Men & women
Rick
Lost
Hello, I have been reading posts here for a few months and enjoy them all. I have decided to write and ask a question because there seems to be honesty and experience on this forum. I will ask first to forgive me if my actions have been ignorant in my search. I began a year ago in October. I am now 54, Caucasian, live in United States ( citizen ) and searched for a Slavic woman. My reason is because I have lost faith in American woman, I find it difficult to respect woman who is 200 lbs over weight , self centered and goes shopping in bed clothes. I realize not all are like this, but I see none like this in Eastern Europe. I also understand Slavic woman are very family oriented people besides being beautiful and smart.
I will make my story as short as possible but wish to give as much information so you can make an educated comment.
The woman is from Russia, in the east. She approached me on the dating site, I was very excited and the communication began swiftly. We communicated in email for about 5 weeks until she demanded a video chat. I was new to this, did not even know how to video chat. After a few tries it was successful video chat. We did video several times before the meeting. I told her within a few weeks of writing I would come in the spring, she responded that I could come sooner. I began to make plans, we discussed where and when. The meet took place in a major city in Russia in February instead of springtime. I struggled a little to come up with the money in advance because I did not want to go into debt for the trip. I paid for everything. She wanted me to send money so she could plan and purchase her own tickets. I took a chance and sent money. She needed personal things for the trip and needed money, I sent more money. One item she purchased was a suit case for $300.00 U.S. I thought this was a bit expensive to do with another persons money but I said nothing. I purchased a suitcase for $90.00. In total I sent $900.00 U.S. to her. We both flew into the city within an hour of each other and took a taxi to the hotel together. I purchased two rooms at a hotel in advance for 20 days. I also prepaid for opera and other various show tickets.
Now all was good. We got along great, we fell in love weeks before the trip even began. We ate at nice restaurants, traveled the city, went to shows and churches. I will say this was the best time of my life. The only things that concerned me during the trip are this.
1) the whole time we were together, even in the taxi from the airport she would not put her phone away. Constant messages and interruptions. I felt this was rude for as much effort I put into the meeting. I asked about this and her response was that there are people that do not know she is away from home. That people in Russia get jealous and cause problems. So she must stay in contact with them. By the end of the trip I know three of the four contacts that she stayed in touch with. A sister, a daughter and a friend ( woman ) in the united states. The fourth I never figured out or got to see.
2) During our stay at the hotel she would mention that she was getting sick, a cold. But this never stopped her from walking the city all day and night, shopping and sight seeing.
3) My money for the trip came from different sources and was deposited over time during our stay. Some days I would have several hundred dollars, as that got spent and I had to wait for the next deposit, money got a little tight. This became a big issue for her, even minor arguments and tears, but nothing real bad. Shopping got out of hand, we had to buy gifts for every person she and I knew, and I was watched very closely. Later I found out that this is done to look for expressions of greed? True or not? It felt like it. This type of shopping was not in my plans and I went a few thousand dollars over budget for the trip. The last day we were there I had a relative deposit $150.00 in my account so I would have money for my trip home. I told her I was going to the bank to exchange $50.00 for us to eat and have taxi fare. She demanded I exchange all of it. I ended up going home with $20.00 and very hungry.
3) On the day before we were to leave she began to cry and beg we stay for another week, I was able to stay till mid week, on a Wednesday. The morning we were getting ready to depart she mentioned she did not feel good and wanted to stay till the week end. I said no, we arrive together and we leave together. The ride to the airport was silent for the most part.
She did not seem or act very sick, so I assumed all was O.K. She did not demand to stay a few more days, she was O.K. we go together.
4) her flight left first for another big city, I departed 30 minutes later. My flights were very close so we could not stay in contact while traveling. Not until I got back to my house did I find out she stayed in another big city. She had claims of heart attack on landing and medical doctors at the airport denied her the ability to fly for two weeks. She said she had a friend who's parents had a house not far away and will stay with them. The following weekend ( three days later ) I found out she moved to her friends apartment, the only reason I found out is because the photos she sent me were a different flat. When I asked, She said the house was to cold so her friend let her stay at vacant apartment. In total she stayed for three weeks with claims of pneumonia. Half way into this stay are relation became strained over my doubts of honesty and over one night I tried to contact her. Every time I contacted her she responded with in a reasonable amount of time. This time she did not respond, to text, phone call disabled and video call disabled. Three hours later she said she was on phone with sister and did not get alarms of incoming calls.
5) After three weeks, she returns home and two weeks later says she is in hospital. She would never send a photo of herself in hospital but one or two very close photo in bed and one in bathroom, of her swollen hands from I.V. the one in bathroom was in her own bathroom. I know from other photos and this is true. She also said that the doctors let her out of hospital for Easter Sunday.
6) She stops video chat, since April we have done video chat maybe 12 times. I ask every week if we can, but it does not happen much. I am now at the point that I will not do it. If you take something away from me to punish me, I will remove it permanently. She also has stopped talking with me for days on end when I make her angry. I am not perfect. I do have a tendency to piss people off. I have also made accusations out of confusion, miscommunication and not understanding.
7) I have faithfully sent gifts, flowers, money every month since our meet.As far as this goes I am a nice a guy, I do not care about the money too much, or the gifts, I love her and care about her. ( Am I a fool? )
in the past two months she dissipated for one week twice.One time was in the middle of a messenger chat. Two days later she sent a message saying she had a medical emergency and went to hospital in ambulance and would talk later. the following week end communication returned to normal. the other time she said I angered her and did not wish to communicate, this also was for about a week.
9) the whole time since our meet I have begged her to share her every day life with me, only to be told she is too busy most times. I offered to spend the summer in her city so we can build our relationship only to be denied and argue why I should not.
10) I recently sent $500.00 for a computer I promised her money for. ( I know, But I do not lie and do what I say I will do )I sent this money a month ago, it was in part so we can do Skype together. To this day she says she has no time to shop for it. She also now says that when she got sick on the flight last March it caused problems with her legs. First time I ever hear of this problem. She says she can not walk in the city to all the many stores and look at computers, it will have to wait. I have caused more problems by asking when will you get it. Now I do not even ask.
11) When we left our first meeting we were engaged to be married, I gave a ring I made myself as I am a jeweler. We talked about K-1 visa and agreed to to do this. Ever since April I have had many arguments over getting her to send the information needed to complete K-1 visa. Now I plan a trip to her city in October. To meet face to face. I have questions and need answers. We also agreed to work on K-1 and finish it. She denies me to stay at her apartment due to have to many dogs and no room for me. Even said she will not cook me a meal at her home and I can not go there because she does not want to hurt her reputation.
I will say that this experience has caused me much doubt. I have not been the perfect man. I do not understand all this because I do love her and I am faithful. I honor my word and always do as I say. Maybe I am a fool, maybe I act like child, maybe I think this is fantasy.
Now I will say that this experience has caused me doubt, I have accused her of things, I have been rude in words, not by intention but by translations. There is much to the story not told. Over 1000 emails, hundreds of messenger chats, a few hundred photos between each of us. There are times when things go well and communication is O.K.
I highlighted my concerns and will be happy to answer any questions you may have. Please respond.
David
Svetlana ive read many Of your replys and i think Its No suprise You have found a husband in amarica You and the girl with the baby in Milan comes over Has far more mature than most Of the other forum girls (No offence to them. I totaly agree with all You put 100% but couldnt help but read the other day You only had genuine travel expense off your husband before your marrage... You are far more mature and a more traditionaly brought up slavic woman than RICKS woman... the girl is extremely rough round the edges and may not Of ever been treat right by a man before or respected!!! However She came to his room the last week..... the girl is immature but theres part Of her That knows Rick is a prince. His story is Well wrote and very easy to understand and despite only 2 upvote Its possibly the best post ive seen in here Has it’s got integraty... it’s a shame she’s not a forum girl it be nice if you could of seen if this was possible to selvage the girl needs to see the errors of her ways.... can a woman be so cold to a fantastic man like Rick I’m not a woman I can’t answer this
Sofia
Sorry, Rick, I think you know the answer to your question....
"I'm confused, I'm a man, I'm a fool? "
Love sometimes turns off the brain.
This is odd. You write that before the meeting, she demanded access to Skype. Computer was. And after the meeting, her computer broke down? And the smartphone must be broken, too? Now video chat is available on any smartphone. And the money was needed for the computer, and the lady did not hurry to buy the for several months. She didn't want to see you after the meeting? After receiving the money she disappeared... and you accuse that you are interested in, when her receive the computer?
And you continue to believe in the possibility of a future between you?
Have you decided that your love is enough for two? Obviously, the lady has no feelings, but she likes to receive gifts from a man in love.
Nadezhda
да это удивительно. С первого тревожного звонка - когда Ваша женщина на 1 встрече смотрела в телефон , а не интересовалась Вами. и много других тревожных звонков не остановили Вас . Вы влюбились и продолжаете любить.
Наверное было много хорошего ? или это наваждение?
Rick
Thank you, much appreciated. I know I am not perfect. I am sure I have caused some of this without doubt. I am in love, first time in many years I gave my heart away. I take it very serious and I am dedicated to her till it ends. The end is what saddens me, to put so much effort into a long distance relation and feel like I never do anything right. I have been clingy, yes. I have even ignored her for a day or two and slowed my communication over two weeks. Only to be told I am rude and behavior unexceptionable. I can not seem to even things out between us. That is why I posted here. Opinions of other people. I also look for opinion before I drop a few thousand dollars on the next trip. I ask, do you think it is worth fighting for, or am I a fool. I am a hopeless romantic and believe in the heart and in true love. Sorry I am so soft. But when I have had enough I am done, I do not care if they pull their panties off, finished.
Rick
Please tell me how to build trust in this situation. At 6000 miles and lack of communication. I am willing to do it. I wish not to give up, but I will if it is impossible. Thank you.
David
There is a possibility here that she’s married to the child’s dad... often in Eastern Europe if a woman leaves a family home they have nowhere to go and also can’t take the kid out the country however the girl could also be a scammer doing this to many man the situation needs to be controlled... I’ve met married Slavic women who have lied but I’ve never had these problems you’ve had. Seeing her passport and booking the tickets would of saved many problems you have now... promise me if this don’t work out next time yours book the tickets!!!
Rick
In Peters she said computer was broken. Smart phone is old iphone 4. Always says it has problems. We have done video maybe 12 times since Peters.
Rick
before the meeting we video maybe once per week. I have gone through the stages my dear. Crazy love, obsession love, panic love, just love. I do care, I do love, I am still here. I have not given up. I have come to balance myself. I do not argue, fight, accuse. If she does not talk for 24 hours I do not ask or accuse. If she sends no photo, I do not ask why anymore. If she says she has not bought computer I do question why. I only do video when she calls on it. maybe once per month. But I am at the point where I think I will not do video any more. To me it is punishment. If I refuse to do it you can not hurt me by taking it away. Besides, I thought in real love all obstacles are to be overcome, understood, worked out?
Olga
Знакома с похожей историей. Там дама пребывала в гражданском браке, но собиралась переезжать к новому заграничному мужу, и ещё бабушка ее постоянно болела, и требовались средства. Когда все открылось, оказалось, что, к счастью, все здоровы, не одиноки, никому никуда не надо и тд и тп
Salvador
Mr. Rick; everyone have had experimented such experiences.
I will write about what I have learned.
We as men put the seeds as to raise a great and beautiful plant. We expect it to have a good one with our daily care and love.
But it depends on the seed if is a good one or a bad one.
It could be transformed in a nice tree, or it can be transformed in only aggressive plant with no fruits.
We must continue to raise other seed until we find what we like and need.
So turn over this stage of your life, yes it hurts but in the next future you will be rewarded.
Do not attach to bad feelings due to the illusions of a good seed.
Live life, time pass faster and it can not get back.
Otherwise, present me dr. Emmett brown as to travel back in time as 5o throw away those bad seeds.
Period
Rick
You should not pity me. If I am a fool it is my own fault. There is no blame here. I only seek some reasonable advice from one side of the story. If there is a person to pity or say might be miserable it is her, for she resides in Russia, not me.
Nadezhda
Рик , что Вы хотите услышать ? Что эта женщина Вас не любит и не заинтересована в Вас ? Попробуйте ей отправить побольше денег , чтобы на некоторое время купить ее внимание.
Неужели так сложно осознать, что Вы попали в лапы манипулятора?
Вас делают виноватым - Вы отправляете деньги . Прервите эту зависимость.
Я однажды слушала похожую историю от русского мужчины . Он рассказывал , что жена не оказывает ему никакого внимания,что она большую часть времени проводит с подругами или в салонах красоты. Что она ничего не делает по дому, что у нее нет образования, что она ему изменяла. А он такой хороший купил ей "Мерседес" , купил квартиру для ее родителей, увез ее в Перу на год, чтобы она забыла любовника . Вот такая бывает любовь. так что Вы еще не в самом плохом положении. Дай бог Вам сил пережить эти отношения и не возненавидеть всех женщин.
Ben
Excuse me?? You're using astro'logy' (it has nothing to do with λέγω whatsoever!) to 'explain' her character, personality or behaviour? You might as well yell into a forest to see which star flashes most brightly, the moment the echo hits the third tree on your right - if you're not run over by a bear. This is just getting absurd!
Here is an easy social compass: do you feel comfortable with what people ask or do to you?
Yes? -> Good. Continue.
No? -> Bad. Stop!
Respect for others begins with self-respect. If you don't respect yourself, nobody will.
Good luck!
Hi David, thank you for your kind words. My husband also says that he chose me for my maturity and wisdom
I agree, that Rick comes off as a highly respectable and decent man; almost like Prince Charming, such a rarity these days! What a pity that some silly scamer has taken advantge of him while he could've made happy a truly fantastic kind-hearted woman.
Praskovya
Вы ни разу не вспомнили о том, что она в два раза вас моложе. Она не горит страстью к вам. Вы очень хороший. Вы стараетесесь исполнять ее каприз. Она позволяет, разрешает вам любить себя. Это есть счастье для вас. Вы парень молодой рядом с ней. Но она видит вас реалистично. Вы для нее запасной аэродром. Что делать? Она выбирает за вас идти замуж или за других. А вам приходится ждать. Возможно. Вы будете ждать очень
долго. Столько сколько длится ваша страсть, ваше обожание.
после этого вашего рассказа мне многое стало понятно если ваше общение происходит так как вы рассказали то я понимаю почему у женщины случаются мигрени Вы агрессивно настойчивы в своем общении с ней. Вы приносите ей "улики" и требуете объяснений, вы просите ее постоянно объяснять ее действия. мне не понятно почему взрослая женщина 46 лет должна объяснять взрослому мужчине по какой причине она не хочет чтобы мужчина жил в ее доме. почему она должна оправдываться перед вами что бойфренд ее дочери приходит к ней в гости, а вы не можете жить с ней в ее доме? я думаю что это не причина для обиды, в ее городе много отелей и ничего не мешало вам планировать ваш визит и остановиться в отеле. возможно покупка дорогого чемодана и компьютера для нее дало вам право выставлять ваши требования. тогда понятно почему изначально вас все устраивало у вас появились обиды тогда когда она персетала соблюдать ваши требования и условия возможно она просто не хочет вас обижать и пытается культурно попрощаться с вами?
David
Salvador. I first want to say sorry for the tone of my first message reply to you last week. Having read your reply’s since I can tell you’ve started off life hard in Mexico (not meaning to sound disrespectful) and become a man who talks since and good at what he does workwise and has a good human. Can relate to your reply’s on the forum since. Your totaly right here I’ve seen this same exact situation in Odessa being played out which I watched however what surprises me is the girls 46 she can’t afford to throw him away... He needs to teach her respect and she needs to make him a man. A ticket to America much higher stakes than what she’s got off him already.. in England we have finishing school for girls that need to be educated what is expected of a woman. To make a girl a socially acceptable woman! This girl has to become a woman especially at 46 years old. But Rick needs to stop being a door mat!
Это все очень интересно. Но лично ваш опыт путешествий и ваши впечатления от поездок нельзя назвать "славянским этикетом"
Надя, а вас бы не напугало что вам постоянно диктуют условия, озвучивают планы ожидая лишь одобрения, требуют объяснений и доказательств? вот она обратная сторона сапог за 800 евро
Ben
ГДЕ Вы 'учили' математику???
56 - 46 = "два раза (ему) моложе...???
Ладно, больше вопросов нет...
Чем больше читаю, тем грустнее картинка.
Что я вижу:
1) Мужчина влюбился. Тут все понятно. Организовал встречу. Вложился финансово, организационно и временем. Прилетел аж из Америки, это не из Европы 3 часа и здесь.
2) У женщины к нему чувств - ноль. Он ей неприятен до отвращения.
Ладно, секса нет на первом свидании, это еще понятно. Но она продолжает сидеть в телефоне и писать сообщения, кто-то ей более интересен, чем мужчина. Все были влюблены? Все помнят, как это бывает, когда голова больше ни о чем не думает, кроме объекта влюбленности?
Она никому о мужчине не рассказывает и и категорически не хочет, чтобы их видели вместе в ее городе с ее "женихом".
Исчезает на несколько дней и не выходит на связь, наказвает. Интересно, чем она занимается в этом время? Ей ни капли не интересно, как там ее "жених"?
Какие-то мутные истории с болезнями и остановками в Москве у "друзей". Кому еще рассказать о проблемах со здоровьем, как не любимому человеку? Или это предлог, чтобы исчезнуть на несколько дней, настолько общение с "женихом" в тягость?
3) Дамочка не промах. Видит, что мужчина состоятельный и влюблен, решила урвать, что сможет. Чемодан, компьютер... это все предлоги. Просто деньги вытягивает из него. Интересно, она работает? Кем? Как и на что до него жила?
Мы конечно же все со своей колокольни судим и я не исключение. Но я вспоминаю, как мы с мужем начали встречаться. Мне всем и каждому хотелось рассказать про него, так я им гордилась. Я его со всеми друзьями перезнакомила, с родителями. По несколько раз в день созванивались. Когда мне срочно операцию пришлось делать, он записал телефон врача и потом врачу телефон обрывал. Это я к тому все, что если у людей настоящие отношения, то все прозрачно и нет никаких "исчезновений" и вопросов, ответы на которые приходится искать на форуме. Когда один исчезает, а другой в растерянности (lost), как Рик, то кто-то один ведет нечестную игру.
Прасковья, вы всегда навысоте! Ему 54 года, ей 46. каким образом у вас получилось что 46 летняя женщина в два раза моложе его?
Rick
me 54, her 46. I will not wait long. October is one year. This is enough of my life given. I am here, I am dedicated, I am true, I care, I will be gone soon, I might loose in love but I will win in life. To me this is a sad story. My wish, to fix any wrong I did, to be together in all things, to hear what you say about it. make my own decisions on the situation. I am not perfect, I know this. Show me one human who is.This also means she is not perfect and I am willing to give 100% to be with her. I will not be #2 in anyone's life, neither will my woman. I do not mean to offend. forgive me if I was rude. Thank you for your comment.
Nadezhda
напугало бы. У меня был муж Рак ))) Он даже нюхал мои вещи )))
Тотальный контроль 24 на 24 и даже в моих снах.
так что я теперь самая напуганная в мире женщина ))
Rick
Thank you but I am not a prince. I work two jobs to pay for my life. I do believe in love from the heart, I am dedicated, I am sad and I wish for the best. As I get older I wish to have that special someone in my life, till the end. I have been married, to an alcoholic for five years, she passed away a year after the divorce from kidney problems. The next woman, she passed away from stage four cancer two years into the relation, we lived together. After she passed it became known she had a boy friend and a girl friend. The last woman in my life lived with me in my house for five years, she went to college and obtained a masters degree in social work, one year later she moved across country to pursue her career never to be heard from again. Yes, maybe there is a problem with me, I do not know. I only wish to enjoy life, and do it with someone special who will be there.
David
I love the way you speak about your husband. I hope the other girls take note of your warmth! Even the romantic me is struggling with this now I’ve been to Odessa and seen American men doing this but with much younger girls than 46..... it’s not helping that I’m getting Hillbilly images with Lazy Girl images in my head... I’ve seen the film “Best in Show” and I’m getting images of the Bloodhound Owner Who goes to Church and lives with mum and he knows every type of nut 🥜. I know it’s not good to stereotype people but a God fearing man and a Lazy Girl is not a marrage made in heaven...
Светлана, мне кажется вы немного переборщили Какая влюбленность и любимый человек на первой встрече? Может быть интерес, симпатия, но не "любимый" сразу же с первого взгляда. И уж тем более не жених еще Истории с болезнями мутные, потому что мы знаем эту историю с одной стороны. А по словам автора видно что его больше интересовало не здоровье его "любимой" а где она, кто на заднем плане и с кем она Да и то что телефон из рук не выпускала.... гуляли и по музеям ходили и по магазинам и в ресторанах сидели. вряд ли не выпуская телефона из рук все эти дни некоторые мужчины ревностно реагируют даже на один звонок в день детям. а представить себе можно всякое, но все таки Рик сказал что контакты то были дочка и сестра Так что я думаю что в отсутсвии взаимопонимания все таки оба виноваты. Если бы так все возмутило в первую встречу нашего автора то не было бы 5 месяцев общения и регулярных видеочатов
Rick
I have learned from my past. My last girlfriend did as she pleased. came and went, had friends and went to them. I never accused, never doubted. I do know what trust is and how maintain myself. Trust is built, not given. Doubt builds miss trust. If I were to date you and began to have missing time, did not communicate for many hours or days, show false photos, tell something now that turns out to be untrue later? what would you think, does this build trust? I ask. Is it too much to ask you to share your daily life with me, talk on video one day per week, send a card on my birthday. maybe I expect too much in a relation. That is why I am here. I ask, so tell. Thank you.
меня даже в самом посте фраза напугала. про то что женщина сказала что она плохо себя чувствует и хотела остаться, но мужчина решил что она не выглядит больной и сказал "мы вместе приехали, вместе и уедем" эта фраза для меня решила бы все на первой встрече но женщина послушно сказала ок, решила не спорить и дала себя проводить вопроса о враче даже не возникло в этой ситуации что странно для меня.
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