Lost

I will make my story as short as possible but wish to give as much information so you can make an educated comment.

The woman is from Russia, in the east. She approached me on the dating site, I was very excited and the communication began swiftly. We communicated in email for about 5 weeks until she demanded a video chat. I was new to this, did not even know how to video chat. After a few tries it was successful video chat. We did video several times before the meeting. I told her within a few weeks of writing I would come in the spring, she responded that I could come sooner. I began to make plans, we discussed where and when. The meet took place in a major city in Russia in February instead of springtime. I struggled a little to come up with the money in advance because I did not want to go into debt for the trip. I paid for everything. She wanted me to send money so she could plan and purchase her own tickets. I took a chance and sent money. She needed personal things for the trip and needed money, I sent more money. One item she purchased was a suit case for $300.00 U.S. I thought this was a bit expensive to do with another persons money but I said nothing. I purchased a suitcase for $90.00. In total I sent $900.00 U.S. to her. We both flew into the city within an hour of each other and took a taxi to the hotel together. I purchased two rooms at a hotel in advance for 20 days. I also prepaid for opera and other various show tickets.
Now all was good. We got along great, we fell in love weeks before the trip even began. We ate at nice restaurants, traveled the city, went to shows and churches. I will say this was the best time of my life. The only things that concerned me during the trip are this.
1) the whole time we were together, even in the taxi from the airport she would not put her phone away. Constant messages and interruptions. I felt this was rude for as much effort I put into the meeting. I asked about this and her response was that there are people that do not know she is away from home. That people in Russia get jealous and cause problems. So she must stay in contact with them. By the end of the trip I know three of the four contacts that she stayed in touch with. A sister, a daughter and a friend ( woman ) in the united states. The fourth I never figured out or got to see.
2) During our stay at the hotel she would mention that she was getting sick, a cold. But this never stopped her from walking the city all day and night, shopping and sight seeing.
3) My money for the trip came from different sources and was deposited over time during our stay. Some days I would have several hundred dollars, as that got spent and I had to wait for the next deposit, money got a little tight. This became a big issue for her, even minor arguments and tears, but nothing real bad. Shopping got out of hand, we had to buy gifts for every person she and I knew, and I was watched very closely. Later I found out that this is done to look for expressions of greed? True or not? It felt like it. This type of shopping was not in my plans and I went a few thousand dollars over budget for the trip. The last day we were there I had a relative deposit $150.00 in my account so I would have money for my trip home. I told her I was going to the bank to exchange $50.00 for us to eat and have taxi fare. She demanded I exchange all of it. I ended up going home with $20.00 and very hungry.
3) On the day before we were to leave she began to cry and beg we stay for another week, I was able to stay till mid week, on a Wednesday. The morning we were getting ready to depart she mentioned she did not feel good and wanted to stay till the week end. I said no, we arrive together and we leave together. The ride to the airport was silent for the most part.
She did not seem or act very sick, so I assumed all was O.K. She did not demand to stay a few more days, she was O.K. we go together.
4) her flight left first for another big city, I departed 30 minutes later. My flights were very close so we could not stay in contact while traveling. Not until I got back to my house did I find out she stayed in another big city. She had claims of heart attack on landing and medical doctors at the airport denied her the ability to fly for two weeks. She said she had a friend who's parents had a house not far away and will stay with them. The following weekend ( three days later ) I found out she moved to her friends apartment, the only reason I found out is because the photos she sent me were a different flat. When I asked, She said the house was to cold so her friend let her stay at vacant apartment. In total she stayed for three weeks with claims of pneumonia. Half way into this stay are relation became strained over my doubts of honesty and over one night I tried to contact her. Every time I contacted her she responded with in a reasonable amount of time. This time she did not respond, to text, phone call disabled and video call disabled. Three hours later she said she was on phone with sister and did not get alarms of incoming calls.
5) After three weeks, she returns home and two weeks later says she is in hospital. She would never send a photo of herself in hospital but one or two very close photo in bed and one in bathroom, of her swollen hands from I.V. the one in bathroom was in her own bathroom. I know from other photos and this is true. She also said that the doctors let her out of hospital for Easter Sunday.
6) She stops video chat, since April we have done video chat maybe 12 times. I ask every week if we can, but it does not happen much. I am now at the point that I will not do it. If you take something away from me to punish me, I will remove it permanently. She also has stopped talking with me for days on end when I make her angry. I am not perfect. I do have a tendency to piss people off. I have also made accusations out of confusion, miscommunication and not understanding.
7) I have faithfully sent gifts, flowers, money every month since our meet.As far as this goes I am a nice a guy, I do not care about the money too much, or the gifts, I love her and care about her. ( Am I a fool? )
in the past two months she dissipated for one week twice.One time was in the middle of a messenger chat. Two days later she sent a message saying she had a medical emergency and went to hospital in ambulance and would talk later. the following week end communication returned to normal. the other time she said I angered her and did not wish to communicate, this also was for about a week.
9) the whole time since our meet I have begged her to share her every day life with me, only to be told she is too busy most times. I offered to spend the summer in her city so we can build our relationship only to be denied and argue why I should not.
10) I recently sent $500.00 for a computer I promised her money for. ( I know, But I do not lie and do what I say I will do )I sent this money a month ago, it was in part so we can do Skype together. To this day she says she has no time to shop for it. She also now says that when she got sick on the flight last March it caused problems with her legs. First time I ever hear of this problem. She says she can not walk in the city to all the many stores and look at computers, it will have to wait. I have caused more problems by asking when will you get it. Now I do not even ask.
11) When we left our first meeting we were engaged to be married, I gave a ring I made myself as I am a jeweler. We talked about K-1 visa and agreed to to do this. Ever since April I have had many arguments over getting her to send the information needed to complete K-1 visa. Now I plan a trip to her city in October. To meet face to face. I have questions and need answers. We also agreed to work on K-1 and finish it. She denies me to stay at her apartment due to have to many dogs and no room for me. Even said she will not cook me a meal at her home and I can not go there because she does not want to hurt her reputation.
I will say that this experience has caused me much doubt. I have not been the perfect man. I do not understand all this because I do love her and I am faithful. I honor my word and always do as I say. Maybe I am a fool, maybe I act like child, maybe I think this is fantasy.
Now I will say that this experience has caused me doubt, I have accused her of things, I have been rude in words, not by intention but by translations. There is much to the story not told. Over 1000 emails, hundreds of messenger chats, a few hundred photos between each of us. There are times when things go well and communication is O.K.
I highlighted my concerns and will be happy to answer any questions you may have. Please respond.

Hello, I have been reading posts here for a few months and enjoy them all. I have decided to write and ask a question because there seems to be honesty and experience on this forum. I will ask first to forgive me if my actions have been ignorant in my search. I began a year ago in October. I am now 54, Caucasian, live in United States ( citizen ) and searched for a Slavic woman. My reason is because I have lost faith in American woman, I find it difficult to respect woman who is 200 lbs over weight , self centered and goes shopping in bed clothes. I realize not all are like this, but I see none like this in Eastern Europe. I also understand Slavic woman are very family oriented people besides being beautiful and smart. I will make my story as short as possible but wish to give as much information so you can make an educated comment. The woman is from Russia, in the east. She approached me on the dating site, I was very excited and the communication began swiftly. We communicated in email for about 5 weeks until she demanded a video chat. I was new to this, did not even know how to video chat. After a few tries it was successful video chat. We did video several times before the meeting. I told her within a few weeks of writing I would come in the spring, she responded that I could come sooner. I began to make plans, we discussed where and when. The meet took place in a major city in Russia in February instead of springtime. I struggled a little to come up with the money in advance because I did not want to go into debt for the trip. I paid for everything. She wanted me to send money so she could plan and purchase her own tickets. I took a chance and sent money. She needed personal things for the trip and needed money, I sent more money. One item she purchased was a suit case for $300.00 U.S. I thought this was a bit expensive to do with another persons money but I said nothing. I purchased a suitcase for $90.00. In total I sent $900.00 U.S. to her. We both flew into the city within an hour of each other and took a taxi to the hotel together. I purchased two rooms at a hotel in advance for 20 days. I also prepaid for opera and other various show tickets. Now all was good. We got along great, we fell in love weeks before the trip even began. We ate at nice restaurants, traveled the city, went to shows and churches. I will say this was the best time of my life. The only things that concerned me during the trip are this. 1) the whole time we were together, even in the taxi from the airport she would not put her phone away. Constant messages and interruptions. I felt this was rude for as much effort I put into the meeting. I asked about this and her response was that there are people that do not know she is away from home. That people in Russia get jealous and cause problems. So she must stay in contact with them. By the end of the trip I know three of the four contacts that she stayed in touch with. A sister, a daughter and a friend ( woman ) in the united states. The fourth I never figured out or got to see. 2) During our stay at the hotel she would mention that she was getting sick, a cold. But this never stopped her from walking the city all day and night, shopping and sight seeing. 3) My money for the trip came from different sources and was deposited over time during our stay. Some days I would have several hundred dollars, as that got spent and I had to wait for the next deposit, money got a little tight. This became a big issue for her, even minor arguments and tears, but nothing real bad. Shopping got out of hand, we had to buy gifts for every person she and I knew, and I was watched very closely. Later I found out that this is done to look for expressions of greed? True or not? It felt like it. This type of shopping was not in my plans and I went a few thousand dollars over budget for the trip. The last day we were there I had a relative deposit $150.00 in my account so I would have money for my trip home. I told her I was going to the bank to exchange $50.00 for us to eat and have taxi fare. She demanded I exchange all of it. I ended up going home with $20.00 and very hungry. 3) On the day before we were to leave she began to cry and beg we stay for another week, I was able to stay till mid week, on a Wednesday. The morning we were getting ready to depart she mentioned she did not feel good and wanted to stay till the week end. I said no, we arrive together and we leave together. The ride to the airport was silent for the most part. She did not seem or act very sick, so I assumed all was O.K. She did not demand to stay a few more days, she was O.K. we go together. 4) her flight left first for another big city, I departed 30 minutes later. My flights were very close so we could not stay in contact while traveling. Not until I got back to my house did I find out she stayed in another big city. She had claims of heart attack on landing and medical doctors at the airport denied her the ability to fly for two weeks. She said she had a friend who's parents had a house not far away and will stay with them. The following weekend ( three days later ) I found out she moved to her friends apartment, the only reason I found out is because the photos she sent me were a different flat. When I asked, She said the house was to cold so her friend let her stay at vacant apartment. In total she stayed for three weeks with claims of pneumonia. Half way into this stay are relation became strained over my doubts of honesty and over one night I tried to contact her. Every time I contacted her she responded with in a reasonable amount of time. This time she did not respond, to text, phone call disabled and video call disabled. Three hours later she said she was on phone with sister and did not get alarms of incoming calls. 5) After three weeks, she returns home and two weeks later says she is in hospital. She would never send a photo of herself in hospital but one or two very close photo in bed and one in bathroom, of her swollen hands from I.V. the one in bathroom was in her own bathroom. I know from other photos and this is true. She also said that the doctors let her out of hospital for Easter Sunday. 6) She stops video chat, since April we have done video chat maybe 12 times. I ask every week if we can, but it does not happen much. I am now at the point that I will not do it. If you take something away from me to punish me, I will remove it permanently. She also has stopped talking with me for days on end when I make her angry. I am not perfect. I do have a tendency to piss people off. I have also made accusations out of confusion, miscommunication and not understanding. 7) I have faithfully sent gifts, flowers, money every month since our meet.As far as this goes I am a nice a guy, I do not care about the money too much, or the gifts, I love her and care about her. ( Am I a fool? ) <span class='ns ns_128526'> </span> in the past two months she dissipated for one week twice.One time was in the middle of a messenger chat. Two days later she sent a message saying she had a medical emergency and went to hospital in ambulance and would talk later. the following week end communication returned to normal. the other time she said I angered her and did not wish to communicate, this also was for about a week. 9) the whole time since our meet I have begged her to share her every day life with me, only to be told she is too busy most times. I offered to spend the summer in her city so we can build our relationship only to be denied and argue why I should not. 10) I recently sent $500.00 for a computer I promised her money for. ( I know, But I do not lie and do what I say I will do )I sent this money a month ago, it was in part so we can do Skype together. To this day she says she has no time to shop for it. She also now says that when she got sick on the flight last March it caused problems with her legs. First time I ever hear of this problem. She says she can not walk in the city to all the many stores and look at computers, it will have to wait. I have caused more problems by asking when will you get it. Now I do not even ask. 11) When we left our first meeting we were engaged to be married, I gave a ring I made myself as I am a jeweler. We talked about K-1 visa and agreed to to do this. Ever since April I have had many arguments over getting her to send the information needed to complete K-1 visa. Now I plan a trip to her city in October. To meet face to face. I have questions and need answers. We also agreed to work on K-1 and finish it. She denies me to stay at her apartment due to have to many dogs and no room for me. Even said she will not cook me a meal at her home and I can not go there because she does not want to hurt her reputation. I will say that this experience has caused me much doubt. I have not been the perfect man. I do not understand all this because I do love her and I am faithful. I honor my word and always do as I say. Maybe I am a fool, maybe I act like child, maybe I think this is fantasy. Now I will say that this experience has caused me doubt, I have accused her of things, I have been rude in words, not by intention but by translations. There is much to the story not told. Over 1000 emails, hundreds of messenger chats, a few hundred photos between each of us. There are times when things go well and communication is O.K. I highlighted my concerns and will be happy to answer any questions you may have. Please respond.

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Svetlana, 52 y.o.

United States

Men & women

06.08.18 06:19

Lost

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