by writing that she does not like "men who take offense".
When I read that message a lump went down my stomach. I started to feel like a complete idiot but I knew that I had done nothing wrong so at least my conscience was clear. In my memory I recalled that I had been a gentleman to her at all times and I decided to let this story that was beginning to fail, end like a gentleman. I was able to convince her to pick me up for a late coffee one day before my return and during that unpleasant hour she had a bad mood, hardly looked at me, sighed in annoyance, yelled at me for no reason, changed tables twice and constantly looked at the clock. The conversation dragged and I was trying to show her my sympathy despite her bad behavior but before I was ready to go she brazenly demanded the check and I paid. Disenchanted and disillusioned I went back to my hotel room and spent another long and boring 36 hours until my flight finally brought me back to Frankfurt. I must admit that on the last day I called my longtime pen pal from this site in Baranovichi and we decided to meet spontaneously a few hours before my departure. I took a taxi in the middle of the night after my host in Minsk had even failed to tell me goodbye. She didn't bother to come to the hotel for a quick hug and a smile that would have cost her nothing and so I had to write her to say goodbye shortly before I got on the taxi to Baranovichi. On Saturday evening I arrived at 23:30 and I spent the remaining time with my pen pal who was overly friendly, warm-hearted and sympathetic with me. I didn't want to meet her before because I was emotionally too depressed and felt it would be a betrayal if went to see her. I only did so after everything was lost. We had a long nocturnal conversation in a bar and she also had no explanation for the outrageous behavior of my "host" from Minsk.
I cannot describe everything that went through my mind in those 5 days in Minsk. We had planned to visit the interesting monuments and sites and even though I loved the city and the people I hardly got to see any of it because she had no respect or consideration for me after day two and treated me like the famous "red headed stepchild" or more appropriately "like a dog".
Shame on her for fooling me, shame on me for letting her fool me. During the few Viber messages we wrote while I was alone waiting for her to write or show up, I was able to get a few sprinkled, isolated and possibly unreflected comments from her like, "I felt nothing", "I cannot kiss you if I don't want it" but that's about everything she had to say to me. She would even mock me by saying, "there was a risk" trying to justify her dishonorable behavior without realizing that the risk was for both of us and not only for me. Now I was the only one to bear the consequences. I was the one who had left work for a week in my most lucrative month of the year, I was the one who took a Lufthansa flight to Minsk, I was the one who stayed in the 5-star hotel that she had recommended (without being rich, well-off or heir of thousand fortunes), I was the one who didn't speak enough Russian to find a solution for my "solitary confinement", I was the one who brought presents and sacrificed my reputation after my return where all my friends wanted to know what happened. This list goes on and on.
I am not a child and my self esteem is still intact because I know I had done nothing wrong and I had given my best to make it succeed. There is definitely something wrong with her and it seems as if she is not aware of what she has done to me. But she is missing a point that I clarify by modifying a famous Bible quote: "What you do to the least of your brothers, you do to yourself".
The disrepectful comments from my friends and my son I will not distribute here but you can imagine that some of the things they said are not only rude and emotional but true and justified.
However, I feel sorry. I feel sorry for her because for me she has a wounded heart, she is a lost soul, a person who is deeply immersed in her own selfishness, a narcicist with no remorse or empathy. I am afraid I believe she will not be happy ever, not have children (at least not in a stable relationship) and never find real love. In Minks she yelled at me twice for no reason and when I confronted her she replied, "when did I yell at you?". It seems as if she is not reflecting her own actions as her empathy for me was completely absent. On the last day she sanctimoniously offered "friendship" but she had treated me like an enemy and I cannot be friends with someone who disrespects and despises me so openly.
I wish her peace, happiness, insight and self-reflection but most of all I wish her love. There is no way that I am such an unattractive man who she feels nothing about after that wonderful first evening and all the time before where our hearts and souls were close and we appreciated and cared for each other. I had my chance, I lost it but she lost a chance too. I was not in love with her yet but I was ready for everything. It shouldn't be.
I finish this tragic account by posting the words of one of my favorite jazz ballads "I Wish You Love":
www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Ikb5WMI9GU
Goodbye
No use leading with our chins
This is where our story ends
Never lovers, never friends
Goodbye
Let our hearts call it a day
But before you walk away
I sincerely want to say
I wish you
Bluebirds in the spring
To give your heart a song to sing
And then a kiss but more than this
I wish you love
And in July, a lemonade
To cool you in some leafy glade
I wish you health but more than wealth
I wish you love
My breaking heart and I agree
That you and I could never be
So with my best, my very best
I set you free
I wish you shelter from the storm
A cozy fire to keep you warm
But most of all when snowflakes fall
I wish you love
***
Farewell...
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Не могу не опровергнуть Вашу версию, Галина, о широкой известности существования форума. Я на сайте 4 (!!!) года, а форум обнаружила год назад )) Не могу назвать себя нелюбопытной, но вот как-то так.. Видимо, с другой целью тут регистрировалась, и все свое внимание обратила на поиски мужчины, а не на форум. И замечу, что с обнаружением форума главная цель теперь страдает )))
Инна, мы не знаем женщину , мы не знаем мужчину, которые встретились и не нашли общего языка. Это не значит,что она плохая. Мы тоже -не ангелы . Ну не понравился он ей, теперь она- монстр? А мы такие здесь все правильные ,рассудительные ,хорошие в отличии от нее собрались , выпускницы из института благородных девиц...смешно ,ей богу . Мужчина не может смириться с поражением , пусть достойно примет это , не надо его гладить по головке.
Tatiana
Два с лишним года назад на форуме блистал один мужчина. Многие дамы были увлечены тем общением. И только через год на один из моих комментов годичной давности в адрес того мужчины отозвалась дама со словами что-то типа: "Ой, если бы я год назад знала о форуме, об активности мужчины и о..., то я бы...". Так что о форуме знают не все пользователи. Вторым доказательством не очень широкой известности форума есть небольшое количество "согласен" "не согласен" даже при наибольшем числе. Даже самый резонансный пост-коммент набирает не большое число. Даже если учесть что не все знающие о форуме читают именно тот пост, даже если учесть что не все читающие выражают своё мнение нажатием соответствующей кнопочки, всё равно эти числа ничтожно малы по сравнению с общим количеством пользователей.
I have shared this experience because the forum is called "Share the experience". However some ladies here felt entitled to accuse me, to look for my mistakes and even justify the outrageous behavior of this Belorussian beauty. Let me say to all of you, I did not ask for your advice. I wanted to get it off my mind and maybe read a few consoling comments. I am 100% sure that I have done nothing wrong. I am not a gentleman always, I behaved like a gentleman towards her at all times and as her guest I expect her to be my host until the bitter end. Remember, she did not even say goodbye to me! How can that be justified? I didn't mourn over a lost love, I complained about the ruthless behavior of an unconscionable woman and wrote it down to make it easier for me. I am not crying in my pillow, I was angry and offended as a human being. I can accept defeat but I cannot accept egoistic arrogance without a cause.
`
Thanks to all the others who have refrained from spreeading their wise insight on something they don't fully understand. The laguage barrier here in the forum is immense. You can see it in every translation. I couldn't understand half of what some ladies wrote. Not even with all my imagination. Some comments sounded completely off-topic. And I guess this new post will also be misunderstood by the non-English speakers.
Tatiana
Да, Вы не просили ответа и совета.
Но подобная ситуация может случиться с другими мужчинами и женщинами.
Спасибо Вам за Ваш опыт.
Это - форум, общественный ресурс. Через год или два другой мужчина прочитает Вашу историю, он прочитает наши комментарии и будет знать что делать как себя вести.
Вы пишите прекрасно. и почти грамотно. Сайт имеет хороший переводчик. Мы понимаем Ваши сообщения)
Sven
Hi Wolfgang,
Ich schon wieder.
Ärgere Dich nicht. Ich verstehe die Reaktionen einiger hier auch nicht ganz. Du hast ganz nüchtern Deine Sichtweise dargelegt. Klar kann man Deinen Ärger herauslesen, aber das ist ja nicht verwunderlich. Vielleicht sind es aber auch nur Reaktionen eigener Misserfolge und hat vielleicht gar nicht mit Dir zu tun.
Ja stimmt, die Rechtschreibung ist manchmal wirklich echt übel. Naja im Zeitalter von Smartphones verlernen wir alle das Schreiben.
Elena
Yes, you did. But here in forum every post takes comments, opinions and advices and you can't do nothing with this. Be ready to get not only sweet words, especially we are Slavic people are more straightforward.
But sorry again for some people had so impudence to judge you and sorry for you are not the center of Universe in all people eyes.
And advice, last advice, don't worry
Imho Asian ladies could match more to your character.
Thank you Elena, Imho black gemtlemen could match your character very well.
Elena
А товарищ показывает всё больше и больше свой gentlemen характер..
Welcome Wolfgang! And danke for your precious opinion. Good luck.
Irine
Dear Wolfgang!
It's a thousand pities!!! I'm ashamed for our women. But unfortunately, this people a lot of.and men too.
Hope, you'll not be disappointed and continue to search for yours lady in life.
In this situation, dont find problems yourself. This women and men dont know, whats love and dont know never... They dont need. And i'm sad and ashamed for them...
Have a nice mood, meeting always! 😐
Привет,Вольфганг!Я думаю,что Вы просто клюнули на красивую наживку.А в конечном результате получили избалованную девченку,если не сказать по-другому.Я скажу честно читала Вашу анкету,потому,что понравилось фото,но не рискнула "подмигивать" уж очень высока планка.Может Вам нужно немного сбавить обороты и спуститься на грешную землю,а там глядишь и люди к вам потянуться.Я бы по случаю могла сказать:"а приезжайте в гости,мы люди гостеприимные",вот только где я живу нет отелей пятизвездочных и прочего антуража,удивлять нечем.А в остальном все просто и скромно,но без форса и обмана.Так что не нужно особо расстраиваться по поводу,Вас просто использовали.Это будет своего рода урок,не бежать впереди поезда.В следующий раз хорошенько подумайте и взвесьте все "за" и"против"прежде чем нестись сломя голову за тридевять земель.А вообще учите великий и могучий русский язык и будет вам счастье.Я вот тоже хотела уж немецкий учить,так Ваш соотечественник испортил мне весь настрой.И вот теперь думаю,что наверное все зря,или нет?Во всяком случае желаю Вам удачи в Новом году и исполнения желаний!
Elena
Вы очень грубо ответили сейчас Елене и это говорит умным людям, которые понимают в психологии, что вы сам далеко не ангел и характер ваш не из лёгких ! Задумайтесь и не надо оценивать девушек как картинки , у каждой есть душа и пообщавшись месяц по скайпу вы бы по взглядам жестам и голосу могли бы понять что она не ваша мечта и у неё много недостатков , но вы посмотрели только на её внешность Это говорит о вашей непредусмотрительности и где- то просто глупости . Анзде есть неадекватные люди , на то вы и человек, чтобы думать прежде чем делать , так что во всей своей плохой любовной истории вините только себя !!!
A sua história nos ensina muita coisa:
1. "Não ir com muita sede ao pote". Talvez um pouco mais de conversa e perceber nas entrelinhas o que de fato irá encontrar. Antes do primeiro encontro, nas conversas via skype, perceber certos traços de comportamento, ansiedades, conversar sobre amenidades, não concordar com tudo e medir as reações nas divergências. Também, escolher uma data adequada para o primeiro encontro visto que todos temos nosso trabalho e afazeres o que pode ser um problema para se dedicar um ao outro na data escolhida.
2. "Antes só do que mal acompanhado". Foi melhor que tudo tenha acontecido no primeiro encontro. Imagine se tivesse ocorrido tudo bem, imagine se houvesse um progresso no relacionamento e, mais tarde ela se mostrasse como realmente era. A sua dor com certeza seria muito maior do que a dor que ora sente.
3. "Diferença de idade". Não acho que isso seja tão importante como muitos aqui comentaram. Tenho amigos, casados, com uma diferança de 22 anos de idade. Vivem bem e são felizes. O amor não tem idade quando de fato acontece. Todos estabelecemos um critério de busca, vasculhamos por difersos perfis e nos encantamos por alguns traços. Eu leio o perfil atentamente, analiso as fotos, vejos os comentários e respostas às perguntas, vejo a idade dos filhos comparado a idade das mulheres, o que fazem e o que gostam. Vejo o signo também e faço as minhas comprações. Não que seja 100% de certeza que será o certo, mas ajuda na seleção.
`Por fim, agradeça a Deus, ele te ama e te protegeu de uma mal maior.
Felicidade para você, não desista! Tem mulheres lindas e maravilhosas aqui no site, tem mulheres lindas e maravilhosas no mundo a espera de encontrar e, na busca de sua alma gêmea.
Saudações.
Salvador
wolfgang :
We the men , have the will to court the women. It is a natural law that we must follow.
The chances to enter in the life of a woman are low since the beginning, so please, do not feel a fault or sadness.
Just remember the best and forget the bad.
And turn the page,
Among millions of great and real women, there is someone specially for you. The problem is to find her.
So, just find her, she is waiting for you.
Do her chance with you!!!!
Go and fight for her...
Sincerely,
Salvador
P.s. that process is natural, even the conception of a human being follows this law.
Salvador
Wolfgang:
You will find many answers if you get into female mindset,,,,
not all women are equally, men also; thanks god there is diversity that made us unique in this world...
Check my last post at Gentlemen Section, there is an excellent book reference...
Do you know why ladies go together to the bathroom???
Why we the man never go together to the bathroom, but go together to the sports???
It is an anthropological explanation about how the brain is wired diferently with evolution; thanks god he made us different. and there is a true explanation as to have succes as specie, the mankind.
Check the reference, you will find what you are seeking....
Salvador
My friend Wolfgang "amigo"
I see what happened to you after reading in deep detail. Every step you did, on the second day, worsened deep and deep. It was no Russian manners to blame on the girl.
It was that she felt uncomfortable with your personality. And every apology you made, just confirmed again and again that you did not liked to her.
Period, you should guard your dignity since the first sign of trouble and setup a distance,
You said that met a pen pal at the city. You should stop every communication with your failed woman and adapt to the situation.
In few days she would be crazy to know about you and of course she would tried to contact you with 180 change in attitude.
And you lost the chance to really shared a better time with a woman who really appreciated you.
Women read gestures, attitude, intuition, chemistry. Even before you open your mouth.
I had with my business partner only one day of meeting, because she really had a family urgency. I never paid to her tourism tour planned for many days. I never was upset no matter she was afraid of my reaction. I was read by her when I proposed business together.
And convinced her after several days she had for reflections on my propose.
I met E. I never contacted her , but she read my info and made the first step. No language barrier.
I only gave to God thanks as I knew in how to adapt my situation.
Now I have a dear friend, a business partner and only God know what will come next.
Read that book I commented. It will clarify to you, your personal experience with all details you lived.
With best regards,
Hello Wolfgang. Это очень грустная история, но и это большой урок для вас. Вы выбираете себе в подруги молодых и необычайно красивых женщин, не думая, а сможете ли вы их достаточно обеспечить и содержать. Ваша Минская девушка высокого мнения о себе и поняв что вы ее простите не потянете, решила не тратить на вас свое время. Красота женщины стоит больших денег, вы не оправдали ее надежд. Вы потратили на нее все свои сбережения, но не получили в ответ ничего, кроме урока и разочарования. Если вы действительно хотите семью и настроены на серьезные отношения, найдите женщину попроще, подходящую для семьи, а не королеву красоты....
Olga
Прочитала о вашем знакомстве и встрече, и искренне посочувствовала, к сожалению в нашем мире сейчас много равнодушия и отсутствия культуры, но любой опыт в жизни хороший или плохой, это приобретение знаний и исправление этих ошибок в будущем. Может эта ситуация уберегла вас от еще больших проблем, если бы вы женились и это началось потом, весь негатив эмоций и еще больше разочарований, желаю вам удачи и встретить женщину своей мечты, искреннюю и добрую.
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