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I seek advice

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Jeffrey, 63 y.o.

China

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Age differences and having children at an older age

Hello all,

First let me say that I welcome replies from both men and women.  Obviously based on the forum participants I expect the majority to be from women. I have always been open in my communication.  If you respond, I ask that you first give a lot of thought to your words.   I took a lot of time to think and write this letter and if I might say a lot of courage too. So, I ask the same of you.


I know parts of this letter have been addressed before on this site.  But I want to offer my personal opinions.  I also want to give some of my background. 

I am not a young man chronologically. This is something I cannot hide. But I wonder if I am different in mind and heart than the average (almost) 55 year old.  You see, I don’t have children or obviously grandchildren of own.  For various reasons it didn’t happen. I was married twice. Not a subject of pride, but it is life.  Both times were to ladies younger than me.  My first wife was 10.5 years younger than me. We were 34 and 24 when we married. My second 7 years. We were 42 and 35 when married. My second wife had two children from her first marriage. So, I have been a step-father. Honestly, in my opinion my divorces had nothing to do with our age differences, but other reasons.

Since I don’t have children, or like many men my age, grandchildren, then I think in some ways my mindset is different. I actually still wrestle with the idea of having my own children. The desire to be a father is still there. I know there could be unique challenges to have children at my age, both for myself and my prospective partner.

But I cannot deny the desire. Would I consider marrying a lady with children again? Yes, of course. Could they lessen the desire to have my own children?  Yes, it is possible.

My brother is three years older than me. He has two children and four grandchildren.  He has just taken an early retirement from his last job. I honestly at times have a hard time relating to him. We have very little in common even though we are close in age.

I wonder if the same could be said of relating to ladies my age who are grandmothers and are possibly focused on retirement.

But if I want to have children then obviously this limits my age search to women probably much younger than me; likely to women under 40. Ladies here often say that men who seek out younger women here do it for selfish reasons.  I would say that I disagree in some cases.

In my opinion, there is more to a relationship than age.  The mindset of the people is more important. Where is their focus? Obviously you can’t deny that there are some differences that age brings, but if both parties know them, then does it matter so much? There are no guarantees that people of similar age will succeed in marriage.

I teach young children now.  It takes a lot of energy but I really enjoy it. My heart is young and so is my spirit.  My mind is not focused on retirement and doing less. I want to continue to work and be active as long as my health allows. If I can do this into my 70’s then I will be happy. Honestly, I don’t even think of retirement, at all.

You can look at my profile.  I talk to women with children, grandchildren, and some with no children.

So, some questions I have are: Does age and age difference truly matter so much?  And if so, then what can a man my age who thinks about being a father to do? What are your thoughts about me contemplating being a father at my “advanced age)”?  Should I resolve this issue finally and then communicate only with ladies who meet my criteria?  I thank you for taking the time to read this letter. I also thank you in advance for offering your advice.

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Jeffrey, 63 y.o.

China

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Reply to Natalya on View the commented comment

Natalya,

Thank you for writing. For many people, China is a great mystery, although not so different today as most people think. Like many countries, it has interesting people and history and beautiful nature. Like you probably know, China is becoming a modern society with the quality of life in the larger cities similar to the west. My nationality will always be US, so any child that might be born will always have the same regardless of where he/she is born.

The story sounds interesting. Thanks for sharing.

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Jeffrey, 63 y.o.

China

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Reply to Nadya on View the commented comment

Nadya,

I agree 100%


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Natalya


здравствуйте
никто не может дать вам дельный совет в этом деле, поскольку это ваша жизнь, - но это мое личное субъективное мнение
если вы полюбите женщину своего возраста - неужели вы откажитесь от нее???
если вы действительно хотите иметь детей - можно воспользоваться услугами суррогатной матери, и любовь тут ни при чем

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Liza, 61 y.o.

Russia

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Reply to Terrance on View the commented comment

 Вы правы ...я с вами согласна!Наши актеры после 60 лет имели детей и очень счастливы!

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Irina, 58 y.o.

China

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Hello! I also live in China. In Beijing. Six weeks later, my daughter would go to Japan to live with her husband-Japanese. I'll stay here in China all alone. I understand your desire to have own children, but I also know that here in China is very difficult to find a pair. I can not build a relationship with the Chinese. I was a stranger to their mentality. For them the main thing - money. The concept of "soul" does not exist for them. Foreigners living in China, there are usually long and serious relationship do not want to build. A casual relationships and short-term affair is unacceptable for me.
I understand that you want to have your children. But it may also happen that you will not find women, according to such a move to adulthood. What then?
You'll be all alone? maybe it makes sense to get acquainted with the woman with whom your soul will quietly and reliably 


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Svetlana

Reply to Nadya on View the commented comment

Nadya, Donald Trump is very rich and here is the difference between him and Jeffrey. I understand Jeffrey. It is not mainly for Jeffrey to have children. He wants his special lady, lady of his heart.
It is hard to looking for the lady.
But I sincerely wish him good luck to it.


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Svetlana

Reply to Julia on View the commented comment

Да, в 70 лет можно все начать сначала. Но как вы будете воспитывать детей ? Если он родится в 70. А дальше ? Да и каким образом в 70 лет можно завести ребенка ? Если банка спермы нет. Немногие ее имеют. Вот только не говорите о миллионерах. Там и суррогатную мать можно нанять и гувернанток и воспитателей и сиделок. А также поваров и уборщиц в доме. Тогда это очень радостно иметь детей в 70, 80, 90 лет


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Svetlana

Reply to Nadya on View the commented comment

А если нет детей ?


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Kiti

Reply to Jeffrey on View the commented comment

Джеффри! Женитесь по любви...какая разница в разнице возраста!)))) Уже 55, а вернее еще 55. А там Бог даст, будут дети. Нет,...ну что же не всем дано это счастье. Значит у вас другое предначертание ( судьба) Дайте кому -то заботу свою, любовь. Станьте нужным и любимым. И спешите Жить и наслаждайтесь Жизнью и Дарите свою Любовь любимой Женщине.

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Elena, 50 y.o.

Russia

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добрый день. прочитала ваш пост и немного недоумеваю, почему вы причисляете себя к уже отжившим так сказать людям. у вас очень нужная профессия, вы делаете хорошее дело. и то что вы пока не встретили свою вторую половинку это все временно. вы приятный мужчина, у вас привлекательная внешность. и ваш возраст не так уж преклонный. вы в отличном возрасте. спасибо что прочитали, можете ответ если будет желание написать на моей странице.

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