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Children in a family with a foreign man


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Julia

Men, why don't you want a woman with children?

Dear gentlemen!
I want to ask you the question which probably many women here would like to ask. Why the most of you are looking for women without children?
Usually, Russian women after 30 (and also probably Ukrainian, Belorussian etc) have one or more children. Is it bad? If you meet a woman with child/children - you will get already complete family. Is not it what you would like to get finally? Women, already realized their mother's instinct are experienced for it. They already know how to care about the family. So, if you would like to have an own children - it would be much easier. And if you don't want to have own children - for woman maybe would enough to have only her children and she wouldn't ask you to have a baby together if you don't want. Then you can decide together if you want to have children or not.


I am sure that each woman wants to be a mother, this is nature. So, in my opinion, any young woman who hasn't children yet, would ask her partner to have a baby sooner or later.


I know some stories when women with children married alien men and moved to their countries. Russian children adapt very well abroad. They are smart and study easy a new language and find new friends there. And their mothers haven't time for missing, because they are busy already with completed family. Yes, it is not a secret that for Russian women is difficult to find a job abroad, so probably, your wife would sit at home and do house work, especially in the beginning. It might be boring to sit alone while husband is working. So, if your wife is not alone at home, care and contact with child, it is easier for her to adapt in your country.
Of course, man can't become a real father for grown child of his woman. But he can became the best friend for them. Grown child is almost complete person and it is interesting to communicate with him, it is fun. Each child has talants and it is interesting to open it. Good parents always try to help their child to open talants. (even if you have friendship with a child of your wife, you would be called a parent anyway!)

So, gentlemen, why don't you want women with children? Answer, please!
Wellcome to discussion!

Я знаю, что форум читают многие женщины, поэтому прошу меня не критиковать - я высказала мое личное мнение и предлагаю всем желающим высказать свои мнения, если есть желание.

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Tommaso, 66 y.o.

Spain, Santa Cruz de Tenerife

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Reply to Lucia on View the commented comment

E' degradata la loro capitale! Non hai gli occhi per vedere? E' una cittá sporca e trascurata, con le case scrostate. Tutto lasciato andare alla malora!

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Fernando, 38 y.o.

Mexico

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Reply to Tommaso on View the commented comment

Tom, youre wrong, I wasnt born in Yucatán, and youre wrong again because I live in Quintana Roo, not Yucatán 😉, you have to look better. This surprises me because I thought you are a smart man. Again, im not trying to evidence you because you already have the ability of doing it without help. All i wanted is to show my thoughts about this question, maybe I still believe in things you dont, or maybe you just stopped believing. I wish you the best anyway and happy holidays.


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Irina

Reply to Tatiana on View the commented comment

Таня! По поводу прически я уже услышала от него комплимент )) Но ты прямо попала в точку! Я вчера поменяла имидж стрижкой! Такая жуть получилась... )) Потом после приезда покажу фото... )) Ну тут не знаю какие можно будет ждать комплиментов... ))


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Irina

Reply to Tommaso on View the commented comment

 )) Ну вот , вы уже и поцеловали меня... )) Теперь жду нападок от ваших поклонниц ))Ну, вы интриган еще тот... ))


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Irina

Reply to Tommaso on View the commented comment

Я как то не стремлюсь выйти замуж за мужчину с маленьким ребенком. Я хочу уже пожить для себя и для мужчины... )) Но никогда не говори никогда...

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Tommaso, 66 y.o.

Spain, Santa Cruz de Tenerife

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Reply to Fernando on View the commented comment

Contraccambio gli auguri di Buone Feste e buona fortuna.


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Arina

Reply to Irina on View the commented comment

Для Ирины( Сургут)
У меня с возрастом образовался какой-то опыт что-ли жизненный и я пришла к выводу: Запас любви ограничен для каждого. Некоторые вообще ОДНОЛЮБЫ на всю жизнь. Ну и старение организма никто не отменял, некоторые реакции уже далеко не те, увы. Да и взгляд на человека с высоты своего жизненного опыта--куда ж его девать-то? Разве что лоботомию сделать  Тут помню, а тут не помню 
Кароче, я отвлеклась от темы детей  С подрощенными детьми трудно бывает найти общий язык ,да.


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Irina

Reply to Arina on View the commented comment

Арина! А ведь некоторые люди вообще не испытали чувство любви к противоположному полу. Они понятия не имеют что такое настоящая любовь... Это ужасно, мне их жалко.Конечно с возрастом чувства притупляются, нет такого душевного порыва как в молодости. Но все же если человек умел любить, то все равно будет любить, хотя уже не так как в молодости.Но все же это будет тоже любовь.


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Arina

Reply to Irina on View the commented comment

Ириш, не знаю не знаю....
Некоторые люди в принципе не способны любить другого человека( я имею ввиду и мужчин, и женщин).Не дано, как говорится. Поэтому и не надо ждать от них порывов всяких...
А некоторые( ну типа я такая) слишком экзальтированные дамы, это тоже пугает и настораживает.
С течением времени я стала оберегать свой внутренний покой , и если вижу , что мущщина затягивает меня в скандально-авантюрный роман, то я умышленно избегаю такого. Не хочу нервотрепания. Вот эта осторожность и свойственна , я думаю, возрасту моему.

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Tommaso, 66 y.o.

Spain, Santa Cruz de Tenerife

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Reply to Irina on View the commented comment

Non è vero. Io da giovane ero terribile. Ora quando amo, amo veramente.


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Irina

Reply to Tommaso on View the commented comment

Мне интересно как же вы были ужасны в молодости? )) Наверное стольким девушкам голову заморочили... )) Не могу судить какой вы сейчас в любви... Не проверяла )) Но надеюсь вы все же в душе романтичный! Иначе женщины с вами просто не будут долго ... )) Только тапками в меня не кидайте (это я по поводу романтики) ))


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Natasha

Reply to Arina on View the commented comment

А я много раз любила в своей жизни и влюблялась, все время говорю себе, все, стоп, пусть меня любят, а я буду сдержанной и прохладной, и не могу, если понравился очень человек, во мне все кипит, и каждый раз все сначала, и жизнь что-то ничему не научила, не знаю радоваться этому или грустить  .


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Irina

Reply to Arina on View the commented comment

Наверное это хорошо что ты можешь так вести себя. А я как влюблюсь, то уже и не думаю втягивает он меня куда или нет... Все наступаю на одни и те же грабли...Но грабли то хорошие были все ))

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Doug, 67 y.o.

United States

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Reply to Tommaso on View the commented comment

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz is it time to wake up, yet? zzzzzzz

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Doug, 67 y.o.

United States

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Reply to Fernando on View the commented comment

Fernando, don't worry about Tom. He's just crabby! You might be crabby too if you had struck out with almost 600 girls! You leave the discussion here as a gentleman; a quality man with integrity, poise, grace, and a thorough understanding of what is truly important in life. Tom...he never leaves the discussion, not as long as there is one more foolish thing that can still be said. Tom never leaves any foolish remark unsaid!  ))))))

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Fernando, 38 y.o.

Mexico

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Reply to Doug on View the commented comment

Doug, again thank you for all your words and showing to us your point of view, youre a gentleman and im glad to know people like you because I like to learn every day and you always have something intelligent to say. Im fully sure that my way of understanding in love terms is really opposite to others, of course this doesnt mean im the one who has the truth. I believe in true love and i cant fight aganist that, so thats why i deffend my thoughts and feelings regarding this and Im a romentic, and a passionate guy, so maybe a love lover person and a romantic one isnt a good combination... haha. I know everyone here laughs with all Tom say and others like him, im not against him, Im with my thoughts and feelings thats all. Have a good night my friend and please take care.

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Robert, 51 y.o.

Netherlands

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Dear Julia,

I will tell you my opinion. As you write, when woman comes to any country and is alone home (difficult to find work), she feels lonely. You are right. I can imagion that. But When a woman comes to the Netherlands (my country), and her child is between 6 and older, the child MUST go to school. I can imagion that it is very difficult for a child to go to school in an other country then his/her motherland. So, when a man wants a woman without child, it could also be because of childhood can be sad when changing country. Even if mommy and her new friend are deeply in love, child can not always communicate with that "man". Maybe your childeren can and it is easier.
Also, when a man meets a woman he get feelings for, and she have a child, the man gets less attention. Because you are right, woman first thinks of the child (and I think it is good).
Ok, children can addept easy in other countries. I wouldn't mind meeting woman with child, but when I think about it, in the beginning when man and woman are busy building up a relationship (with big differences between 2 cultures!!!!!!!), it will be very difficult and very hard to build. First woman and man communicate by internet, where is the child in that moment?

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When there is a meeting in real life, and the child is very young, how does the man talk with the child?? Ok, he could learn Russian.


I think it is not for every man the same. There are plus and minus sides on starting with (or without) children.
I think you should not worry, when a man doesn't want to continue with you because you have kids...... Well Dear Julia, He is not worth your love and you be too good for him. In the world there are many men looking for a sweet and wonderful Russian woman (or Ukraine). So, keep in mind, when he doesn't want to know you better because of having kids..... DUMP HIM!!!

Have a wonderful 2014 and I hope you find your second half.
Greetings Robert


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Terrance


Since few of the women on this site are widows, I will present a sobering point:

What character of woman takes her child to live in the foreign country, that presumably, the Russian father could not easily visit?

A pity, that not a single post was made with respect to Russian men, and the rights they have has parents!


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Julia

Reply to Robert on View the commented comment

Robert, thank you for the answer. Children must go to school in any country, not only in Netherlands. I was thinking about it a lot. Of course, it is not easy for children. But I've read many stories about it. Mostly, Russian children study new languege very fast and study in school better than here, in Russia. And sometimes even better than native children. I don't know what is the reason, maybe here in Russia, children get better knowledge. We have very huge programm for pupils, they really study a lot. or maybe we have better control of studing process. Puples have much homework and many exersises for imagination of any item. So, when Russian children go to school in different country, the biggest problem is the languege - for studying and for communication with others.


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Julia

Reply to Terrance on View the commented comment

of course, by the law, father is a father anyway. (if he didn't lose this right by government). The problem is that oftenly we have situation when Russian father doesn't want to communicate with his child when relations with a mother is broken. Any child needs both parents, but after divorcing, fathers start to ignore their children, unfortunately. not everyone, but the most of them. It hurts children. So, if the father ignores his child, why he would like to visit him later, when he lives in different country already?


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Terrance

Reply to Julia on View the commented comment

It's possible that the Russian man would ignore his child, but to presume that the majority of Russian men have this attitude seems naive. As an example, I would cite the recent legislative effort in Russia to limit adoptions of Russian children by the foreigners. Not only is this some evidence that Russian men do in fact care very much about children leaving Russia, but that they also care about the child whom is not theirs. Of course, politics does not define reality in msny cases, however neither does the media sources which depict Russian men as being drunks, abusive husbands, negligent fathers etc...

Furthermore, what attitude could be expected from Russian in-laws? It's extremely doubtful, the paternal grandparents would enjoy having their grandchild reside in the foreign country. And of course, there is the matter regarding Russian society, too. More time and effort might be necessary, but it always remains possible for the Russian woman to find a Russian man whom could grow to love her child. If odds are that the child would be better off living in his own country and close to his own people -- why make the child assume some unreasonable risk at hardship?

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In Russia, a child can play in the park without adult supervision, but in America, this is not safe!!

Do the benefits of raising the child in the foreign country significantly outweigh those risks?

It's never an easy question for the Russian mother to answer honestly, and circumstances vary from one person to the next. For foreign men it's nearly impossible to determine a child's specific best interests. 10 or 15 years ago, when Russia was experiencing extreme economic hardship, perhaps raising the child in the foreign country was more easily justified, but now it's not the case.

Of course, there are some men whom would recklessly invest all trust and faith in the Russian woman's decision to raise the child in the foreign country. However, demonstrating such brazen disregard towards a child's relationship with his Russian father, family, country and cultural origin, etc -- this doesn't seem like the behavior that the responsible leader of a family should have.

To be clear, there are exceptions to consider, and it's why my preferences in the profile are stated thus. Parenting the child from the foreign country involves as many rewards as there are risks, but great care and caution must be applied in every case.


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Ksunia

Reply to Julia on View the commented comment

Арина вы абсолютно правы в вашем мнении.Дети никогда не помещают настоящему мужчине,который любит свою женщину.Никогда.А насчет того что охота попутешествовать, ограничивается свобода и т.д., то это только мнение человека который не умеет организовывать отдых с детьми,и не имеет достаточно денег для того чтобы оплатить няню,иногда,для того чтобы побыть вдвоем,дать отдохнуть себе и ей. вот и все. И еще.Я была в Париже , и вернулась в новый год обратно.Мы общались долго,влюбились,познакомилась с родителями,с семьей, жила в их доме. И мы решили остаться друзьями, потому что он сказал что 'нас c детьми должна содержать я. Сейчас я удалила из скайпа, а он все звонит и просит прощения, просит вернуться, только жаль что моя уверенность уже пропала. Я считаю что муж долен быть добытчиком. потому что взамен он получает семью. Так и получается, они ездят в отпуска 3 раза в год,едят только в ресторане,дарят подарки друзьям 1000долларовые, и в то же время ноют о том что они одиноки и у них нет семьи.


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Ksunia

Reply to Lyudmila on View the commented comment

Вот это в самую точку!!! лучше и не сказать!!!


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Ksunia

Reply to Terrance on View the commented comment

In fact, everything is easier than everyone here speaks. Stop thinking about money and the economy! people at all times and in all wars, nobody threw their children!! all people have always given to children only the best, latest. and in return receive care love and respect in their old age. and throughout the life of men were and will be happier investing their money in the family, and not rest on an empty left and right.


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Yiannis


I believe the men who don't want a woman with child or children the reason is these men afraid the responsibilities,but everything is matter of choice!

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Helga, 44 y.o.

Russia, Other

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Reply to Yiannis on View the commented comment

That's a prejudice. All people are different.

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Helga, 44 y.o.

Russia, Other

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Reply to Yiannis on View the commented comment

That's a prejudice. All people are different.


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Henrik


I think this works both ways .. i also see women with children asking for men with non/living away.
this i can only say as an individual : if i was 25 and here looking for my future wife, wanting to start a family i would prefer her not to have children - because i wanted to make them with her -from scratch as the Italian so elegantly put it.. if i were 50 i would opt out on children because i would feel my days with toddlers were behind me and i would frankly be to old to change diapers and warm milk - but if she had older children i would most likely date her.
i am 38 and have a kid of my own, living mostly with me. I am looking for a woman in my own age range and yes many of them have children - i doesn't stop me initiating contact.. will i love her child - well if i love her, then i will love her child. This is common here and also common that if there is a missing parent, that the new man/woman in the child's life adopts it - i think alot of our attitude in this here in my country is because divorce is common and living with other peoples children is also common.

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now if i were looking for maid / surrogate mother that provided blowjobs or a trophy wife - then i most likely would have other priorities, the priorities you describe. but are you really sad to get opted out if that was the case?? just saying maybe it is a good thing


i have few "requirements" listed in my profile - but nevertheless i get contacted daily by people ignoring those requirements, so i suggest you do the same and ignore it -maybe you will find your love or maybe you will find out why he opted kids out - but you will never know if you don't try.

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