4. What would constitute a "perfect" day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people's?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set III

25. Make three true "we" statements each. For instance, "We are both in this room feeling ... "
26. Complete this sentence: "I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... "
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you've just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
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30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner's advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

​4. My me-time
I love my ‘me-time’. I seek to left alone for a few hours, it does not mean I don’t love you anymore or have bored of our relationship. I might use this time to write a journal, concentrate on my hobbies, meditate or simply sit idle. I am just trying to reconnect with myself, that’s it!

5.​My parents
I understand that I have certain responsibilities towards your family after getting married, but please don’t forget I have, and will always have my own family as well. Don’t take me as an irresponsible wife if I want to spend some time with my parents, or help them whenever required. And if I am accepting your parents as my new family, you need to do the same as well.

​6.My independence
Dear future husband, you are going to marry a modern independent woman. She is professionally successful, financially independent, loves to travel (sometimes solo), and can even fix a punctured tyre all by herself. Rather than feeling little ‘less manly’ about my independence, take pride in marrying a girl who will not bother you to help her for every little thing. In fact, she might help you when you need her to.

​7. My income
I am willing to contribute towards our new home and ease your financial burden. But please don’t mind if I spend some part of my earnings on my family and friends (including make-up as well!). I am not a spendthrift but don’t assume my salary is meant just for you and your family.

​8. Let’s talk about household chores
I really hope you won’t mind doing the dishes if I turn up late from office, or cook breakfast for us the day I am unwell. We both have been brought up the same way, and I hope you understand the concept of equal work and equal opportunities.
So, do we have a deal?

Wolfinger adds, "People who marry later face a pool of potential spouses that has been winnowed down to exclude the individuals most predisposed to succeed at matrimony."

In her sweet, short 8 minute inspirational talk – she gives the odds of her being alive, talks about miracles and discusses her mantra of life. Watch the inspirational talk here:

Here are 5 inspiring lessons you can take back from her talk:

1. Believe in miracles:

Medical science and statistics prove that it is a miracle that she still breathes and walks. And she believes that miracles are good things that are unlikely to happen. So true!

1st miracle – She was born with Immune Deficiency. Only one in a million are born with this rarity which reduces their life expectancy to 1 year.

2nd miracle – she had to undergo a bone marrow transplant at the most tender age of 6 months. And it is a miracle that she survived. Only 30% people survive the surgery but she did!

3rd miracle – There was only 10% chance that she would develop Pulmonary Fibrosis (hardening of lungs) as a side effect of the surgery and yet again she did!

Rely on the miracle of life!

2. Live in the moment:

It is amazing how a small child talks about such a profound lesson of life with such ease, that too with the example of her good times with her puppy (she calls him Rolo). When we see life from a distance, we misinterpret it as a cumbersome and difficult journey to undertake. But when we take it hour by hour, moment by moment, it all seems much easier isn’t it? Don’t we keep saying ‘time just flew away’? That is what happens when you learn to live in the moment like her!

She forgot all the pain of her syringes, her illness and sadness when she played with her pets and cuddled into them. She concentrated on ‘what she could still do’ and not on ‘what she could no longer do’ and hence went ahead and got a photoshoot on a wheelchair since she couldn’t go to school! It is very easy to sit and cry over things we can’t do. But it takes courage to stand up and decide that we choose happiness over everything else in this world and do the things we still can. And she did just that.

3. Opportunities in Difficulties:

Chances never elude us if we are smart and quick enough to recognize and catch hold of them. Being confined to a wheelchair, she couldn’t do much. But that gave her loads of time to pursue her passions.

And it is true that when God takes away something, He gives something else in such an immense quality and quantity that you could live your whole life on that one gift. Aisha is a brilliant painter and spends a lot of her time painting. Infact, she even claims that she has painted more in her illness than in her wellness. If she can do it, why can’t we?

4. Never forget to dream:

Dreams are something that should be chased incessantly because they do come true. And there is nothing wrong in dreaming huge. It doesn’t cost a dime!

Lying motionless in her bed, Aisha used to dream of walking to the market with friends, dancing at her cousin’s wedding, visualized her costume for that dance, running around with her dogs and much more. And she willed herself into all that.

Mind is not a very difficult thing to beat. All you need is that extra bit of effort. The power of the mind is limitless. All things happen twice. Once in your mind and once in reality.

5. Pets are the best medicine:

Only the one, who has ever experienced the magic in the love a pet could give, can understand the sentiments behind her statement. It is not a kind of love you would ever see in human beings and it gives you immense power to fight the pain. More than what you could imagine. That’s why she says, ‘Buy a dog when nothing else works’

It is really outstanding, the way Aisha has turned around her life and decided to think only about the good things and the positives. There will always be too much negativity to pull us down. And there will always be something to sing about, something to be grateful for. The pick is ours!

She believes that her life is in the middle of a shipwreck and now is the best time to sing in the life boats. And she is doing just that. The challenges that life has thrown at her have helped her live a more enriched and intense life than may be what we have lived so far. Happiness is not a gift we take, but a choice we make. She ends her awe-inspiringly awesome talk with an even beautiful quote,

“My soul would have no rainbow, if my eyes had no tears”

She passed away shortly after that. You can see how she is all grown up. But in reality, she was very sick at the time and couldn’t breathe without a tube. But she wanted to look good in the pictures so she spoke without the tube anyway. She actually wanted to stand and talk, but her body couldn’t permit that strain! Let me tell you – there was not a single dry eye in the audience when she was done. In an auditorium filled with stalwarts, she got a resounding applause and a standing ovation.

She taught them the vanity of complaining and life and the power of acceptance that day. So if you are right now complaining about something, I hope this puts your life in perspective a little! More power to your soul Ayesha. You are a true rockstar, wherever you are!

Normally when u do it for 7 days , something within u changes and slightly mutates your weak mind permanently for better. Then even if u miss your routines for a day or two ; the TASTE of success will trail you through to exert again.
7 days will become 15 and then 30. Soon it might juts become an overriding habit.
Then you ROAR .
Rise & Shine !
Keep working till you convert the lambs of your mind into lions.

You are more than that. And the woman you are looking at is more than her clothes. She is more than her body. There is a lot of talk about how men objectify women, and largely, it is true. Humans objectify the things they love in effort to control them. If you truly love a person, do not reduce them to an object. The moment you objectify another human – woman or man, you give up your humanity.

There are two views regarding a woman’s dress code that you will be pressured to buy into. One view will say that women need to dress to get the attention of men. The other view will say women need to dress to protect men from themselves. Son, you are better than both of these. A woman, or any human being, should not have to dress to get your attention. You should give them the full attention they deserve simply because they are a fellow human being. On the other side, a woman should not have to feel like she needs to protect you from you. You need to be in control of you.
Unfortunately, much of how the sexes interact with each is rooted in fear. Fear of rejection, fear of abuse, fear of being out of control. In some ways, the church has added to this. We fear each other because we have been taught the other is dangerous. We’ve been taught a woman’s body will cause men to sin. We’re told that if a woman shows too much of her body men will do stupid things. Let’s be clear: a woman’s body is not dangerous to you. Her body will not cause you harm. It will not make you do stupid things. If you do stupid things it is because you chose to do stupid things. So don’t contribute to the fear that exists between men and women.

A woman’s body is beautiful and wonderful and mysterious. Respect it by respecting her as an individual with hopes and dreams and experiences and emotions and longings. Let her be confident. Encourage her confidence. But don’t do all this because she is weaker. That’s the biggest bunch of crap out there. Women are not weaker than men. They are not the weaker sex. They are the other sex.

I’m not telling you to not look at women. Just the opposite. I’m telling you to see women. Really see them. Not just with your eyes, but with your heart. Don’t look to see something that tickles your senses, but see a human being.
My hope is that changing how you see women will change how you are around them. Don’t just be around women. Be with women.

Because in the end, they want to be with you. Without fear of being judged, or shamed, or condemned, or objectified, or being treated as other. And that’s not just what women want. That’s what people want.
Ultimately, it’s what you want.

Arjuna sat dumbfounded. Why hadn't this thought occurred to him.
Krishna smiled mischievously and told him, Arjuna subconsciously, you were attracted to the gold, you regretfully gave it away to each villager, giving them what you thought was a generous amount. Thus the size of your donation to each villager depended only on your imagination.
Karna holds no such reservations. Look at him walking away after giving away a fortune, he doesn't expect people to sing his praises, he doesn't even care if people talk good or bad about him behind his back. That is the sign of a man already on the path of enlightenment.
Giving with an Expectation of a Return in the form of a Compliment or Thanks is not a Gift, then it becomes a Trade.
Give without expecting anything in Return....

Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other ‘n that’s all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.’
He looked at his disciples and said. ‘So when you argue do not let your hearts get distant, Do not say words that distance each other more, Or else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return.’

Meet Ayandrali Dutta, 38, who's a travel blogger and journalist by profession. She is unpacking her luggage after her recent trip to Maldives, and has a smug smile on her face. The trip had everything she desired for...luxury, romance, fun, adventure, and beautiful memories. But the best part about the trip was she did not need a "partner" or "companion" to enjoy the excursion. She was all by herself and, in fact, she has been living her life like that. "I have been single since quite some time now. I have had my share of relationships but nothing worked out. I feel men could not handle a girl like me who's super independent, can manage everything herself—from fixing punctured tyres to managing the entire household—and is professionally successful. I am yet to find a man, man enough to handle me. Till then, I choose to stay single and I have no complaints from life."

Ayandrali loves her freedom and is not willing to trade it for any relationship that it not worth it. "I am comfortable in my own skin, and love the fact I do not need to take someone's permission to head out for a party, attend an event, go for heritage walk or travel every month."

Similar is the story of Ruchika Dhawan, 35, who believes life can be beautiful without a partner too. "I never wanted my twenties to be just about completing my education, getting married and having kids. I was still looking for the purpose of my life and not mentally prepared to get married. So, I had to put my foot down and tell my family that marriage is not my priority at the moment," shares Ruchika, a life coach and author by profession.

Being single means being lonely?
Just like every other decision in life, being single comes with its own set of pros and cons. One of them may be the emotional void, and Ayandrali, who does not deny it, opines, "I completely second the fact that being single can be lonely sometimes. But on the other hand, I also see married people who feel lonely as well. For me, it's more about how to perceive things. What is the guarantee that my husband will give me emotional support when I need it? What if he's carrying his own emotional baggage, and I have to handle his issues along with mine? I definitely don't want that in life."

Ruchika has her own take. "Not everyone needs a companion for emotional support. I have my students, some quality friends and family who stand by my side always."
Abhishek Agarwal, 39, feels nobody is single by choice; it's about when destiny drops the right people in your life. "I have no qualms in settling down but I need to find the person with whom I can spend the rest of my life with. Everybody has their own journey. Some find love in their school days and some take their own sweet time, like me."
Casual dating, flings and family...

What about casual dating and flings? Ayandrali instantly answers, "Why not! Everyone need some quirkiness in your life! On a serious note, flings have taught me life lessons, and have actually made me a stronger version of myself. I don't trust anyone in the blink of an eye, and have a better grip on my life. In fact, being single has liberated me from preconceived notions about relationships."
And what about having a family to fall back on after a tiring day? "The societal norms are changing. I don't mind adopting a kid and having my own little family one day. Life has taught me to live in present. I am okay settling down if I find the right person, and completely fine even if I don't," adds Ruchika.

For some, career comes first
It's all about how you prioritise things. We belong to a generation that is quite career oriented, and is running a rat race to be better than their peers. Is that impacting the relationships status as well? Well, to some extent yes! "I have been completely absorbed in building my career since my twenties. I actually never had time for relationships. How could I have committed to a person when I was under financial responsibilities and had career on the top of my priority list," tells Rohan Jain, 34.

Oh! Commitment is scary!
With live-in relationships becoming common and dating apps available just a few clicks away, the concept of commitment, dedication and loyalty have taken a back seat for many. In fact, our generation is growing more inclined towards hook ups than commitment. Is sexual gratification something that millennials are relying on today? "Committing to someone for life is a big responsibility. I see people staying together in a loveless marriage just for the sake of having respect in society. Then, there are cases where people grow out of love within a few years of relationship. Ergo, I am scared of venturing into such waters. I am an emotional person and don't want to place my happiness in someone else's hand. I will better stay single, and stay away from any commitment," opines Yatin Khuranna, 36, entrepreneur.

Looking radiant in a red traditional sari, Bollywood's 'dreamgirl' also shared some images with the Indian Ambassador to Russia Pankaj Saran, and his wife. She also posed with a fan, apart from doing some touristy things. "This morning walked around the famous Red Square," she tweeted along with a photograph in which she is seen dressed in casuals.

The event left her overwhelmed. "Such a proud moment! My popular songs from Hindi films were performed beautifully amidst loud applause from the huge audience gathered," Hema wrote.

What Eastern Philosophy says about the ‘casuality of’ Casual Sex?

Many of us misunderstand ancient Indian yogic philosophy when it comes to casual sex and sexual pursuits, practices of monogamy and moderation, why it does not approve of casual sex etc. That’s because those many of us have never bothered to read those texts.

Without getting into much detail here, let me tell you – the yogic science says our body operates on energy circulation. Sexual energy is the lowest on the energy scoreboard and it originates in the lower most part of the body. Up along the spine, there are six more chakras to unlock, six more powerful energy sources to activate, and six higher levels of joy to experience. If you want to exist on the lowest level of joy and pleasure, so be it!

Moderation is advocated to ensure you find time for higher pursuits. Yes! Sex is important in a relationship but Sex is not the only way to merge. And if it is the only way for someone then that person is lying grossly low on the evolution plane. Otherwise, what do the saints and rishis care – about what you choose to do with your body parts. It is no one’s business but yours – as to which body part you choose to use more, your brains or your genital organs.

If you want to know more, do watch Sadhguru’s take on sex obsession in this amazing video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2QXcMZcqaE

2.Casual Sex creates an illusion of a relationship, not a solid foundation

I know you are getting flashbacks of movies like ‘Friends with Benefits’ and ‘No strings attached’. Come back to the present.

The advent of Netflix, fast internet, the proliferation of sitcoms needs to be treated with caution. I know we are in a global culture but we also need the mental ability to process it and see where it fits in our lives – before blindly accepting everything as suitable and doable just because two actors on TV are doing it.

Yes Joey may have hooked up casually all throughout the 10 seasons of ‘FRIENDS’ but when he really ended up liking Rachel, the casual thing didn’t work. Monica and Chandler had to work really hard on their relationship which started with casual maybe went through a lot of grind. What I am saying is – it won’t be as ‘easy peasy’ as all the Hollywood rom-coms make it look like. They never show what happens after the honeymoon period because that’s when all hell breaks loose–

When you have sex too quickly, you are mostly letting your hormones do the talking. Logic, judgement and clothes are usually out of the window. It is like a drug high. When the high ends, chances of it ‘becoming’ your dream relationship are very rare. If at all it sustains, it will take a really long time and hard work to turn it into a workable relationship. And now you probably don’t like that talking, thinking, clothed person but you have come too far.

Why not put in that level of work from the start!

I am not saying it is not fun and exciting. It sure is. But maybe only for those 15-20 minutes when the endorphins made you think you two have so much in common and this should never end.

Sex often creates an illusion of a relationship. But it does not lay a solid ground for one. In the heat of the moment, people say things they probably mean at that point. But when they go back and heartbeat is back to normal, most people don’t intend to act on them. A calm heart makes the best decisions, not a raging libido.

illusion_of_relationship

You can recover from it twice, maybe thrice. But it is like getting addicted to substance. Every time you use, you need a little bit more to get high. But when you come crashing down to reality, the fall is harder than the last. Till you reach a point of no return and all reality is lost. I know people who get so addicted to this impulsive instant ‘feel-good’ gratification that they don’t want to invest in a real relationship. Casual sex is too easy. But its pitfall is that – it makes you more and more commitment phobic, as every time you get attached a little and it doesn’t work out – you go one step back. It never takes you forward.

3. Casual relationships have short shelf lives

Sometimes, I really want to go ahead and do a market research on the shelf life of the app ‘Tinder’. It has become the poster child app for casual sex, one night stands and casual relationships. And it is leaving behind many dissatisfied customers.

Could it so be – because these casual relationships have a short life span?

I have many misgivings about my understanding of sex as casual. You are choosing to be “naked” in front of someone and you are saying:

You don’t want to know about him,
You don’t want to be exclusive,
It’s okay since you are using protection (BTW, there are STDs that can get transferred even with protection)
You are willing to go near someone’s privates without knowing the level of hygiene they maintain, their physical habits, their health issues etc.
Call it ‘backward’ but makes NO SENSE WHATSOEVER to me! I am old school and happy to be. I’m not saying ‘save yourself for marriage’. But I am requesting that you exercise caution, and get to know someone before taking this step. And if even after knowing someone it doesn’t work out, then you would know – you tried your level best not to get hurt, you took care of yourself!

See- majority of people is moving around wearing masks. You would be much better in your heart and soul when you take their masks off first before you take off their lingerie.

There is a PATTERN to all this.

Firstly, I have a bone to pick with bar pickups. I am working with the assumption that most bar encounters end in casual sex. So my problem is this mixture of alcohol and raging hormones. Why can’t people pick each other at book stores! At max it would lead to a ‘casual conversation’ and everyone will go home happy and emotionally unhurt. And even better – intellectually satisfied! I find that to be a more provocative deal).

Anyway, you picked someone at the bar. You went on and did all the stuff. You met again a couple of times. You laughed together, you got interested in each other lives. You slowly became friends with benefits. But as you dug deeper, you found their life wasn’t that interesting. Two scenarios here:

Even if it is interesting – the premise was casual. So this casual-ness will always be the common point in your relationship. You both caught a stray and used it for your pleasure. So what if things became serious after that! The reason you met is because you both thought casual sex is fine. If it was okay before, it is often assumed to be okay in the future too. One reason why so many divorces happen because of cheating spouses! For them, causal is okay.
You were casual from the beginning and you conveyed it. But when the other person started showing more interest, you started freaking out. You nodded and portrayed everything is fine but inwardly you cringed about ‘ye kya ho raha hai mere saath’! You started avoiding that person and it just starts going south from there. Soon it all becomes too complex. Painful too.

Everyone realizes it sooner than later that ‘Sex is not ethereal but ephemeral’. I know of friends who are into casual relationships (they think) but end up wanting more, that ‘wanting more’ not getting reciprocated and then jumping on to the next casual one. Is that working in the best of your interest? I am just looking out for you here.

And the pattern continues. Very few people have the courage to stop themselves from slipping into this rabbit hole of feel-good, short term, fun, casual relationships based on booty calls and casual sex. What sitcoms don’t show you is how it leads to loneliness, anxiety, depression and commitment issues as the aftermath of ‘being the cool dudes and chicks”.

casual_sex_doesn't_work

It is not that that those who indulge in casual sex have moral flaws. What you do with your time and body is your prerogative and no one’s business, as long as you don’t hurt anyone. But what about the hurt you cause yourself – by rabbiting down the depression hole, consistent emptiness, loneliness- the genesis of which is usually when your sewers meet some random else’s gutters.

From where I stand, ‘fuck’ and ‘focus’ don’t really go hand in hand because the mind doesn’t forget. Neither does the body. We get used to bodies like google saves your ‘search hits’ and preserves cookie data for the next time you are in such a situation.

That’s why, it often so happens that people keep going back to their douchebag hook-ups even after they have been treated unfairly and disrespectfully. They are so desperate, they can’t say no even if it kills their self-respect. Don’t feed those people who do not have the basic human tendency to treat you well even if it was just a casual relationship. Have the courage to say no to lower standards wherever possible.

Try to be happy in whichever situation you are.

Try to understand the wants of situation. May be God wants to make you so strong that you can face the adversities of life.

God may be trying to show the different world or a new world where you can grow and explore yourself. He knows, in which situation we can perform well, where we can adjust or where we can excel ourselves.

So, whatever happens, it always happens for good.

We just have to trust Him and,most importantly TRUST your own FORCE. Your faith should not droop down & then eventually, they will all make something wonderful!

Truth no 4 :
people respect the money not the person..

Truth no 5 :
the person you love the most, will hurt you the most !

Truth no 6 :
"Truth is Simple, But, The Moment YOU try to Explain it...
It Becomes Difficult"

Truth no 7 :
"When you are happy you enjoy the music", but
"when you are sad, you understand the lyrics".

Truth no 8 :
IN LIFE Two things define you-
"Your patience" when you have nothing...
&
"Your attitude" when you have everything...
Rightly said "The internet shows us how small the world is...but a missing plane shows, how big our planet is.."..

Everyone clapped!!!
Don't analyse the problems only from an expert point of view alone..
There is always a layman's outlook that gives an alternate solution at a given point of time...
Life issues are also the same....
Release Some Air (Ego), and Adjust The Height (Attitude)..

Even though Val’s guy took off with thirty grand of her money and left her struggling with debts, her biggest concern is not how to get the money back or how to recover, but why he chose to be with the other, seemingly less attractive, less successful woman instead of her.

Countless women have shared stories with me of being involved with a guy who blew hot and cold, used them for sex, still had a wife or girlfriend, cheated on them, disappeared regularly, took their money, used them for a job, used them to gain access to their friends or to enhance their career, was disliked by all and sundry, or whatever the story is, and you know what?

Every, single, last woman was still expressing disbelief that somebody who had behaved without love, care, trust, and respect and had shown themselves to be a poor relationship partner, didn’t want them.

It’s almost like it doesn’t matter what shitty qualities these guys have – we want the validation.

I too remember not being that into an ex and yet I stuck out the relationship on and off for two years. Why? Because aside from my ego not being able to take it and wanting to ‘prove’ myself to him and not having enough self-respect, I also suffered with I Can’t Believe They Don’t Want Me Syndrome also known more crudely as Why The Eff Doesn’t This Loser Want Me!

This is the behaviours and mindset centred around the bewildered disbelief you experience when someone that you secretly or even openly acknowledge as being a poor choice for a relationship or ‘beneath you’, doesn’t want you. You’ll struggle to accept that the relationship is over and/or that they’ve moved on with someone else and at it’s worst, the rejection will cause you to feel trapped in your feelings and have you reacting to it and doing things that at their best are embarrassing and at their worst, humiliating.

The confusion kicks in because in knowing that they’re not good enough for you and that you actually can and should do better, you wonder what is wrong with you that someone ‘like them’ doesn’t want you. You will also fall prey to I Can’t Believe They Don’t Want Me Syndrome if like a lot of people with dodgy love habits, you have a habit of being involved with people who you know don’t quite stack up because you think it will be easier for them to love you and that you are less likely to lose them or be rejected by them. If I had a pound for every woman who has ever emailed or commented expressing abject horror at the fact that her habitually emotionally unavailable guy or assclown doesn’t want her, I’d be a very rich woman.

Why doesn’t he want me? I think the fact that he’s regarded as an asshole is enough of an indicator that it’s time for you to stop wanting him.

Who does he think he is rejecting me? You can’t assume a position of always being the one to reject or choosing people on the basis of them being less likely to reject you because you think you bring more to the table.

How did it go from him chasing a disinterested me to me pounding down his door trying to win him back? This in itself indicates that you’ve become more interested because they’re less interested which is a very unhealthy situation because your hook is rejection.

I know he’s no good for me but I can’t understand why he doesn’t love/want me? If you know he’s no good for you, why are you concerning yourself with why they don’t want you when you should be concerning yourself with getting the hell away from them? This is your ego getting out of whack as you’ve decided that you need to get ‘love’ from a ‘broken’ source and can’t cope with the fact that someone who has blatantly demonstrated their inability won’t revolutionise the wheel for you.

I’m a smart, educated, attractive, successful woman – why doesn’t he want to be with me? How could he choose her over me? Even if you do genuinely believe you have something more to offer, they don’t have to take it and what you think they want and need, is not the same as what they think they want and need – it’s not up to you.

Seeking validation is about getting confirmation that something is true and many people are caught in the trap of basing their lives around the cumbersome task of seeking validation instead of working on their own self-esteem and validating themselves within healthier partnerings.

Not interested in the person that wants them, they want the person, no matter how lacking in character they are, to confirm their worthiness by wanting them.

We really need to wise up, toughen up, smell the proverbial coffee and grow some backbone and self-respect.

If you are experiencing I Can’t Believe They Don’t Want Me Syndrome, it’s time to have a little conversation with your ego because the fact that you want someone because you think it’s outrageous that they don’t want you and your ego can’t cope with it, is, aside from being outrageous, a signal that the relationship was doomed.

People who have I Can’t Believe They Don’t Want Me Syndrome are reliant on feeling like they’re on a pedestal and in fact, have a bit of a superiority complex which in itself is disrespectful to anyone who they’re involved with.

For the person on the receiving end of I Can’t Believe They Don’t Want Me Syndrome, they’re often wondering what the hell you see in them and it’s their own ego that had them chasing you or wanting to be with you in the first place. They might have thought they didn’t stand a cats hope in hell of being with you but from the moment you gave them the time of day, it became a black mark against you and they recognised that in you wanting to be with them, there was very likely something wrong with you.

As I said to Mel, don’t you think your drug dealing ex was wondering what why a woman who’d busted her proverbial nuts to overcome her upbringing and become an attorney, was doing with him? I actually said to her: What the hell are you doing with this guy?

If any doubt, write down everything about this guy on a piece of paper, and then ask yourself why the hell your ego is struggling to process why they don’t want you and why you’re not racing to distance yourself from them.

If these people have any sense, they shouldn’t want you and while you may not thank me or them now, they’re actually doing you a massive favour and setting you free, hopefully to do better by yourself.

For some of you, part of the whole I Can’t Believe They Don’t Want Me Syndrome is about being used to getting what you want and being caught short when someone doesn’t dance to your beat. The danger is that when you’re used to getting what you want, not only will your ego struggle with the rejection, but you may also find that you coast into relationships because you don’t really ever have to try. What you may see if you look back over your relationships is that some of them were half-hearted.

For me, I got over myself and realised that soothing my ego at the expense of my self-esteem was not something that was worth throwing my life away on. I had to cut my losses because it was pretty galling when I realised that I had stayed in a relationship with someone who I hadn’t actually been attracted to, who I hadn’t really actually liked, and who even after all that time I still couldn’t really come up with any overriding reasons to stay, and all this because my ego couldn’t cope with the fact that they didn’t want me.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Because we don’t want to get love from someone with the capabilities to treat us with love, care, trust, and respect – we want to get it from someone who feeds into our beliefs and mirrors our pattern and so when someone doesn’t want us, it confirms the negative stuff that we openly and quietly think about ourselves. And I should stress – by capability, it’s not about you thinking they can love you because you think they loved someone else or you experienced it briefly. It’s consistently having the ability to love you over a sustained period of time.

Never demand that someone love you because you have a sense of entitlement to their love.

You are not entitled to their love and you’re certainly not more entitled to it because they’re a ‘loser’ and you’re not, so surely they should want you.

If you continue to pursue them instead of working your way through the loss and processing the ‘rejection’, you will alienate them because you’ll be like a disgruntled customer who just won’t take no for an answer and that is wholly unattractive and will cause you to lose your dignity and self-respect even if you don’t realise it initially.

Make no mistake – if you become obsessed with the questions that your ego raises, you will watch everything in your life take a battering. I’ve seen people lose their family, friends, health, career, money and more because they’re too busy struggling with their ego.

From the moment someone doesn’t want you, it’s time for you to start working on not wanting them and accepting that it’s over, whether it’s the relationship or the dream. If you habitually want people that don’t want you, you need to examine your own genuine capacity for a relationship, as you are hiding behind the illusions of being hijacked by your imagination and you’re only getting interested when you know they can’t/won’t reciprocate which is of course, a sign of your own emotional unavailability.

The fact that someone doesn’t want you, is a red flag and makes you fundamentally incompatible which means it’s time to opt out, process the loss, and accept. If you focus on doing this, your ego will catch up with the rest of you. If you focus on obsessing about them not wanting you, the sense of rejection will just increase. You have to decide where you want to put your energies.

Your thoughts?

This guy was sitting beside a lady on a flight. They had a good conversation, smooth and fun. The lady seemed alright. But when the flight was taxing, she started becoming agitated and jumpy. As people got up and formed a queue to get down the plane, she became extremely afraid and sweaty. Upon asking if she was fine, she said she was feeling claustrophobic and had to get down right NOW.

The aisle was full of people. They were at the end. No way she could have gotten down immediately. And her condition was worsening. He tried to calm her down by pointing out that the line would move soon and she will be getting down. But she just became more irrational – “I would DIE if I don’t get down now.” He could see a scream building up in her. That would have freaked people out.

He told her that if she really believed she had to get off right now, she can’t panic. She would have to calmly tap on people’s shoulders, tell them it’s a medical emergency and try to get down. And she did.

So what does this tell you about irrational behavior?

When someone is being irrational, it so happens that they are most likely not thinking straight. They wouldn’t normally behave in such foolish manner in such a situation but right now, something is triggering this extreme response. The overreaction sets in an extreme need to get a need fulfilled right away. In the husband’s case, he probably took his wife’s insult as a hit on his self-respect. And his desire to prove that he was extremely important became his primal need.

Angry outbursts, unreasonable demands, hurtful words or behaviour – are all their inability to control their response to a situation. And they start believing that if they can’t flee from the situation, they need to FIGHT and WIN.

How do you fight a person who wants to win at any cost and against all logic! Here’s decoding the ways of dealing with irrational people, especially irrational spouses, family members, impossible bosses and difficult boyfriends / girlfriends –

You have a CHOICE

In life always pick your battles carefully. Not every war is yours to fight. Sometimes you can just walk away. It’s the same with your irrational family members / colleagues. You have a choice. Can you deal with later? Or, can you not deal with it at all?

The guy on the plane chose to address this because he felt it was doable for him, and the lady looked like she would snap if help didn’t come to her soon. Depends on the magnitude of the problem. My friend could not have let her husband jump. She had to step in!

So you decide. Do you think it is really irrational behaviour and could harm the person if unchecked, or is the person just being a drama queen? Do you think there is nothing else you can do for the person? Their irrationality is not your responsibility and you need not feel guilty if you ultimately decide to give up on them.

Don’t take it PERSONALLY

Irrational people will say a lot of hurtful stuff; especially when they are in one of their rages. They are hurting and they want to lessen their pain by hurling it on anyone in the vicinity. They think it will help them deal with it.

They start believing that the only way they can survive the situation is – by fighting you. Not everyone has the ability to rationalize their behaviour and calm themselves down without intervention.

He helped him with rehab and getting his life back. Phelps had been banned from all competitions because of his repeated public offences. But with help from Ray and family, he got back on his feet. He himself says, he would have never believed this day would come. He thought he was done. Finished!

Michael’s story is inspiring on many levels. It is not only quite similar to what many youngsters go through as they lose themselves in the spiral of drug abuse or anything extreme, but also a reminder of downfalls that can come at any stage in life. You could fail in the beginning, in the middle, in the end. Anywhere. But as long as you find the strength and support of few great friends and family, a comeback isn’t impossible.

Craftsmanship comes with practice. And lots of practice. Look at Lasith Malinga. He used to bowl 200 yorkers everyday(& for years) to master the craft of that delivery. Lionel Messi said he worked day in and day out for 17 years to become an overnight legend. That’s how winners are made. They rise, they fall, and they get up again. None of the overnight success stories last long. It is the slow endurance, the everyday kill and the solid foundation of a lifelong discipline that makes winners. The recent example is- Jaspreet Bumrah (The Yorker man of India right now). He practices bowling Yorkers some 3 hours a day to ensure that he gets them right in the final overs. And he gets them right too.

In this game of endurance, both mental and physical, these sports icons are examples of the limitlessness of the human mind should one wish to take notice. If they can do it, so can you.

The young lion grew up amidst the flock of sheep behaving exactly like a sheep. The sheep-lion bleated instead of roaring and ate grass instead of meat. This vegetarian lion acted exactly like a weak, meek lamb.

One day, another lion strolled out of the nearby forest onto the green pasture, and to his great delight beheld this flock of sheep. Thrilled with joy and whipped by hunger, the great lion pursued the fleeing flock of sheep, when, with amazement, he saw a huge lion, with tail high up in the air, fleeing at top speed ahead of the sheep. Ignoring his hunger, he raced hard and pounced upon the escaping lion. The sheep-lion fainted with fear. The big lion was puzzled more than ever, and slapped the sheep-lion out of his swoon. In a deep voice he rebuked, “What’s the matter with you?! Why do you, my brother, flee from me?”

The sheep-lion closed his eyes and bleated out in sheep language, “Please let me go. Don’t kill me. I’m just a sheep brought up with yonder flock.” He caught the sheep-lion by the mane with his mighty jaws and dragged him toward a lake at the end of the pasture. When the big lion reached the shore of the lake, he pushed the sheep-lion’s head so that it was reflected in the water.

The big lion gave the sheep-lion a terrible shake. The sheep-lion opened his eyes, and was astonished to find that the reflection of his head was not, as he expected, a sheep’s head but a lion’s head, like that of the lion who was shaking him with his paw. Then the big lion said, “Look at my face and your face reflected in the water. They are the same. My face roars. Now! You must roar instead of bleating!”

The sheep-lion, convinced, tried to roar, but could only produce bleat-mingled roars. As the older lion continued to exhort him with slapping paws, the sheep-lion at last succeeded in roaring. Then both lions bounded across the pasture, entered the forest, and returned to the den of lions.

The story is a great metaphor for all us who bleat with fear and spend their entire lives in fears- fears of failure, fears of losing a relationship, fears of virtually anything. You could either live in fear or live with sheer confidence. Either way, you will live but with massive difference in your quality of life. You can live crouched in insecurities or you can live with dazzling self confidence that can move mountains. But don’t be in a mask worrying about your future. Don’t be a lion with a sheep’s soul. That’s a waste for both. Not realizing your full potential is like the worst thing you can do to your life (& regret when you get old)! Why would you choose such a life for yourself? Go and express yourself fully. Be a Tiger. Go Roar !